Your Childhood Prayers Have Been Answered: Barney Is Releasing A Rap Album

by (@SamSpokenWord)

celeb-sticker-barney

It’s been a long road, and a secretive one, but Barney has just announced his plan to drop a rap album in the fall of 2015. According to Barney’s PR rep, Baby Bop, the album is specifically geared towards audiences ages two through ten, although she claims individuals of any age will undoubtedly enjoy the “sick beats” and “foot-stomping dopeness.”
 When asked about the inspiration behind the album, entitled Purple Drank, Barney said a rap album was the natural next step in his career. “I needed a super-deeeee-duper idea to connect with my young, evolving audience. Entering the hip-hop scene was the clear move I needed to make.”

While samples of the unreleased album are nearly impossible to come by, VH1 staffers were lucky enough to get a taste, and hot-diggity-dinosaur did it live up to the anticipation. Boasting collaborations with Birdman, Big Bird, Miss Piggy and Missy Elliott – how could it possibly disappoint? Some notable tracks were “Chores: Cleanin’ Out My Closet” and “Nuthin’ But A,B,C,D,E,F,G Thang: Learn Your Alphabet!”. After a 40-minute music binge, our team collectively decided this album is destined for a Grammy nominee – and maybe even a VMA shout-out. 2015 can’t come soon enough.

Barney had little to say about his hopes for the album’s fiscal success, but did leave us with this closing remark: “Listen, it’s not about the dollah billz, for me. It’s about the fans. I mean, I already know my fans love me – heck, we’re a happy family. But a great big hug and kiss from me to you is only going to last so long. At a certain point, the fans are going to crave cold, hard rhymes. And now I can offer them that.”

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