10 Songs You Didn’t Know Were About Private Parts

by (@JordanRuntagh)

5. “Philosophy” by Ben Folds Five (1995)

Lyrical Proof: “You were laughing at my helmet hat/
Laughing at my torch”

Piano bashing wise-ass Folds used the liner notes on Naked Baby Photos to wrying suggest that this cut is about his privates, “if that’s what you think it’s about.” Allegedly all you have to do is replace “philosophy” with “penis” to decipher the true meaning.


4. “Birthday Cake” by Rihanna (ft. Chris Brown) (2012)

Lyrical Proof: “I know you wanna bite this/
It’s so enticing/
Nothing else like this/
I’ma make you my bitch/
And it’s not even my birthday/
But you wanna put your name on it”

Maybe we’re just late to the birthday party on this one, but we didn’t pick up on the not-so-subtle undertones until very recently. Sorry guys.


3. “Love Gun” by KISS (1977)

Lyrical Proof: See title.

OK, maybe we knew this one was about private parts all along.


2. “Ego” by Beyonce (2008) 

Lyrical Evidence: “It’s too big (big)/
It’s too wide (wide)/
It’s too strong (strong)/
It won’t fit (fit)/
It’s too much (much)/
It’s too tough (tough)”

This one’s kind of a double bluff. When we first heard the lyrics, it seemed like the tune was designed to make us think it was about Jay Z’s”dash” before revealing the titular punchline. But now we hear rumors that it really was inspired by Mr. Carter’s anatomy, so…


1. “Sledgehammer” by Peter Gabriel (1986)

Lyrical Proof: “Show me round your fruitcage/
‘cos I will be your honey bee/
Open up your fruitcage/
where the fruit is as sweet as can be/
I want to be your sledgehammer/
why don’t you call my name”

The genesis of this list can be traced to this tune! We will never forget the day when this ’80s classic came on in a drug store, and our friend casually made a joke about it being Peter Gabriel’s ode to his very own “sledgehammer.” Consider our minds blown! Aside from the suspicious lyrics, we guess the sperm image at the start of the video should have given it away.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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