If you have two eyes and watched Britney move around on the VMAs stage like a tired raver trying to dance at 10AM after a night of hardcore clubbing, you’ll know that there really is no conspiracy involving her crappy performance. Britney straight up sucked it, but the excuses and stories keep pouring in placing the blame for Brit’s disaster on anyone and anything. We break ‘em down below, and all they really prove is that Brit is still a sloppy mess with ratty hair.
The Boot Heel:
Theory – Britney’s boot heel snapped at the beginning of the performance (check out the video “proving” this theory above).
Response - Maybe, but a broken boot heel doesn’t put a glazed look in one’s eye.
Theory - Ken Paves – Jessica Simpson’s elfish hair stylist – was supposed to do Brit’s mane but quit at the last minute, after Brit was difficult to work with. So the singer supposedly styled her own hair with extensions from Jessica Simpson’s Hair-U-Wear line.
Response – So that’s why her hair looked so cheap! It’ still no excuse for forgetting how to lipsynch.
The Fat Pig:
Theory - MTV wanted Britney to wear a “form-flattering corset,” but Brit opted for that bikini number instead. Shortly before the show, she had an epiphany: She no longer has the body of a teenager.
Response - This doesn’t explain her failure on-stage, but maybe why she supposedly cried ?Oh, my God, I looked like a fat pig! I looked like a fat pig!? as she ran off-stage after her flop. Brit – for the record, you may have sucked, but you looked nice n’ healthy in that fugly bikini.
[Video via DListed]
Lindsay: Back in Court
Even though she’s in rehab, LiLo can’t escape the law, as the actress is being forced back to court to deal with a 2005 car accident. It’s almost like she’s addicted to driving like an idiot. [E Online]
Pics: Is That a J. Lo Baby Bump?
The starlet looks like she’s got a tiny baby bulge behind that fancy dress (check out the pic!). Is there a little Lopez on the way? [Just Jared]
Ashlee’s Two Men Duke It Out
Simpson’s dad and boyfriend battled with a nightclub bodyguard who pushed the starlet. Sounds real chivalrous – but what was she doing hanging with her father? [NYDN]
Timberlake Loses Voice, Cancels Shows
Aw, poor Justin. All that hollerin’ he did at the VMAs has finally caught up with him. Guess you can only bring so much sexiness back before it starts to wreck you. [Us Weekly]
MTV Attempts Peace with Kanye
The network tried to make nice with the whiny star, who vowed never to work with MTV again. Just give the guy a couple moon men so he’ll shut the eff up. [People]
Jonesing for music on your television set? Well, you?ve come to the right place! Check out our shortlist below. For more extensive listings, read VH1?s Rock on TV schedule daily.
Beach Blanket Bingo, 6:30 a.m. (EST), ELOV: Cast your mind back to a simpler time — Britney had hair, Kanye had an appropriately sized ego, and there wasn’t even a show called Flavor of Love. Now subtract forty years, and you’re in the right era for this delightful relic of singing cinema — a bike gang kidnaps a matinee idol, and sky-diving surfers are involved. With Annette Funicello, Frankie Avalon, and Brian Wilson before he lost it.
Chasing Liberty, 8:00 p.m. (EST), FAM: Now here’s a double bill you don’t see every day: Mandy “I’m not a teen pop star any” Moore with Philly hip hop outfit the Roots. Works though, in this love-on-the-run teen vehicle that features Mandums as the frustrated First Daughter, and the Roots live in concert.
Our fair sister network, MTV, has greenlit a somewhat interesting dating show: A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila. The idea behind it? Television’s very first bisexual dating game. Tila Tequila is the Internet celebrity said to be the most popular person on MySpace (and with over 2 million “friends,” whoever’s saying that just might be right). The show will feature 16 straight lesbians and 16 guys debasing themselv. . . er, vying for Tila’s love and attention. As the sexes and sexual orientations do battle, Tila becomes ever more famous and MTV breaks new ground. Or something. Says Ms. Tequila: “The only twist is that these guys and these girls have NO IDEA that I am bisexual and that they are competing against each others sexes!!! GUYS AGAINST GIRLS….WHO WILL I END UP HOOKING UP WITH????? WILL I BE STRAIGHT OR LESBIAN IN THE END?????” Jeez. They’re going to be untangling this one out in wymyn’s studies for the next 50 years or so. And that cash-register noise? Sounds like Tila’s got money in the bank. What you think about that?
Tune in to MTV October 9th at 10 p.m. and check our gallery of Tila Tequila pics.
There’s something so painful about this “Britney Fan” that we dare you to try to watch this clip and not immediately want to crawl under your desk in the fetal position and shut yourself off from the world for a year or too. We did not see tears, as the video’s creator claims exists (yes, we watched it in full screen, it was hellish), but we’re sure Britney could learn a thing or two from Chris Crocker‘s performance skills. We would also like to argue that Britney has indeed performed on a stage recently. Remember those “secret shows” she did? So right. Poor, poor Britney. If we leave her alone, Chris, will you stop making horrifying YouTube videos? K’thanks.
VMA Recap: What Happens in Vegas…
Britney Bombs on the VMAs | Disastrous Photos
Britney’s Kids Have Rotting Teeth
Is Brit Beating Her Babies?
Well it’s a good thing Tommy Lee took to his personal blog to clear up the rumors about his fight with Kid Rock. We had read that Tommy had been taunting Kid all night, but now we know that he was just sitting there, minding his business, and was innocently attacked by the Detroit rap-rocker. Of course! How could we be so stupid. So why would Kid Rock smack Tommy unprovoked? He was probably pissed off that he wore a stripper’s cropped cowboy shirt to an awards show.
Read Tommy’s (edited down) blog post and let us know who you think is in the wrong:
Yeah!! …..here I am minding my own biz having a great time……Pamela comes and sits on my lap who I love and adore….and i get a text from another friend P. Diddy and he says come sit with me…..and he’s sitting with Miss HOT Megan FOX so I go over and sit with P! Not a minute later and Alicia Keys starts her amazing performance….I get a tap on the shoulder from Kid Pebble…I stand up and embrace him with a semi hug and say “Hey dude…What up”?? He punches me in the face…..well if ya wanna call it that!?….more like a bitch slap!…….Wuss!!
Tommy Lee, Kid Rock Fight Over Old Trash
VMA Recap: What Happens in Vegas…
Britney Bombs on the VMAs | Disastrous Photos
If you thought Keyshia Cole wanted to be a singer when she grew up, think again. The maiden of melismatic melodrama tells Sister 2 Sister‘s Jamie Foster Brown that she has her sights set on “getting married and having kids and becoming a veterinarian.” How’s that for abrupt and…uh, weird? “If it be the Lord’s will, I will have enough money to open up a veterinary hospital. Then I could just hire doctors to come in and I could go to school,” says Keyshia, who clearly has thought about this a lot. But when will she learn the ins and outs of animals? Why, on her tour bus, of course!
Later, Jamie asks Key what will happen in the event of necessary euthanasia. Here’s what Keyshia says:
“I won’t do that part. I’ll call somebody else in for that. I can’t hurt them. Somebody else just gonna have to do that part. I’ll do surgeries and stuff to save their life, but that’s not hurting them.“
Clearly, the girl has a little more studying to do before we can start referring to her as “Doctor.”
Blog Best-Of: Keyshia?s Conjecture
R. Kelly Believes He Can Fly the Coop
Keyshia Cole Artist Info
Browse Keyshia Cole Photos
Watch Her Music Videos
It’s Tuesday, meaning Kanye West must have run his mouth again. This time, though, Ye’s pissed off on the Pantyless One’s behalf, too. Speaking on New York radio station Z100, West — whose album Graduation drops today — criticized MTV’s treatment of artists, critiquing Britney‘s much maligned comeback performance from Sunday evening: “When Britney was opening [the VMA telecast], near the end, I felt so bad for her. I said, ‘Man, it’s a dirty game. This game will chew you up and spit you out.’” No word on whether the network was plying the pop tart with margaritas and enforcing a no underwear policy. Kanye then went on to discuss how MTV betrayed him, encouraging him to perform in a suite when he should have been on the main stage of the 2007 VMAs. “It was my dream when I made ‘Stronger’ to open up the VMAs with a real power performance,” West said, bemoaning his performance, which is demonstrative of a larger issue: don’t write songs with dreams of award shows dancing in your head. It will only end in tragedy.
For more of Kanye’s greatest disses, feuds and brags, go here.
The Quotable Kanye West
Kanye vs. Kevlar King: Fiddy Got a Future?
Oops! Maybe Courtney Love didn’t know Jack Osbourne was only fifteen years old when she gave him OxyContin for the first time. Still that excuse ain’t gonna fly with his mama Sharon, who fumed:
“I will never have time for Courtney Love. She was the first person to give my son Jack the prescription drug OxyContin. There’s not a shadow of doubt in my mind about that. My dislike towards her is very personal. I’m not saying Jack wouldn’t have taken it if she hadn’t given it to him, but I’m appalled that an adult mother would give that to a 15-year-old boy. How could she do that to someone else’s child? I haven’t had a row with her, but I will never talk to her.”
Ouch. Well kiddies, now you know where to go to get the goods – just look for the crazy lady dressed like a psychedelic clown. Check out the pics below for more of Courtney’s cracked out style from last night’s Marc Jacobs fashion show in NYC [DListed. Images: Getty]
Coogan Crosses Self Out
Courtney Fails To Assure Internet of Her Sanity
Lily Not Thrilled With Courtney, Courtney Not Thrilled With Mouth
Courtney Celebrates 43 by Trashing Hotel