“Hey Porsche” Video: Nelly Has Officially Moved Into The Non-Rapping Zone

by (@emilyexton)

Since introducing us to both his sweat and his suit, Nelly has moved away from grills and NSFW dance parties in exchange for cameos on The CW and joy rides on his tour bus. But during that time, has anyone ever seen Nelly and Flo Rida in the same room?

New video, “Hey Porsche,” features fast cars, loose women, and hardly any rapping. Oh and Nelly’s muscles. Lots and lots of close-ups on “hurt” and “pain”–or whatever he’s calling his biceps–à la the master of enviable vacation vids and shirtless profiles, Mr. Flo Rida. It’s catchy as all heck, with lots of fist-waving and a “na na na” portion that we can see soundtrack a high school beach party/bonfire where two longterm friends who’ve always flirted (but never consummated things) tickle each other underneath the sand. After “Over and Over” and “Just A Dream” we should have seen this coming; the latter even featured Tim McGraw.

The single, off a promised sixth studio album (M.O.), is Nelly’s first since his 2012 arrest for heroin possession–a shocking turn of events for all of us that bought Air Force Ones and rocked a band-aid under our eye at the recommendation of Mr. Cornell Haynes. It’s lazy chorus and cheesy video suggests he’s more interested in cashing a paycheck with stale club fare that will more or less get radio play (see also: Enrique Iglesias, and yes, Lil Wayne) rather than create innovative music and a solid second career arc. Few have lauded him as one of The Greats, and maybe songs dedicated to mouth jewelry and sneakers should have made us realize that there wasn’t much depth to these party anthems, but we just want to offer our two cents here: Damn, Nelly. What happened? St. Lunatics, we need you now more than ever.

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Related: Nelly Busted With Weed And Heroin In Same Texas Town Fiona Apple Got Arrested In