The Fake Chris Brown Murdered The Fake Jay-Z (And Other Hilarious Dramatic Liberties Last Night’s Law & Order:SVU Took)

by (@unclegrambo)

Naturally, just like IRL, Mycha/Rihanna and Caleb/Chris get back together after Caleb goes on Wendy Williams, a rekindling of a forbidden (legally!) affair that they can’t help document on Instagram (sound familiar?). Caleb gives her a massive friendship ring (“Straight outta the Kobe playbook,” Lieutenant Ice-T remarks), and gets himself a the most hilarious jailhouse hip tattoo ever inked.

itsjustart

This is where things really take a turn for the surreal. (Yeah yeah, we know, it’s already gotten pretty surreal.) Caleb gets busted for possession (weed), Mycha throws a record release party to celebrate her new single featuring vocals by her abusive BF, and after a confrontation, someone gets murdered by Fake Breezy. Look, Fake Jay-Z is dead!

jay-z-murdered

The deadly beef between Brass/Fake Hov and Breezy-Lite is obviously influenced by the massive Drake/Chris real-life brawl that went down last year; fortunately when that happened in the fall, no one lost their life. As a result of him MURDERING someone, Caleb gets tossed back in the pokey again, but since no one —not even Mycha— will testify against him (“Nobody saw who killed 2Pac or Biggie, either,” T snarks), he goes free. Naturally, the two lovebirds head South for some much needed vacay:

instabreezy

No comment necessary there, eh?

Well, by this point you’re probably very curious as to whether or not Fake Rihanna and Fake Chris Brown lived happily ever after? As of press time, the real Chris Brown and the real Rihanna seem to be doing quite well (all things considered), but in the alternate SVU universe, Caleb murders Mycha after receiving a text from a side-piece while about a yacht, Robert Wagner (allegedly!) style. DUN DUN! This ending is meant to serve as a cautionary tale about the dangers of prolonged abusive relationships, but it’s hard to take this lesson with any sort of seriousness after the way producers have played fast and loose with the truth throughout this episode.

The moral of the story? Real life is pretty dangerous and dramatic, but not nearly exciting enough to frame an entire hour-long episode of around if you go strictly by the IRL facts. RIP Fake Rihanna and Fake Jay-Z, we hardly knew ya.

[Screencaps/Photos: NBC]

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