Sorry, Kanye West! A Fancy Vogue Photo Shoot Won’t Stop North West From Peeing On You

by (@emilyexton)

Kanye West, Kim Kardashian, North West in Vogue

Fashion is all about taking risks, friends. And owning the right kind of stain removers.

The secret is out and the wait is over. Kanye West and Kim Kardashian‘s Vogue cover is on newsstands now, ready to be picked apart by angry and infatuated fans everywhere.

While her mother and father are indeed famous faces, it’s all about Nori aka North West, the heir to their designer throne. The nine-month-old is prominently featured in the magazine, held lovingly by her polarizing father while her bottom serves as a resting place for her mom’s massive rock. Yes, we noticed. And as anyone with that kind of bling knows, those things are heavy. Kim again makes fierce eye contact with the camera, refusing to let go just in case she wakes up and this is all a dream. For their accompanying profile, Kim and Kanye are described with royal praise (he’s a “creative polgot,” while she is a “cultural phenomenon”) that needs just a little bit of force to get down. Establishing this right way works to appease all who wonder why the E! star was considered good enough for the cover of such an esteemed magazine. Along with flowery language (“The fast-cooling Los Angeles afternoon air is filled with the scent of eucalyptus and mimosa”) there’s even more tidbits about the family you’ve somehow come to know better than your own. For example, Kris Jenner must be referred to as “Lovey” not “Grandma,” Kim enjoys draping her daughter in Yeezy’s expensive chains and sneakers for mid-afternoon photo shoots and Kanye has already made North the subject of her own stop-motion video; a prime exhibit at MOMA can only be months away. On last night’s Late Night with Seth Meyers, Kim also revealed that North had an accident on her dad while posing for the photo above.

North’s entire existence has come with media scrutiny and attention that will likely become confusing at an undetermined yet rapidly approaching future date. Since she can’t speak for herself (… yet) here are 10 things North West might be thinking inside the pages of the fashion bible:

1. I’m hungry.

2. I have to pee.

3. Why does Mommy look so strange? I thought having cameras around was a good thing?

4. Lovey is scaring me.

5. I know, I know. Daddy invented the leather jogging pant.

6. How come Blue Ivy didn’t have to do this?

7. Seriously, I have to pee now. Sorry, Dad.

8. Who left me with these people?!

9. It’s really cold in here, guys.

10. Can someone hurry up and bring me some damn pants? And croissants, if you have them. Preferably chocolate.

Being photographed by Annie Leibovitz for Anna Wintour‘s magazine makes little North even more fabulous than she already is. But does it give her the edge over her pal Blue Ivy Carter?

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[Photo Credit: Vogue]