The Fake Chris Brown Murdered The Fake Jay-Z (And Other Hilarious Dramatic Liberties Last Night’s Law & Order:SVU Took)

by (@unclegrambo)

After smooching, Mycha stumbles upon Caleb making time with one of his backup singers, someone who fancies herself the second coming of Mary J. Blige. “I can’t leave you alone for five minutes without you getting trashy?”, she asks him, before labeling the backup hoochie a “beef cookie.” Now, I’m not saying that I’m 100% up-to-speed on hip-hop terminology, but I’m fairly certain that people aren’t going around calling each other “beef cookies” on the reg. Nice try, Dick Wolf!

Beef Cookie

Caleb does not appreciate the insinuation that meat products were meant to blend with desserts. You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry. He’s got very little self-control when it comes to letting his mouth run (he calls Mycha a “skinny ass whore”), and even less with his fists. He shoves to the floor, and proceeds to beat her in front of Brass, Beef Cookie and Dave Navarro.

navarro-sag

Mycha’s facial bruises bear an uncanny —and, quite frankly, an uncomfortable— resemblance to Rihanna’s, but don’t worry, this is about as close as the SVU producers will get to having anything resembling reality in the program. Example: As if it weren’t sufficient enough cause to demonize Caleb/Fake Chris solely for being a woman beater, the writers decide to up the ante by giving him a bit of a Mel Gibson streak, which shows itself after he’s arrested on battery charges:

CALL-MY-JEW

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