We rejoin American Idol at its first-ever San Diego auditions, where 12,000 hopefuls lined the sunny streets to warble their mostly off-key way to fame. The San Diego auditions highlighted the capriciousness of Idol–what works for some is poison for others. Let?s take a look:
First of all guys, f*ck you, because I’m the only sideways mustache on a chin – a chin! – that you’re ever gonna see in your life. That alone right there proves how awesome I am. But if that isn’t enough, let’s just say I am attached to the dude who is currently trying to make babies with Britney Spears. Yeah I said it - she wants his baby. Because Brit wants a tot that can rock a stache like this, dudes. For reals. Maybe you saw my main man Adnan Ghalib on TV last night, looking all sexy and smug and babbling about how he wants to marry Britney. Well it’s true ya’ll, they love each other, and I get to go along for the ride. Click here if you want to see my sexiness in action (oh and Adnan too, chatting about the
paycheck love of his life). Finally, I want to respond to the billions of inquiries I’ve received as to how I look so good. My secret is this: I’m actually a Brazilian bikini wax, just done on a chin. Slam!
Mariah Carey Magically Got Hot
Topless and toned – it’s Mimi at her best. Now if only she’d work that hard on getting her album out. [DListed]
Beyonc? & Tina: Diva Duet at Grammys
Finally someone’s gonna show B what it really means to be bootylicious. [People]
Amy?s Crack Video Piques Police Interest
Surprise surprise, British police aren’t so psyched about Winehouse’s choice of illegal substances to abuse. [People]
Brit?s Boyfriend?s Wife Ready to Divorce
Girl, what took you so long?! [People]
Denise Richards Casts Her Kids in Her Reality Show
We love seeing how far stars can take their tackiness, and going to court to fight – and win – for your toddler daughters to be in your reality tv show is pretty gross. Nice work, Denise! [TMZ]
‘Ello mates! This ‘er is the British accent version of your daily Britney Spears update! Things got bloody crazy this weekend, after Britney reportedly dumped her snogging partner, photog Adnan Ghalib. Her mate Sam Lufti even claimed to have a restraining order against the lad! The lass finally wised up to Adnan’s dodgy ways, but it looks like her brief moment of intelligence came too late. The snake is already trying to sell text messages Brit sent him from her mobile, and the messages reveal that the singer wants to be a teacher! What a daft bugger!
A knackered-looking Brit got over her heartache by keeping busy – she worked on a dance routine for her new video and even managed to make it to her court-ordered deposition! But our personal fave moment came when British Britney told a homeless chap who was begging her for help, “You would rather be homeless than be me, sir!” What cheeky bollocks! We’d take her insane brain if it meant getting close to all that cash – and we’re gonna guess our hobo pal feels the same. Enjoy her rant in the video above. Cheerio!
Another day, another name for Diddy. The artist formerly known as P. Diddy, Puff Daddy, and J. Lo’s boyfriend has decided to go by Sean John, his birth name, for the foreseeable future. ?I have always evolved and taken a different name each time. Right now I want to be Sean John because that?s where I am right now,? said the remix inventor, according to the Daily Star. So what could this mean for the many-monikered rapper? A new album? Another cologne? Sean John might be preparing his new image for his brand new reality television show.
Here’s a new Amy Winehouse home video to brighten your day. In it, the singer continues her Self Destruction 2008 Tour by smoking from a crack pipe and talking about how she just took six Valium. The whole thing is recorded by a friend who then sold the video to the British tabloid The Sun, which should be a lesson to all you famous crackheads out there. If a pal is taping you inhaling/snorting/injecting/smoking/eating drugs, tell them to shut that sh*t off! Learn something from Amy Winehouse – something other than just drugs being bad, obvs. [The Sun]
Sundance Film Festival Filled with D-Listers
Kim Kardashian, Nicky Hilton and Nicole Eggert from Charles in Charge class up Robert Redford’s once hip film fest. [NYP]
Kiefer Sutherland Back on the Streets
Jack is back from the clink to save America – but without 24 on the tube this year, how can he really help us? [People]
Brad Renfro Remembered at Funeral
The actor was honored by family members and friends at a service in his hometown. RIP. [Us]
Denise Richards Wants Tacky Reality Show for her Fam
The ‘actress’ is fighting with ex Charlie Sheen to allow their two daughters to appear in the reality show she is pitching. World, meet the next Dina Lohan! [Ok!]
Paris Talks BritBrit: She?s a ?sweet girl!?
Expert Paris Hilton dished on Britney and Nicole at Sundance, shocking the world by not talking about herself for 30 seconds straight. [Us]
On Tuesday we sang the praises of the beer-loving Aussie dude who dismayed his ‘hood with a wild-ass college-age throw-down, and earned himself some Net notoriety when he stood tall against a haughty news anchor who tried to discipline him on camera. A lesson was learned by stoner rebels everywhere: if your glasses are “famous,” keep ‘em right on your nose.
So did our man Corey Worthington shrink away and mumble apologies to family and friends once the dust settled? Hell, no. He dodged his parents, accepted more interviews and set up his next bash. Currenly he is mulling over sizable hosting fees, a la Linds and Brit.
What kind of music you think Corey Worthington listens to?
Lindsay Lohan will never
drive drunk get caught drunk driving again. She’s about to be scared straight thanks to her court-ordered punishment for all that drunk driving and coke rage last summer. Lindsay will be spending two days working at a morgue, followed by two days working in a hospital emergency room. Sounds like she might want to leave her leggings at home and rock some scrubs for a week! We did a little research and Google image searched ‘morgue,’ and holy sh*t was that a bad idea. If we can freak out just from a couple of thumbnail-sized pics, we have a feeling Lindsay is gonna be quakin’ in her Louboutins. At least she gets to be scared in fancy shoes.
You may have heard that Britney Spears is allegedly suffering from–among other numerous things–multiple personality disorder. She’s got a few Britneys that can pop out at any time, including the British Girl, the Weepy Girl, the Diva and the Incoherent Girl. They sound like the scariest girl clique ever. Seeing as the Associated Press has already written Brit’s obituary in case she kicks the bucket (how classy of them), we’ve penned obits for each of the Britneys that exist, in hopes that maybe a new, singular personality can emerge: Normal Girl.
Diva, Who Looked F*cking Hot in a No Underwear, Passes Away at 26
Diva was hot and sexy and didn’t give a crap what you thought. She doesn’t care if you’re reading this obituary or not. She leaves behind numerous people who can f*ck off and go to hell: her ex-husband Kevin Federline, his lawyers, her lawyers, her parents, her knocked up sister, all her ex-assistants who sold their stories to Us Weekly, President George W. Bush, Kermit the Frog, Candace Cameron and the entire cast of Full House, and her dog, London.
Incoherent Girl, Who Like Y’all What! Hey?, Gone at 26
Oh my word–this butter dip is amazing. Incoherent Girl got some new shoes and they look like tree trunks floating on marshmallows down a river of bread crumbs! There is a cat on your head. Let’s remember that time she accidentally peed her pants on a cruise ship–whoops! It sure is cold in here, y’all. Read more…