Steroids are celebrity poison. After a protracted investigation last year into performance-enhancing drugs’ presence in Major League Baseball, and Marion Jones‘ confession last fall that she had a little help from some pharmaceutical friends, authorities are looking at the world of rap and R&B. A new report alleges steroid use by several entertainers, including 50 Cent, Mary J. Blige, Timbaland, Wyclef Jean and Tyler Perry. (Blige’s spokesperson denies the accusation; Perry’s representation refused to comment.) What, if anything, this has to do with the price of tea in China is unclear: Officials say that none of the celebrities have broken the law, and that for now, they’re focusing on the doctors who are prescribing the drugs, not the already beleaguered music industry. Besides, unless we’ve been misled, ‘roids don’t help you rap. And if this story’s true, they apparently don’t help you win a fake record-selling battle with Kanye West trumped up for press on September 11th, either. Here are some sweet portraits of the artists in their buff mode.
In other, sort of related news: NBC has been randomly testing the cast members of the network’s hit show American Gladiators in an effort to avoid just this sort of thing. In made-up, totally fake news: the WWE saw the story in this morning’s New York Post, went home and Soloflexed the tears away shortly before putting its fingers in its ears and throwing out its television set.
The rumor’s out that alt-rock lightning rod/David LaChapelle muse Courtney Love has begun casting for a 2009 film based on Heavier Than Heaven, a biography of her husband, Mr. Pisces Iscariot himself, Kurt Cobain. According to reports, Love has asked Woody Allen mainstay Scarlett Johansson to play herself. She’s also reportedly lined up Ryan Gosling to play Cobain. No word on whether or not she’s asked Keanu Reeves to play Krist Novoselic, Animal from the Muppets to play Dave Grohl, Will Ferrell to play Mark Lanegan, Anthony Bourdain to play Chris Cornell, Adam Duritz to play Buzz Osbourne, Karen O to play Kathleen Hanna, Kathleen Hanna to play Kat Bjelland, or Thurston Moore to play Eric Erlandson, but stay tuned and we’ll let you know as soon as the news breaks.
Congrats to Nicole Richie and Christina Aguilera! They both were busy on Friday poppin’ out babies at the same time ( and at the same hospital). Nicole and her boyfriend Joel Madden welcomed a baby girl named Harlow Winter Kate Madden, while Xtina gave birth a couple of hours later to new son Max Liron Bratman. It’s probably too soon – and too creepy – to suggest that these two tots should totally date someday, right? Anyway, everyone (admittedly, ourselves included) is so mushy and gushy over the starlets’ new journey into motherhood that we’ve almost forgotten the moments that got them here. You know the assless chaps, the hair extensions, the trashy make up and boob flashing. But rest assured, we haven’t! So Harlow Winter Kate and Max, when that angsty moment comes around your thirteenth birthday, and you feel the urge to lash out against your super cool Hollywood mom, this post will be there for you, preserved somewhere in the archives of the web. Print out these pics (see below), hang them around your mansion and enjoy the drama that follows. You can thank us by not ever needing to go to rehab.
Bjork Beats Down Photog
The singer tore off a pap’s shirt after he snapped her pic down under. That seems more sexy than threatening.? [TMZ]
Britney: Shops in her Wedding Dress
Honestly, do expect anything less than Britney shopping for Mercedes with her boyrazzi in the wedding dress she wore when marrying K-Fed?? Crazy is as crazy does.? [People]
Kim Kardashian Defends her Man
While clubbing in LA, Kim kicked out the dude who apparently bribed her NFL star boyfriend with money while he was in college. Dashie don’t play that.? [NYDN]
The Golden Globes Happened – Did You Notice?
Atonement wins for best pic, and everyone goes home bored.? [EOnline]
Eva’s Got Jessica Simpson’s Back
The actress stands up for her pal after fans start blaming the Cowboys’ playoff loss on Jessica. We like to blame Jess for everything – global warming is totally her fault!? [People]
Radiohead: What eminently likeable rapscallions they are.
In addition to snookering the entire record industry by releasing their latest collection, In Rainbows, on their own, without the mitigation of label distribution and/or marketing (really makes you wonder whether Seinfeld needed to torture everyone with that Bee Movie campaign, doesn’t it?), the experimental British post-rockers topped Billboard’s album charts this past week. The amount of records sold was negligible — they didn’t even break 130,000 — but still, for a band that basically gave away its new album for free online, that’s not half bad. Because Radiohead loves you, they’ve released videos of them performing songs off their new album. Watch “Jigsaw” (above), “Unravel,” “Reckoner” and “Bodysnatcher” here now. The lo-fi charm is undeniable. Just try to deny it, and we’ll send 10 rabid Radiohead fans to your house now to explain why you’re wrong. They’ll do it, too. Trust us.
Adrien Grenier, better known as the allegedly sexy Vincent Chase on Entourage (personally I think he looks like one of the dudes on Cavemen), has been casing the country recently searching for some easy tail. Adrien allegedly propositioned a pair of pals in Miami over the holidays with, “Why don’t we just all go upstairs? I want to sleep with both of you.’?” He was also spotted hitting on a girl at a party in NYC by asking her name and occupation, followed by, “That’s cool. So how about we go home and I f*ck the sh*t out of you?”
Hard to resist, surely, but the girl shockingly turned him down. But now the dude has wised up and gone after someone of his own, er, caliber: Italian stallion rider, Lindsay Lohan. The pair reportedly went on a date this week in Beverly Hills, where their conversation surely flowed like the finest red wine:
Adrien:So, what do you do?
Lindsay: I’m an actor. You?
Adrian: I’m an actor too.
Lindsay: Cool. So…
Adrian: Yeah, so. Do you wanna go-
Lindsay: Yes, now.
Regarding the above post title, “it” could and does mean many things. She should bring herself, obvs, and her best behavior. She should probably also bring her meds, some smokes, a lighter, a secret stash of Cheetos and a bra. Maybe her sanity too. Because Monday’s custody could very well be the biggest day in Brit’s career as a mom – and as America’s favorite past time. Britney MUST attend the hearing, and if she does not show up or is difficult during the process (according to some insiders), she’ll never be able to lock herself in the bathroom with her kids again.
TMZ also reports that firefighters, police officers and medics will be testifying in court, and the sheriff’s department will be on stand-by in case Britney freaks out in court. SO basically, Monday is going to be the best day ever. Brit’s back from her 24-hour Mexico vacation with her boyfriend, and the two spent last night romantically driving around and hitting up gas stations. Maybe they’ll stay int his weekend and prepare for Brit’s big day? Eh, probably just the opposite.
Just because everyone’s all up K-Fed’s butt complimenting him for being a good parent doesn’t mean we want to him to create more of his special brand of hip-hop. Does anyone really even think that highly of him? The only reason he looks so good these days is because he’s being compared to Britney Spears, and that’s like comparing a car accident to a nuclear disaster. And while Federline is wise enough to not create another album himself, he’s apparently hard at work producing what are surely Popozao rip-offs. An insider says, “Kevin has been actively producing, nurturing new artists and doing it all from his home studio, so he can be there for his kids whenever they need him. He loves the music business and is committed to making it a career for himself, even if it’s not as a singer. He knows no one will ever take him seriously as a performer, so he’s working behind the scenes as a producer.”
Okay okay, that’s kinda sweet, but isn’t music made by K-Fed just as bad as music performed by K-Fed? He should stick to what he’s good at – making babies – instead.? [E Online]
Jessica Alba Totally Psyched About Baby Bump
She says of her life, “It’s the best time ever. I have two movies coming out, a baby, a fianc? ? everything.” This chick is the reason why girls hate other girls. [People]
Brit?s Kid Covered in Bruises, Bite Mark
Cops were worried, but it turns out Jayden got the bruises at K-Fed’s house and the bite from his older bro. And here we thought Brit confused him for a Cheesy Gordita Crunch.? [Us]
Pam Anderson Calls Marriage: ?Can of Worms?
Spoken like someone who gets married after knowing the guy from 2 months.? [Us]
Katie Holmes Raves About Suri
“She’s a very strong woman,” Katie Holmes says of her daughter”…And really magical.” Um, and you’re a very creepy woman. And really brainwashed.? [People]
Rosie And Elisabeth Make Up
If these two can become friends again, than world peace is possible! Though, their friendship is way more important than ethnic groups who have battled for centuries, obvs.? [People]