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by (@katespencer)

Friday: Britney’s Lips are Red and Nasty

britney-1116.jpgLauren Speaks : ?The Hills Is Real?
Don’t worry Lauren, as long as you keep fighting with Heidi we’ll watch no matter what. [Us]

Britney?s Got Big Botched Lips
Britney Spears has become a walking example of what happens when lip injections – and life – go bad. [TMZ]

Lance Denies Love for Olsen Twin
The biking star comes forward to officially clear up the air about his Olsen makeout sessions. Eh, we still believe the rumors. [Us]

Kanye Mourns Mom from London
Funeral Arrangements have been made for a memorial service as Kanye tries to mourn privately in London. [Us]

Spice Girls Back On Stage
Ten-years older, but just as sexy. Oh yeah – and still lipsyncing. Gotta make it last forever somehow! [People]

by (@katespencer)

Sean Connery Knocked Boots at 8-Years Old

seanconnery.jpgNo, that guy is not my grandfather. It’s the Scottish sultan of sex, Sean Connery. Young’ins might not be familiar with his fine acting resume, but he’s best known as the original James Bond and the dude who first said “You’re the man now, dog.” Also, he’s damn sexy at just about every age. Which explains why it’s totally plausible that Sean lost his virginity at the age of eight, which is alleged in the new book “Where Do Nudists Keep Their Hankies?” Connery actually admits it, saying “I was 8, but I can’t recall with whom.” Spoken like a true aging pimp. You’re still the man, old dawg.

To give you a little perspective on what age group we’re talking about, we’ve outlined a few stars of Young Hollywood and matched them with older celebs who lost it at their age. Try not to gag. [Images: Getty/CBS]

11-dakona-elle-fanning.jpgHey, it’s Dakota Fanning, 13 going on 14, and her lil sis Elle, age 9! Boning at Dakota’s age: Clint Eastwood, David Duchovny, Bruce Willis. Judging from the fact that these girls won’t be hot for another ten years, this feels fairly wrong.

22-abigailbreslin.jpgAbigail Breslin, of Little Miss Sunshine fame, is so fresh-faced and adorable right? She’ll be 12 in April, which is when Don Johnson got his first taste of the lady snacks! The still-sexy Johnny Depp and Jon Bon Jovi went for it at 13.

33-jadensmith.jpgIt’s Will Smith‘s mini-me, son Jaden! The Pursuit of Happyness starling clocks in at 9 years, so he’s OLDER than Sean Connery was for his first time. Something is really starting to feel wrong about all this! Let’s see what 8-year olds we can dig up here…

44-jimmy.jpgBut of course – little Jimmy from Kid Nation! The adorable munchkin stole our cold hearts on the premiere of that borderline abusive show, but our love was cut short when he wailed, bailed and went home. The reason – homesickness, cuz ya know, the kid’s 8-years old. Gross Connery. Real gross.

by (@katespencer)

Britney Loves the Sound of Toes Crunching

Chris Crocker was right about leaving Britney alone. But it’s not because she’s a victim and needs some space; rather it’s because she’ll turn your feet into gravel with her car tires. Britney was out last night pulling into the Four Seasons hotel in Los Angeles, when one photographer refused to heed the warnings of “Back off the drive! “As Brit rolled along, his foot managed to get wedged under her tire as he snapped pics and she drove right over that mess. You can tell in the vid that Britney is freaked out and can barely see, so it’s no wonder someone got hurt. The guy was later spotted showing off some sort of cast like contraption, but we can’t really feel that bad for him. Britney may be a bad driver (among other things), but this is one situation in which she’s actually not to blame. Now if she can only fix all that stuff with her lips drugs kids – er, everything. [Popdirt]

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Mary Love

mary_j_blige_on_gay_fans.jpgThe gays love Mary J. Blige and Mary loves the gays, the diva reveals in the upcoming issue of The Advocate. “I?ve never been a judgmental person because I have been through so much hell myself,” says the no-more-drama queen. However, she reserves no judgment for her hip-hop peers who don’t share her tolerant point of view. On homophobia in hip-hop, Mary says:

I?ve heard a couple of guys say foul things, and those guys are not around me anymore because when they say things like that, I?m looking at them like, What makes you so scared? You don?t know who you are? I guess it all boils down to them not being sure about themselves and what they wanna do, whoever that is. I won?t say any names. And I don?t dislike them or anything?it just makes me wonder about them period. ?Cause if you?re not sure about that, then you ain?t sure about a lotta things!

Watch out, homophobes: hell has no wrath like Mary scorned. She may act demure now, but you can tell by listening to her old music that she is not afraid to get ugly on you. [The Advocate via Towleroad / Image: Getty]

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Amy Crumbles: “Wait Til My Husband Gets Out”

amy_winehouseRecently rehabbed Amy Winehouse is back onstage, but during the inaugural show of her 17-date tour, the bee-hived belter lost it — slurring her speech, threatening the audience and knocking into equipment. After appearing on stage 30 minutes late, the rehab-averse singer dedicated several songs to her recently incarcerated husband, Blake Fielder-Civil. When the audience tired of her constant references to Fielder-Civil (she changed “baby” to “Blakey” in some songs), Winehouse then addressed the audience as “monkey c*nts” and said, “Just wait till my husband gets out of incarceration. And I mean that.” Reviews from the show state that Winehouse forgot several lyrics to her songs and spent much of the time crying. British tabloid The Sun has the disastrous footage of the U.K.’s Britney Spears.

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Trampled Under Foot: Zep?s Hidden Gems

oldzep.jpg

Certain Led Zeppelin tunes are played to death, and others languish in the background. Here are 10 that deserve to be spun a bit more often then they usually are. Whether you’re making a last ditch attempt to win tickets to the band’s reunion show, or getting psyched for next Tuesday’s DVD release of The Song Remains the Same, or hanging out watching earth-shaking videos, you should get familiar with the following 10 tunes. By the way, which Zep track do you think deserves more dap?

1. Black Mountain Side
This acoustic ditty from the band’s first album vibes like a jukebox raga, illustrating Jimmy Page?s other interest besides the blues: Celtic folk tunes. Played by Bert Jansch, the endlessly rippling tune was called ?Blackwaterside.?

2. Living Loving Maid
We all know that the band liked to stretch the hell out of its songs ? melodrama was its middle name. But for every ?Dazed and Confused? there was a compact ass-kicker. The first album had ?Communication Breakdown.? On the second, it?s this nugget.

3. Celebration Day
It?s the giddy side of the blues, with Plant singing the praises of New York street scenes and Page working the slide guitar like it was his own private joystick. Good helium vocals by the blond god on this III track.

Read more…

by (@katespencer)

Natalie Portman Botches Soulja Boy Dance

Natalie Portman: so sweet, so cute, so painfully awkward! Here she is on TRL, promoting her new movie when suddenly she gets thrown into learning the Soulja Boy dance with Soulja Boy as teacher, natch. Natalie’s a good sport about it, even if she can’t quite get her little legs to move though. At she looked awesome while flopping around on-stage attempting to do the superman. White dress and red shoes? Perfection! [MTV]

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by (@katespencer)

Thursday: Alicia Keys Gets Diva-tude

aliciakeys.jpgAlicia Keys Bails on Club Gig
The singer-turned-diva peaces out on a club appearance after promoters came up $4000 short of the promised $15,000 she was owed. This sounds more like Mariah than Alicia. Eek. [NYDN]

Mourning Kanye Cancels Show
The rapper has apparently canceled a scheduled performance at the Victoria’s Secret fashion show. Sadness (for Kanye, not the models). [People]

Nicole & Joel Create Charity for Moms
The expecting rents have created a charity and are asking guests at their baby shower to make donations in lieu of presents. Finally, Nicole does something truly ‘hot.’ [Us]

Paris: Still Pole Dancing After All These Years
The pole is like her security blanket, she can’t be in a club without it between her legs. How cute. [NYP]

OJ Simpson Will Stand Trial
The Juice is gonna let loose in court for those Vegas robbery charges. Will he get off and go two for two? [CNN]

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Fall Out Boy Talk Africa Shoot

Pete Wentz and his band Fall Out Boy traveled to Africa to film the video for [deep breath] “I’m Like A Lawyer With The Way I’m Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You),” the disturbing and beautiful clip spotlighting the child soldiers of Uganda. The band’s bassist was keen to tell us all about the project, from how they shot it on the cheap to what got him interested in Africa in the first place. Check out Wentz and company on this Saturday’s Top 20 Video Countdown.

I was at a very high point of my own narcissistic anxiety when I first started taking an interest in Africa. There’s this program called Displace Me where people go to camps and sleep there, to empathize with the displacement camps in Uganda. I’ll be honest, I didn’t really feel that moved. It was only missing the s’mores. That was what really made me decide that we had to go to Africa. We met the kids [in the video] — we actually picked between a couple of kids. The boy was one of the ones I chose, the director chose the girl. The kids in the village we got to know. We would see them every day.

We shot it on the cheap — we really spent most of the money getting to Africa and donating what was left to [charity] Invisible Children, so the only thing we really spent money on was film. We built everything. [The sets] would not fly in the U.S. — we built all these gates and these different arms that would hold the camera. We only brought a four-man crew, and a group of Kenyans did our lighting for us.

I was worried that the concept was too dangerous to be played on video networks and I was worried that at points, the story would be hard to follow. I was worried that [standards] wasn’t going to pass the violence in the middle, and across the board they passed it.The first time Patrick watched it, he cried. When I look at different images, they’re upsetting for me. [In making of this video] I was really proud of how far everyone in the band had gone, because each person had their own personal limits, and everyone surpassed them.

by (@katespencer)

Tiny Girl, Big Voice, Bad Dance Moves

Dear little dancing girl who loves to sing the Backstreet Boys in an off-key voice while waving her hands like she just don’t care what rhythm is,

Hey there. We are a lot older than you and therefore smarter by default (and thanks to some mortifying life experiences). Here is some sage advice: turn off the webcam. Place it into a pillowcase, along with your glasses, stripped sweater and computer. Get in your parents’ car (this is totally fine), drive to the closet lake (we’re guessing Erie), steal a boat (again, acceptable in this situation) and drive it out into the middle of the lake. Now dump everything in the water, make sure it falls far away to the bottom, turn around, drive the boat and car home, and never look back.

PS: Watch your language!
PPS: We love you.
[via BWE]