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by (@katespencer)

Friday: Suri Cruise is Wise Beyond Her Years

suri-cruise.jpgJessica Alba Totally Psyched About Baby Bump
She says of her life, “It’s the best time ever. I have two movies coming out, a baby, a fianc? ? everything.” This chick is the reason why girls hate other girls. [People]

Brit?s Kid Covered in Bruises, Bite Mark
Cops were worried, but it turns out Jayden got the bruises at K-Fed’s house and the bite from his older bro. And here we thought Brit confused him for a Cheesy Gordita Crunch.? [Us]

Pam Anderson Calls Marriage: ?Can of Worms?
Spoken like someone who gets married after knowing the guy from 2 months.? [Us]

Katie Holmes Raves About Suri
“She’s a very strong woman,” Katie Holmes says of her daughter”…And really magical.” Um, and you’re a very creepy woman. And really brainwashed.? [People]

Rosie And Elisabeth Make Up
If these two can become friends again, than world peace is possible! Though, their friendship is way more important than ethnic groups who have battled for centuries, obvs.? [People]

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Mary J. & Maroons Will Rock Pepsi Smash

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What could be better than seeing Mary J. Blige or Maroon 5? Seeing Mary J. Blige and Maroon 5! The Queen of Hip-Hop Soul and the Cali funksters are hitting Glendale, Arizona to play the NFL Pepsi Smash Bowl Bash. Expect plenty of top-secret, special guests joining Mary and Maroon, arena-worthy performances, and absolutely no boob-flashing.

Can’t make it to the show? We’ll be broadcasting it on VH1 on February 2nd at 9pm. Can’t wait that long? Check out our Pepsi Smash site, with tons of videos and performances by Mary J. and Maroon 5.

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The Wire: Everyone’s Going to Baltimore

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Everyone’s talking about The Wire this week. The first episode of the final season premiered last Sunday, and the battles of Baltimore (corners, schools, newsrooms) are on lots of tongues. If you’re not down with the HBO gem, there are lots of ways to ramp up. Here’s a four-minute distillation of a four previous seasons. Here’s a way to hear the new CD compilation that corrals the music and dialogue. Here’s a list of Marlo Stanfield‘s favorite tunes. If you want to read what’s on creator/producer David Simon‘s mind, this should do.

Who’s your favorite character?

by (@katespencer)

Britney Spears Flees to Mexico

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Well, we feel stupid. Last night we feel asleep giddy with the thought of running into Britney at our local Starbucks here in the Big Apple. Brit leaked the news that she was heading here to NYC, when she really hopped a flight – with paparazzi plaything Adnan Ghalib – to Mexico. Wow, punked by Britney! If only she applied those smarts to getting her life in order, she’d probably be doing okay. But you know – priorities! Apparently Brit was spotted buying fake Gucci bags and checked into a hotel, only to check out later that night, of course. Now, no one has any idea where the pair is. How about rehab?

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American Idol Returns, But Former Contestants Can’t Catch a Break

mcphee.jpgSeason 7 of American Idol premieres next Wednesday and Thursday on Fox, but evidence in the press suggests that contestants might not have as long a shelf-life as Kelly Clarkson’s career would have you believe. Case in point? Katharine McPhee has split from RCA records, joining her fellow castmates Taylor Hicks and Ruben Studdard in being without label representation. Wikipedia notes that there are rumors of her courting another major label (or vice-versa), but there’s no word on any of that yet. Still, she’s in markedly better shape than down-and-out former Idol contestant Jessica Sierra, who’s on VH1′s new show, premiering tonight, Celebrity Rehab. Couple all that with Sanjaya exhaustion, and we’re beginning to wonder: Has the Idol phenomenon lost its luster? Maybe it’s just us, but we’re kind of wishing pop music would go back to its much less democratic state, with nepotism and Berry Gordy in charge.

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Avril Lavigne Pregnant?!?!

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According to reports, 23-year-old mall punk Avril Lavigne is pregnant. IsThisHappening.com is saying that Lavigne is six weeks along, making her debauched New Year‘s a no-no. The singer’s husband, Sum 41 frontman Deryck Whibley, has allegedly been telling friends about the baby, due in August. Obviously, it’s too soon to tell whether it’ll be a chain-walleted baby boy or a racoon-eyed little girl.

by (@katespencer)

Thursday: Rumble in The Hills

hills-011008.jpgKatie Holmes: More Marathoning in Boston
Mrs. Cruise was allowed into the Boston Marathon without actually qualifying because the people of Beantown want to see her run sans bra again. Oh, and she’s famous. [Us]

Jessica Simpson: NFL No Show

Her career, her boyfriend’s career – what can Jess ruin next? Fingers crossed that it’s Ashlee’s upcoming album! [Us]

Don?t Worry, The Hills Girls Are Still BFF
OMG, like, they are still totally giving each other blank stares at clubs and eating Pinkberry together! Phew. [E Online]

Milo and Hayden Make Love Work
Screw that 12-year age difference, these two are totally in love! And we’re like, totally grossed out. [Us]

John Mayer Dumps Actress Gal Pal
Finally he can go back to boning random, trashy chicks like a real “rock star.” [People]

by (@katespencer)

What Else Can We Sue Lindsay Lohan For?

lindsayloham-money.jpgRemember when Linds got all coked up, stole a car with some dudes in it and almost ran her assistant and her mom off the road? Well now that mom, Tracie Rice, is suing her ass, and the stuff she is claiming is kind of hilarious. We’re sure the ride was traumatic, but was it really bad enough to require medication? Aside from losing her job (say what?!) and therefore her $75,000 a year income, Lindsay’s rage has also cost her:

  • $3500 on therapy ($175 per visit)
  • $400 on a medical doctor
  • $145 for a chiropractor visit
  • $100 on “medicine” (er, you mean cocaine?)

But surely there are other things she could add on to make LiLo pay for them, right? How about:

  • $300 worth of leggings (to look like the star she’s suing)
  • $2000 on tanning sessions (see above)
  • $350 on tabloid subscriptions (she’s gotta keep up with Lindsay’s whereabouts!)

Go for it Tracie!

by (@katespencer)

Mama Britney’s Nudie Pics: Coming Soon!

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Poor Britney, even when she’s posing with her kids – as seen above on the latest cover of Ok! Magazine – she looks like she’s in the middle of a meltdown. And now it seems like we’ll be seeing a new side to Britney – well, not that new. But newer! Brit’s paparazzi boyfriend (who she supposedly dumped recently after figuring out his scheme) has been shopping around pics of Britney kinda naked, and apparently some Aussie mag has snatched them up. Only problem? The photog was asking for $5 million, and in the end they took in about $57,000. Brit ain’t worth what she used to be!In addition, Brit’s fam has apparently been trying to get her into a mental institution to deal with her bipolar disorder, but she wasn’t havin’ none of it. Another problem? Her pal Sam Lufti allegedly was a major impediment in getting her some treatment. What are friends for, afterall!?

by (@katespencer)

Paula Abdul’s Major 10 Minute Meltdown

What perfect timing! Just as we were gearing up for a new season of American Idol comes this crazy tale of our precious Paula Abdul totally losing it in the airport. A traveling spy saw the whole thing and offered this glorious account: “She had an insane nervous breakdown that lasted 10 minutes. One minute she was hyperventilating and on the verge of passing out; the next she was yelling into her cell phone in this deep, rage-filled ?Poltergeist? voice. She kept screaming three names over and over ? Michael, Sidney and Leslie. Everyone was staring at her, but she didn?t care.?

We have a feeling Michael, Sidney and Leslie have grabbed their passports, some cash and their dignity and high-tailed it out of the country. Will Paula lose it on this season of American Idol? Did Sanjaya have the lamest hair ever? Only six more days till we find out! Below the jump we’ve got a few of our other favorite Paula moments for you to marvel at.

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