Nicki vs. Miley: Who Put Twerking To Bed?

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The 2014 MTV Video Music Awards continued a trend that Miley Cyrus tongue-thrusted into mainstream culture during last year’s show: Twerking. The latest pop diva to twerk it out is Nicki Minajwho mystified us with her ah-mazing derrière last night while performing her new hit “Anaconda.” So which one of these fierce ladies twerked it so hard that all others should just retire and never dip it low again? We’ve broken down the stats, and the results may surprise you. 

VH1′s crack team (get it?) of judges has evaluated the tape matching Cyrus’ twerk-tastic performance of “Blurred Lines” with Robin Thicke from last year’s show to Minaj’s sizzling showcase last night. While both women have unparalleled performance bravura, there can be only one Twerk Queen. We’ve based our judging on the following eight categories, awarding points ranging from 1 to 10.

Butt Size And Shape:

Miley (2013): 7

Nicki (2014): 10

Comments: Miley made good use of her asssss-ets, don’t get us wrong. But let’s not forget, Ms. Minaj won our prestigious Rear Of The Year title in 2013. Ever since Nicki began work on her new video, “Anaconda,” her beach-ball booty has achieved critical mass.

 

Speed:

Miley (2013): 9

Nicki (2014): 8

Comments: It was a close call, but Miley rear moved just a little bit faster when up against #Thicke. But she lost a point for making us look at his Beetlejuice suit.

 

Motion Of The Ocean:

Miley (2013): 3

Nicki (2014): 10

Comments:  Butt control is crucial to twerk success. Fast or slow, Nicki truly mastered the subtle dynamics of donking. Miley’s shakes seemed frantically fast at all times. That’s the sign of an amateur.

 

Wardrobe Sexiness:  

Miley (2013): 4

Nicki (2014): 9

Comments: We prefer Nicki’s seaweed bikini to Miley’s naughty teddy jumper.

 

Back-Up Dancer Skills: 

Miley (2013): 3

Nicki (2014): 9

Comments: Miley’s massive stuffed animal army was certainly memorable, but Nicki treated us to a fleet of dancers twerking in unison. We’re getting teary just thinking about it. Also, one of Nicki’s backup musicians took a twerk to the head. That takes dedication, folks.

 

Ability To Avoid A Wedgy: 

Miley (2013): 7

Nicki (2014): 8

Comments: Both were pretty successful in getting their business in a bunch, but Nicki’s extra acreage back there made the feat all the more impressive.

 

Presence Of A Foam Finger: 

Miley (2013): 10

Nicki (2014): 1

Comments: Miley took the innovative approach of including a foam finger in her twerk-tastic performance, which we’re pretty sure is a first in the dance’s history. Well done.

 

Overall Enthusiasm For The Artform:  

Miley (2013): 8

Nicki (2014): 10

Comments: Miley looks like she’s having a ball, but Nicki has really her career to the advancement of butts in pop culture. You can’t fake that drive.

 

Final Scores: 

Miley (2013): 44

Nicki (2014): 65

And there you have it! Our adjudicators have spoken and Nicki Minaj is the official Twerk Queen of the VMAs! And by taking this celebrated dance and pushing it through the mainstream factory, she has put it to bed once and for all. Now let’s never talk about twerking again…

Disagree with our choice for Twerk Queen of the VMAs? Take the poll below and let us know!

[Photo: Getty Images]