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The Rock Life Recap: Episode 3

Rainbow Jeramy

The boys hit the road, with the express purpose of geting Tony Potato laid. Which shouldn’t be a problem, given that Whitestarr has “girls galore.” Post-show, Cisco describes Mr. Potato as “a dancer, a lawyer, an overall renaissance man, but he cannot follow through on anything.” A heart-to-heart ensues after a crestfallen Tony leaves the backstage area to take a leak, and Cisco follows him into the bathroom. Apparently Tony’s trouble isn’t the fact that he’s overweight, balding and in a struggling band (what girl wouldn’t want that!?!), but that he has no follow through.

The band embark on a tour, playing 28 shows in 30 days to bring the music to the people. Cisco doesn’t seem to think of what he does as “touring and playing music” so much as pirating: “taking what we need and leaving some scurvy…new town every night, new girl every night.” This proves more difficult for Tony. In one particularly painful scene, Tony has one unsuspecting female in a half nelson, and as she cackles on his lap she says, “I don’t do dancers. I only do rock stars.” Wrong bus, sister.

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Biggie Smalls Casting Call

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This crossed our desks. We thought some of you might be interested. It seems Fox Searchlight is casting for the role of Biggie Smalls in their upcoming film Notorious. Think you’ve got what it takes? Well, unless you’ve got an endless supply of Cohibas, a yacht and the voice of angel, we doubt it. But go here to apply now anyhow. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

See the full ad after the jump …

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Van Halen Tour: Go Ahead and Jump

Van Halen Reunion Tour

Gas, brake, gas, brake, gas. After hitting some snags in the late spring, the principals of a little band known as Van Halen have finally figured out a time when they can all be together on stage. Their keenly anticipated tour has officially been announced, and the guys, David Lee Roth, Eddie Van Halen, Alex Van Halen and Eddie’s son Wolfgang Van Halen (filling in for uninvited original bassist Michael Anthony), will be bouncing around the country starting in September. “Hello, CLEVELAND!”

Check out the list of dates after the jump. But, actually, maybe you should get reacquainted with the dudes beforehand. Videos are right this way. And if you feel like taking a quiz on old Diamond Dave, have a go at it.

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by (@katespencer)

Amy Winehouse Admits to Drug Overdose

Amy WinehouseIt sounds like Amy Winehouse‘s drug use has finally scared even herself. It’s about time – the rest of us were freaked out months ago. The singer recently opened up to News of the World, a UK tabloid, about her recent overdose after ingesting and smoking a massive drug cocktail:

“It was just crazy?one of the most terrifying moments of my life. I don’t know how to explain what happened. I don’t really know myself. I can’t remember what I looked like. I couldn’t recognise myself. It was terrifying?I was terrified. I was so out of control. It just happened. It shocked me. I’m sorry?I just don’t know what got into me. I never want to feel that way again. I’ve scared myself this time. I was all over the place. I know things have got to change. I have to sort myself out. I’m fine. I’ll be back at work on Monday. I’m fine, honest.”

Except that she’s not going to be back at work for a while, as she just canceled a bunch of gigs opening for the Rolling Stones in Germany. But not to worry, “fine” is the word we always use to describe people who slip into comas after going on a bender of booze, heroin, cocaine, ecstasy and ketamine, so that’s a relief! Amy Winehouse is going to be a-okay. [Image: Getty]

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by (@katespencer)

K-Fed’s Private Dick Serves Brit Papers

britkevin081307.jpgWho knew that behind the cigarettes and socks n’ flip flops, there lurked a caring, protective dad? Kevin Federline is emerging as the father of the year, turning his custody battle for Sean and Jayden into an all out brawl. After filing for full custody last week, he sent “security expert” Aaron Cohen to a late-night party in the Hollywood Hills where he served Britney’s assistant/cousin Alli Simms with a deposition subpoena. The legal doc gives K-Fed’s lawyer the ability to drill Simms in court on Brit’s shoddy parenting skills and questionable lifestyle (and hopefully also on why the starlet wore this deodorant-stained outfit). Alli apparently argued with Cohen before trying to flee in a car, but Cohen succeeded in his mission by shoving the documents through the window as Alli drove away.

Hopefully the lawyer will ask Alli what the hell Brit was thinking by marrying K-Fed and popping his two kids out. That seems like a way worse decision than putting soda in her babies’ bottles, though I guess the two kind of go hand in hand.

Check out video and pics of the drama HERE! [Us Weekly, NY Daily News. Image: Getty]

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by (@katespencer)

Monday: 50 Cent Has a Meltdown; Angelina Gets Super Skinny

50cent081307.jpg50 Cent Throws Fit After Video Leaks
The hip hop star freaked out after learning the video for his new song, “Follow My Lead,” had leaked onto the web, chucking his phone out a window and ripping a TV off his office wall. Let’s see Kanye beat that tantrum! [TMZ]

Pics: Is Paris a Pothead?
Yeah yeah, we know what she told Larry King, but that thing she’s smoking looks a lot like a nice fat joint. We demand a drug test! [DListed]

Katie Holmes Plots Tom Makeover
Mrs. Cruise wants to giver her husband a full body makeover so that their age difference is less apparent. She should have just tried dating someone her age. [A Socialite's Life]
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Fiddy: If Kanye Wins, I Quit

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Are you sick of the 50 Cent vs. Kanye West release-date rivalry yet? 50 Cent isn’t! Intent on milking this marketing tiff for all he can (he and Kanye are set to release their new albums both on Sept. 11), 50 has announced that if Kanye’s Graduation outsells his Curtis, he’s hanging up his mic. “If Kanye West sells more records than 50 Cent on September 11, I’ll no longer [perform] music. I’ll write music and work with my other artists, but I won’t put out any more solo albums.” Don’t threaten me with a good time! Of course, Fiddy’s words come from his deep-seated arrogance. He goes on to explain why he thinks he has this competition in the bag:

They would like to see Kanye West give me a problem, because I’ve worked myself into a space where I’ve become the favorite. Everybody roots [for] the underdog when he goes against the favorite.

Fiddy may want to revise his statement when he realizes that so far he’s thrown five Curtis singles at the wall (count ‘em: “Straight to the Bank,” “Amusement Park,” “I Get Money,” “AYO Technology” and “Follow My Lead”) and nothing has stuck so far. Not very anticipated, now, is he? He’s looking more and more like the underdog. Ironically, I’m still not rooting for him. [New York Daily News / Image credit: Getty]

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KISS Goes Down (Under) This Weekend

KISSPaul Stanley has suffered some health scares, Ace Frehley has a lifetime-supply of donuts, Peter Criss is making sure all those cat fans are happy, and and Gene is constantly on display. But almost 30 years ago the guys brought their love guns down to Australia, and they were rocking the planet in a way few bands did. The new DVD, KISSology II: Live in Sydney is in the racks next Tuesday, but you can get a big blast of it on VH1 Classic this weekend. What? You threw your TV out the window? Here you go, we can hook you up. Don’t miss “Firehouse” and “Is That You?” – they’re the exclusive performances that you’ll only catch online. And remember, if you ever get tired of rock ‘n’ rolling all night, you can always party every day. What’s your favorite tune by the boys?

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by (@katespencer)

Is Lindsay Barefoot and Pregnant on Long Island?

La La La La Lohan!!!!!!!!!!If you believe the most recent rumors about the MIA starlet, than the answer is yes. A “friend” of LiLo’s apparently told OK! mag that she is hiding out somewhere with a baby bump. “?It woudn?t be the first time she had a pregnancy scare,? revealed the source. That seems kinda hard to believe (wasn’t she just guzzling booze a few weeks ago?), but seeing as Lindsay does like to imitate her ex-BFF Nicole, you never know. And it could explain this recent sighting of Lindsay at a Long Island department store. Mysterious! She’s like the Loch Ness monster. We’ll just have to keep holding our breath ’til the day Lindsay emerges with either with a clean drug test report or a nice fat baby bulge. Or both. [Image: Getty]

(Click the thumbnails for a better look at La Lohan.)

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Here’s What Else Is in R. Kelly’s “Closet”:

Below, catch an exclusive extended preview of the upcoming 10 chapters of R. Kelly‘s “Trapped in the Closet” saga (set to hit DVD on Aug. 21). You may have seen the recap of the first 12 chapters (dubbed “Chapter 12.5″) that hit the Net a few weeks ago — that’s in the video below, but so are first-looks at Chapters 13, 18 and 21. Catch R. Kelly in old-man drag in the character of Randolph — yes, R&B fans, there is a Santa Claus. See our hero lead a gospel revival (bonus points: the “Closet” melodic template gets a choir-led upgrade!). Watch a Sopranos-inspired mob showdown.

It only gets nuttier. The clip below is full of choice dialogue — I can’t decide which is the better insult: “I hope a pigeon fly by here and s*** on your face,” or calling someone, “LL Fool J.” At least there’s no longer a question about R. Kelly’s intent: what’s below is so ridiculous that he’s clearly in on the joke. I mean, he has to be, right? Right?!?!

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