By Christopher Rosa
Ariana Grande fans, rejoice— the pint-sized pop star’s sophomore album My Everything is out this week. (Well…erm, it technically leaked last week, but we’re sure no one downloaded it then, right? That would be naughty.) The follow-up to last year’s Yours Truly shows nice change in Grande’s style; she’s dipping her toes in EDM and and retro-pop alongside her specialty brand of Mariah Carey-like fare. But one thing certainly hasn’t changed: Grande’s “What the heck is she saying!?” enunciation. She needs a diction coach. Stat.
My Everything definitely shows off Grande’s out-of-this-world pipes, but we’re still at a loss as to what exactly she’s saying on a few songs. Does anyone really know what she’s singing in the verses on “Problem?” Didn’t think so. Simply put, Grande has the most beautiful and awe-inspiring gibberish ever recorded. Head in the clouds, indeed.
In honor of Grande’s new batch of poorly-pronounced (yet masterfully sung) tunes, we tried to decipher the most muffled lyrics on seven of her songs. Listen to the tracks and take a crack at the lyrics in the comments below. Honestly, your guess is as good as ours.
7. “Lovin’ It” from Yours Truly (2013)
Listen at: The 1:24 mark
Our guess: “It’s ‘gotta be enough. Take a bite of my flan.”
The obvious story: Grande is making a yummy dessert for her friend’s birthday, but doesn’t know if she has enough sugar. She asks her brother Frankie to taste the batter. Yep, definitely more sugar.
6. “Piano” from Yours Truly (2013)
Listen at: The 2:40 mark
Our guess: “I’m doing fish MY way!”
The obvious story: After she baked her flan, Grande decided to whip up some salmon for dinner. Frankie told her to season the salmon with paprika, but Grande wasn’t having any of it. Paprika on salmon!? What a monster.
5. “You’ll Never Know” from Yours Truly (2013)
Listen at: The 0:26 mark
Our guess: “…if you were smokin’ with ya lips, but now I’m with somebody else.”
The obvious story: Grande requires all her potential boyfriends be able to produce smoke from their lips so she doesn’t have to buy smoke machines for her concerts. Sadly, this Joe couldn’t do the magic; Grande kicked him to the curb.
4. “Break Free” (ft. Zedd) from My Everything (2014)
Listen at: The 2:29 mark
Our guess: “It was leaper. It was frayed up.”
The obvious story: Grande had a dream about what she wanted to wear to the 2014 MTV Video Music Awards, so she called her stylist in the middle of the night to tell her about it. In the dream, she was wearing distressed denim that made her feel like a jumping frog. Her stylist faxed over this picture the next day. Nailed it.