The Fake Chris Brown Murdered The Fake Jay-Z (And Other Hilarious Dramatic Liberties Last Night’s Law & Order:SVU Took)

by (@unclegrambo)

News of the arrest, as you’d expect, quickly goes viral. Proving that SVU producers haven’t updated their RSS feeds since 2004, the news is broken not on World Star Hip Hop or Media Take Out or Bossip or any number of incredible African-American gossip sites, but instead, on Perez Hilton:


It could’ve been worse, we guess? That could’ve been Pink Is The New Blog. However, just when you feel the vom in the back of your throat threatening to rise, Detective Belzer makes this pronouncement:

Oy. Somewhere in Hollywood, Seth MacFarlane is anxiously tapping his feet while he waits for the media to put Belzer and the SVU showrunner on blast like they did to him over the weekend for making a very similar “joke.”

It gets worse. Policewoman Mariska Hargitay (we couldn’t be bothered to look up her character’s name) eschews giving Mycha/Fake Rihanna legal guidance, but instead gives her some social media advice, the likes of which are so revolutionary that they’ll soon replace Miranda Rights as something that every police officer informs every potential suspect of:


“Hey Now” Hank Kingsley (aka “The Jew” referred to above) is able to get Fake Brown/Bryant out on bail, mainly so that his client can perform a “sold-out concert at the Barclays Center.” (Could Chris Brown sell-out Barclays, we wonder?) He holds a press conference in front of a throng of reporters to announce that not all “hip hop artists are gangsta types”; the scene feels very much like the scene outside the Dallas courthouse when Lee Harvey Oswald was first brought on public display, but in this instance, sadly there’s no Jack Ruby figure on hand (maybe the SVU producers didn’t get that far in their U.S. history studies?). After the scene, here’s how the venerable New York Post treated the story (Hint: One of these is from Law & Order:SVU, and one of them isn’t: Can you tell which is which?)


(Side Note: It adds an extra level of creepiness that NBC keeps showing commercials for this week’s Dateline during the show, an episode which will be focusing on the tragic Oscar Pistorious/Reeva Steenkamp murder case. How long til we see the Blade Runner R.F.T.H. ep of SVU?)

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