ROOT

You read that headline correctly. The King of Pop is checking out vacation homes on Maryland’s Eastern Shore. His publicist told the Washington Post, "He’s always admired the properties on the East Coast because they have
a lot of land. Neverland has 3,000 acres?he
likes privacy. You can’t find as many properties like that on the West
Coast."

Get your evacuation plans ready, Maryland residents! You’re about to be flooded – with craziness. But hey, maybe Michael is a good neighbor. At least your kids could go next door and play in his amusement park.

If you thought the key to easy street lay with recording a record for G-Unit or maybe inventing a new flavor of Vitamin Water, think again. 50 Cent, budding mogul and onetime golem of Dr. Dre and Eminem, has said enough is enough. Speaking to White Rapper‘s Sacha Jenkins, 50 explained how his artists and their entourages have lightened his wallet by about $8.5 million, give or take. He also said that if his people were looking for a little walking-around money, he was the go-to guy: "Whether I got to give them $500,000 or $300,000 … Just ’cause they want $300,000 more to make what they [are] doing at the time comfortable. Like, ‘yo, I want to get this new place over here.’" Clearly 50′s ideas about friendship differ from most people’s: His ideas about friendship overlap with his ideas about branding and sponsorship. Consider this problem: "I looked around the room, and I was the only person with G-Unit sneakers on. But they were being paid," he adds. "It had become the norm for the check to come, but they were no longer wearing the clothes." Yikes. Those must be some ugly sneakers to risk losing a $500,000 pay day, you know, whenever you feel like it.

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Britney’s legal letter demanding her mom stay far way from her two tots wasn’t the meanest note she handed to Lynne Spears last week. Apparently the pop princess also included a poem entitled "Dear Mama" in her paper pile, detailing what she feels is unforgivable mother-daughter treatment. A source reveals that Brit disowns her mom in the piece, writing that "she couldn?t imagine a mother doing what she did to her child.?

And just what did Lynne do? Well supposedly Britney hired a private investigator to dig up the dirt and obtained recordings of her phone calls with K-Fed. One has her plotting a visit with Sean and Jayden at his place behind the pop princess’ back, in which Lynne even says, "I have to be careful that Britney doesn?t find out!" Nice try Mama. You should know better than to mess with Britney Jean!

Below the jump, our imagined version of Brit’s poetic masterpiece.   

Read more…

Diddy‘s living up to his bad boy moniker. After 10 years and three kids (most recently twins, born in December), Diddy and his model-actress girlfriend Kim Porter are calling it quits. The couple have been on-and-off throughout the course of their relationship. This time, though, Porter has purchased a home in Beverly Hills for her and her children, and isn’t coming back to Diddy’s New York digs.

Other occupants of the Heartbreak Hotel? Kate Moss and Pete Doherty. Seems that the couple (who were practically genetically engineered for one another) are on the outs, with Pete taking up with other models, Kate changing the locks and a moving van transporting Pete’s earthly goods to a quaint little trailer in West London.

Both TMZ and In Touch Weekly are reporting that Nicole Richie is indeed knocked up, preggers, with child – whatever you want to call it. She still looks like she’s eating for none, but hopefully that’ll change soon, as she’s rumored to be three months along. She’s also apparently going to marry her rocker boyfriend/possible baby daddy Joel Madden sometime this summer. Richie may want to hurry it up, cuz that July 11 court date’s not getting any farther away.  Maybe they can kill two birds with one stone and tie the knot at the courthouse before her hearing.

If Nicole really is pregs, she’ll probably officially announce it on July 4th, when all us gossip fiends are off barbecuing and setting off fireworks. Remember Jessica and Nick’s Thanksgiving divorce announcement a couple of years ago? Celebs have a way of using the holidays to their advantage. [TMZ/In Touch Weekly]

Courtney Love has posted a new track on her website, the first off her forthcoming solo release, Nobody’s Daughter. It’s called "How Dirty Girls Get Clean" and it’s unmistakably Courtney — lots of groaning, ominous atmospherics and what is very clearly Billy Corgan playing guitar. It’s a sad song, and it never really goes anywhere, but it’s also sort of intriguing. It starts with "I’ve lost my mind" and it never gets more optimistic than that. Take a listen. Does it sound like she’s coughing up a hairball to anyone else? And does she make hairballs sound sexy or what?