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Snoop Steps Into Time Machine, Wanders Into Bob Guccione’s House

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There’s something distinctly art-porn about Snoop Dogg’s new video. “Sensual Seduction” combines elements of ’70s Penthouse, the styling of Caligula and the makeup artistry of all the Solid Gold dancers. It’s a seductive, tongue-in-cheek skewering of . . . well, we don’t really know what he’s skewering, so there’s a chance he might actually have made this in earnest. Regardless of Snoop’s intent, the end results are beautiful. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’re off to buy some Vaseline to smear on the lens of our Super-VHS.

by (@katespencer)

Paris Wants a Baby to Play With

paris-nicole.jpgMen – guard your sperm. Paris Hilton like, REALLY wants a baby. And for all the right reasons, too! To dress the thing up in pink, carry it around in her purse and force it to play with Nicole Richie‘s baby! Paris recently said, “Nicole and I have been playing together since we were two years old.I was just telling her, ‘I want a baby so that our babies can play together.’”

At that rate their kids will be enemies by the time they’re five years old. At least Paris is smart enough to realize that she can’t make a baby happen without a friend: “I don’t have a boyfriend right now,” she revealed. “But I would love to start a family.” She also tells People that she plans on popping some babies out in two years, which means she kinda needs to get things going. We wonder what she has in mind for the playdates? Tiny tables for the babies to practice walking dancing on? Thong diapers? Spelling the words Mommy Was In Jail with blocks? Yep, Paris is right, it’d be seriously awesome if she was pregnant right now so this could totally happen. [Image: Getty]

by (@katespencer)

R. Kelly May Be Dating a Teenager (Again)

rkelly.jpgIt’s no secret that R.Kelly has a thing for the young ladies (R.I.P Aaliyah), but rumors are currently flying that R’s publicist quit on his ass after discovering that he was getting busy with her nineteen year old daughter. Regina Daniels stopped repping the eccentric (we’re being nice) singer after 14-years together, and when she left she released this statement:

“Though I have a great appreciation for Mr. Kelly as an artist, there are some lines that should never be crossed professionally or personally. Mr. Kelly crossed a line that forever altered the scope of our relationship. For this reason I made the decision to resign.

My husband, music retailer George Daniels, has also disassociated himself from Mr. Kelly.”

Damn! Now pics have surfaced that show Kelly getting close to a young woman reported to be Daniels daughter; though anonymous sources that seem to support the superstar singer have come forward to counter that the woman is actually Daniels’ step-daughter, and say she’s 21-years old. They also allege Daniels left her position because she wronged Kelly by revealing private info about her client. The plot just keeps thickening! We’re all sorts of confused (we’ll just wait for more pics to come out!) but at least we’ve figured out where Kelly gets his inspiration for the Trapped in the Closet series. Here’s a hunch – maybe Daniel’s daughter is really Rosy the nosy neighbor (neighbor… neighbor…)?

by (@katespencer)

Britney Strips & Shoplifts at Dildo House

britney-spears-shoplifts.jpgWhat do you normally do on a Sunday night? Eat some leftovers or Chinese takeout, catch up on Curb Your Enthusiasm and head off to bed, right? But if you happen to be Britney Spears (which thankfully, is not the case), you trot your bad self to the Hustler sex toy shop in West Hollywood to try on some slutty underwear in the middle of the store. On November 18th Brit apparently loaded up on some panties at the shop and headed to the dressing room, but was told she could not try on the items. Now, for most of us adult humans this is a logical and obvious clothing store rule that anyone who’s ever had to buy underwear knows well. But maybe this was Brit’s first time? Her solution was to have a meltdown, after which she “took off her own underwear before trying on a pair of boyshorts (with “Barely Legal’ stitched across the rear end) in the middle of the store while 15 other customers looked on.” After being told she couldn’t strip and flash her vag in the middle of the store, Brit replied, “Well, I couldn’t take them in the fitting room!”

Oh logic, how Britney must miss you. B*tchy Brit bought the underwear (but not before she rolled her eyes at having to pay) and then stomped out of the store, grabbing a wig of a mannequin’s head on the way out. Yes, just like that rich girl you went to high school with who loved to steal bras from the local department store, Britney shoplifted and then rolled away in her Mercedes. Staffers at the Hustler store said talking to Britney was like “dealing with a child,” and alleged that she “looked out if it.” We’d hate to see what would happen if she was aware and perky. [Us Weekly. Image: Getty]

by (@katespencer)

Thursday: Britney Denies Baby Rumor

britney-1129.jpgBritney: ?I?m Not Pregnant, Ya?ll!?
Let’s all breath a big sigh of relief that there’s no new Spears on the way. Phew. [Us]

Jessica Simpson Regrets Divorce
Whoops! Maybe she should have thought about what kind of boyfriend John Mayer would be before she dumped her loyal meathead ex. [Us]

Helio Gets with Dancing Partner
The only thing that redeems this random dude winning Dancing with the Stars is that he just dumped his fiance for his 19-year old dancing partner. [NYDN]
Imus: Back on the Air ? And Pissed!
Look out! If you crossed Imus you’re gonna hear about it Monday morning when the disgraced radio diva gets back on the air. [NYP]

Jake and Reese Join Mile High Club?
These two, touch? Eh, we’re sure they were just doing dull things like reading and sharing moisturizer in there. [D Listed]

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Lindsay Lohan Hits the Studio, Possibly Bottle

lindsay_lohanWhat better way to celebrate a successful stint in rehab than to open yourself up to the acrimony of the public (Exhibit A: Britney) by recording an album? That’s precisely what Lindsay Lohan is planning to do — the uninsurable actress and marginally talented singer has announced plans to start work on her third album, tentatively titled Nobody’s Angel. Indeed. In more upsetting news, The New York Daily News is also reporting that La Lohan might be back on the sauce, having been spotted out in New York City drinking.

Given our familiarity with Linds’ back catalog (we own Raw and A Little More Personal), our hearts are aflutter with the possibilities of all this album will be. Here are a few tracks we’d love to see end up on there.

1. “The Black Kid Was Driving”
2. I Know Who Killed My Career…Me
3. Riley’s Song
4. Coke Ain’t All It’s Cracked Up To Be
5. Daddy’s Little Girl
6. I’m (In) OK (Magazine)…You’re (Not In) OK (Magazine)
7. Sober…Enough (duet with Britney Spears)

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by (@katespencer)

Meet Christina’s Baby Belly

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These pictures of Christina Aguilera on the cover of and in Marie Claire are a confusing mess of right and wrong. The cover is so horrendous that we did a double take. It’s just all so Britnified – the Rue McClanahan hair color, the soft-boiled skin, the cropped leather jacket surely adored by Olsen wannabees worldwide, and that awful turquoise font color most commonly found in the pattern of an intricate 80′s sweater. Painful! But then that second picture is all sorts of sexy – we love a good nudie shot that’s dignified with $500,000 worth of baubles, shoes and fake hair. These pics really just show both sides to our favorite well-adjusted warbler, that she’s both trash and class all at once – and does it best barely covered. Oh, how could we forget the greatest part? That pregnant belly of hers – the fashion accessory of 2007, obvs – which she rocks oh so well. Even that leather jacket can’t stop her mom-to-be hotness!

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by (@katespencer)

Birdman Busted, Lil Wayne Talks Crazy

lilwayne_birdman-copy.jpgIf Birdman was supposed to be like a father to Lil Wayne, you’d think he’d at least lead by example. Turns out he might be the kid in the relationship (or just a really stoned dad). The Cash Money co-founder, his 18-year old wife and their entourage were all busted when cops spotted the RV they were riding in swerving on the highway. When cops noticed the smell of weed emanating from the car they did a search and turned up about a pound of chronic (woah!) and two guns. All sixteen people on board were arrested, and you can enjoy the mugshot mania here.

Meanwhile, Birdman’s protege and pal Lil Wayne did an interview recently with Complex Magazine and lets his crazy light shine big and bright. Weezy says he’s not afraid to lay the smack down on haters, just like civil rights leader and all-around awesome American hero, Martin Luther King. “You?d expect me to pay somebody to do it? You supposed to be able to do anything in this world. That?s what Martin Luther King told me. He ain?t never put a specific on what to [do]. He said you can do anything. ?Kill? falls under that.?

Yup, MLK had a dream and it was that his children’s children would feel empowered enough to kill people themselves.

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by (@katespencer)

Britney: Pregnant, Horny & Living in Filth

britney-pregnant.jpgYes, Britney Spears acts totally, effing insane. But it’s not that’s she’s crazy – it’s because she’s pregnant! Again! All those hormones are makin’ her weird, ya’ll! According to numerous tabloids, Britney’s been lugging around baby #3 for four weeks. Apparently Brit even emailed around a pic of the ultrasound last week (she knows how to email?) and the rumored father of her baby, producer J.R. Rotem, has supposedly confirmed the news (er, he probably confirmed it by leaving the country).

But a baby isn’t going to like growing up in Chez Britney, where she supposedly changes her kids’ diapers on the same white couch that she lets her little dog poop all over (we are not making this up). And if her new baby needs a pacifier, it can just suck on one of the sex toys Brit keeps in the “large, covered candy dish on the living room table.” The baby’s first words will probably be ‘booty call,’ cuz that’s what sex-obsessed Britney loves to do. She even has a “double-locked fantasy room” that a source says is “filled with sex toys, from ticklers, whips and chains to fur-trimmed handcuffs hanging from the metal bedframe.” Sounds like it’ll make a great nursery! [Image: InTouch]

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Lauryn: Crazy as Hill?

lauryn_garbage_pail_kid.jpgIf Lauryn Hill‘s most recent public behavior (remember this amazing interview?) left you worrying about her mental stability, you aren’t alone: Lauryn’s former Fugee cohort Wyclef Jean tells Rolling Stone that he thinks the diva could use some counseling. Bellows Clef:

I felt sorry for her, because I think she needs psychiatric help. I felt like she’s bipolar. You can’t get angry with someone who’s sick…So I even called her mom, and I stressed to her, ‘Yo, you need to get her psychiatric help.’ But I think they all fear her to death. She wasn’t always like this – but if someone has the ego and you keep feeding the ego, it’s going to turn monstrous.

While the third Fugee in the equation, Pras, has never been shy about telling the press exactly what he thinks is wrong with Lauryn, Wyclef has been at least slightly more discrete. Perhaps he’s finally given up on the dream of the Fugees reunion. Maybe he’s really concerned for his former bandmate. Or it could be that he’s just really desperate for attention, what with his new album sitting on shelves, and all. [New York Post]

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