You were there through the bad driving, the head-shaving and the Criss Angel thing. It?s been a tough year for our girl. No one could have imagined a mere 12 months ago that she?d create such glorious new nonsense every week. Some of the craziness escapes you? Come back every day: We?re counting down the events that made up the Year in Britney.
October 3 ? Loses Mind, Babies ? After a three-hour hearing where both Brit and K-Fed were present, primary custody was awarded to Federline, while Spears received monitored visitation. In order to regain custody privileges, Spears would have to obtain a California driver?s license, attend parenting classes with Federline and submit to drug tests. The judge warned Spears to take his threats seriously. [MTV News]
October 5 ? Nobody?s Home — Just two days after the custody hearing wherein Federline was awarded full custody, the singer?s erratic behavior ? and a broken intercom ? caused her to miss her initial visit with her sons Jayden James and Sean Preston. Spears had initially planned to have her sons visit her at the Beverly Wilshire, then changed the location to her Malibu manse so as to make them more comfortable. The kids returned to Federline after several attempts to reach Spears, who was said to be inconsolable. [DListed]
October 26 ? ?Snort it, eat it, lick it?? ? At the follow-up custody hearing where Spears hoped to regain partial custody of her children, television correspondents inquired how the proceedings were going. Initially Spears responded that things were ?great,? then burst into a Tourette?s-type rage and shouted, ?Snort it, eat it, lick it, f*ck it.? [OK! Magazine]
October 29 ? Blackout, Indeed ? Without irony, Britney names her first studio album in four years Blackout. The name is intended as a message to ward off all the harm-wishers and haters who?d like to see the one-time Queen of Pop fail. The album, in addition to topping the charts, enrages the Catholic community, as it features shots of Ms. Spears seated on an attractive young priest?s lap. [NY Daily News]
October 30 ? Everyday is Halloween, Even Halloween ? In a bizarre turn of events, Britney ventures out for Halloween, just like unfit mothers around the globe. But they typically only have one costume. Apparently our girl spent over $1,000 on seven different get-ups. First up, Brit hit Winston?s as a slutty pirate wench, but quickly tired of the costume. Instead of leaving, she chatted up the bartender, stating ?You have nice tits. Mine are all saggy!? before demanding the bartender switch outfits with her. The following evening Britney was spotted out in her magenta cat-suit. [OK! Magazine]
[Image: X17]
Related Content
Britney Spears Artist Info
Brit’s 16-Year-Old Sis Is Pregnant!!!
Who Strips Better? Spears or Lohan?
Brit Bombs on the VMAs
Late this summer Vanessa Hudgens taught all of young Hollywood an important, valuable lesson – don’t take photos of yourself naked when you’re the star of a show beloved by billions of five-year olds. But honestly, we’re REALLY glad she did, because she made our summers that much sexier and entertaining! The up and coming starlet 
Based around Daft Punk?s ?Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger,? West?s top-charting single from his third album is part dance, part Nietzschean manifesto. Slamming together beats and rhymes in a furious display of his pop-star prowess, the producer-cum-rapper explains in no uncertain terms why he is the best thing to ever happen to music in the history of everything. Yes, some of the references are awkward, but his savvy wit and deep knowledge of the news of the day serves him well; any song that manages to somehow fit Kate Moss, O.J. Simpson, Isotoner gloves, Christian Dior, Louis Vuitton, A Bathing Ape, Prince and Apollonia into even a loose rhyme scheme is impressive. The video, which stars actors wearing Daft Punk?s robot suits and West?s post-post-modern fashion sense (Jeremy Scott sunglasses, Akira apparel), is the true star here, though, since it manages to both produce a vaguely coherent narrative and look extremely cool. Blame West?s fascination with Japanese art: His love of underground Japanese cultural lodestone Nigo (an artist, musician, clothing designer and all-around cultural kingpin) and artist Takashi Murakami have added up to something new entirely. Where the Wu-Tang were once fascinated by Bruce Lee, West has updated hip-hop?s not-so-latent orientalism. He wears it well.
It seems Spoon saved the best for almost-last when they placed ?Finer Feelings? as the penultimate track on Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga. While the song traffics in many of the things the Austin quartet have been doing best for over a decade (bright, spiky indie pop with a dollop of barely concealed contempt from too-cool frontman Britt Daniel), it also comes with a few new features. Starting with a sample from Mikey Dread, a collaborator of known Spoon-influence the Clash, Daniel launches into what might be his most personal song to date, a portrait of the artist as a young man: ?I was part-time at the Tasty Prawn/ That and moving furniture and cutting lawns/ Covered in newsprint, staying up real late/ Just holding out for some fate.? The band then devolves into a melodic cacophony, an interlude straight out of the ?Day In The Life,? playbook, all ricocheting guitar, Motown bassline and what sounds like a moaning, slowed-down harmonica. Daniel resorts to a series of ?do do do do,? so as not to detract from the symphony of detail he?s conjured.
Last week it was Hollywood darling Jessica Alba who revealed that she was with child, and this week, as the pregnancy announcements continued, we noticed that they seemed to kinda slip in celebrity caliber. Alba and Lily Allen might be A or B List-ish, but Jamie-Lynn Spears is definitely rocking the D List. And now the Z-List rounds out the celebrity baby train, with the depressing news that drug-addicted American Idol finalist Jessica Sierra is 
Poor little Ashlee Simpson. First she’s second fiddle to big sis Jess, and Papa Joe’s least favorite child. In the pop landscape, Ash hasn’t had it easy, what with the frequent surgical updates and the whole lip-syncing thing. Folks don’t exactly think of her as an “artist,” but that was all supposed to change on Wednesday. Ash was going to make her big announcement, unveiling both the first video for her song “Outta My Head (Ay ya ya)” [Ed: Yikes] and the title for her latest album, Bittersweet World. The single, produced by Timbaland, reflects Ashlee’s latest desire: ?I wanted to do music with beats.”
