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by (@katespencer)

Monday: Kim Kardashian Sheds Giant Tears

kim-kardashian-1203.jpgKim K. Cries Over ?Stolen? Baubles
As expected, her tears are enormous and round. But seriously, where the eff is her jewelry – and the police report she should have filed about the incident? [NYP]

Britney Battles Rolling Stone
Her brain pops up to work, as the star plays hardball over a possible cover shoot for Rolling Stone. [NYP]

Pete Wentz Denies Bashing Indie Band
We should have known – Petey is way too cool to give a sh*t about some nameless band mocking his girlfriend (and way too smart to bring up Ashlee’s embarrassing jig-dancing past).? [NYDN]

Paris Hilton?s Plastic Lips of Horror
WTF happened to Paris’ lips? No seriously – what is going up there? Did a Jimmy Dean sausage latch on to the spot where her upper lip once was?? [DListed]

Madonna?s Kids Don?t Need Presents
Madge’s kids only get three presents on Christmas – because they get everything else they want on every other day of the year. [Ok!]

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Thriller Turns 25, and Michael Jackson Invites Kanye West to the Party

It’s been 25 short years since Michael Jackson released Thriller and changed the music industry forever. In the intervening years, the self-appointed King of Pop has undeniably been plagued with problems, but notwithstanding his biography, Thriller, which has gone platinum an astounding 27 times, remains an incredible collection of hit singles. You can’t deny it. And if you try to deny it, we’ll play you “P.Y.T.” or something and dare you not to dance. Good frickin’ luck.

The 25th anniversary edition of the album will feature the videos, the music, a live performance, and the help of a few friends: Kanye West, will.i.am and Akon. We’re looking forward to “Billie Jean 2008″ with Kanye in particular, though hearing what Akon has going on “Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’” is a fairly intriguing proposal as well. In unrelated news: the Francis Ford Coppola-directed masterpiece Captain Eo will not be included, much to all of our sadness.

by (@katespencer)

Lindsay Lohan Rid of Rehab Romance

Well, is anyone surprised that this didn’t last? Lindsay’s rehab lover Riley Giles didn’t stand a chance against Hollywood hotties like Stavros Niarchos. Once Lindsay hit up Roberston Blvd, there was no chance in hell she was heading back to Utah to live in the mountains and shop with the common folk at Old Navy. Better luck next time Riley! Who knows – if you head back to rehab again you could end up with Britney Spears, she seems easier to sucker.

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[People]

by (@katespencer)

Akon Charged for Tossing a Teen

Konvicted! The rapper has been officially busted for throwing that scrawny kid offstage during a concert this summer, and cops in upstate New York have charged the rapper with a misdemeanor endangering the welfare of a minor and second-degree harassment. It’s probably nothing for Konvict, who’s already spent a total of five-years in prison, but it’s still a good reminder that when it comes to kicking (or throwing) some kid’s ass, you may want to think before you smack that. If you are desperate to relieve the rapper’s raucous toss, check out the video above. [TMZ]

by (@katespencer)

Spoiled Lil’ Lindsay Paid to Shop

lindsay-lohan.jpgLindsay Lohan continues to get rewarded for being a totally effed up celebrity, and was paid by a bunch of companies to shop at their stores on Black Friday (the day after Thanksgiving when most sane humans lock themselves inside and eat cold mashed potatoes). As if she wasn’t spoiled enough, the retailers gave her free threads, too! The LoLo was spotted getting her shop on at Intermix and Armani Exchange, a store which seems a little too common for someone so rich and luxurious as Linds. Now all the hot shopping spots are clamoring to get LiLo in their doors, and as we know Linds will do anything for cash. Check out her shopping schedule for X-Mas Eve:

8:00 AM - Big Lots
10:00 AM - Barry’s House of Kinky Sex Toys and House Plants
12:00 PM – Olive Garden (family therapy session held over lunch – and a couple plates of that oh-so authentically Italian dish Five Cheese Ziti al Forno)
2:00 PM – Bob’s Discount Furniture
4:00 PM – H&N (the H&M knock-off store)

We sure hope Linds makes a couple bucks! Rumor has it she was desperate to sell some family pics taken over Thanksgiving to the tabloids, but no one was interested in her six figure asking price. Go figure. [MSNBC. Image: Getty]

by (@katespencer)

Weezy Falls in Love Over and Over Again

weezy-lauren.jpgWait a second. Last time we checked, Lil Wayne was making sweet, tender love to Karinne “Superhead” Steffans. It was only a couple of months ago that she gushed:

“He’ll be 25 in two weeks and I’m 29, but I’m willing to wait until he’s ready. In the meantime, he’s like my best friend. He’s my John Lennon, I?m his Yoko Ono, and together, it just works.”

And then there’s his ex-wife Toya, who said at the end of September:

“Me and [Dwayne] were crazy in love. We were inseparable. I would say I was one of his best friends at the time, up until now. I’m still a good friend of Dwayne. We have a good relationship.”

So with all these women swooning over Weezy, who would have thought that he’d go out and get engaged to some random actress whom he showed up with at a basketball game!? Apparently Wayne and This Christmas star Lauren London have been spotted together in New Orleans, and she’s also allegedly rocking some serious ring finger bling. Which can only mean one thing – Wayne moves on fast. REAL FAST! You think he’s told his Yoko Ono and his “good friend” of an ex-wife that he’s marrying a Sean John model? Give the guy a month and he’ll be bedding Mariah Carey. A couple weeks after that and he’ll have Miley Cyrus on his arm, but the next night he’ll be bringing Hilary Clinton to a party. There’s no stopping Weezy from spreading his love! [Bossip]

by (@katespencer)

Friday: Mary-Kate Olsen Leaves Hospital to Canoodle

mk-olsen-1130.jpgMary-Kate Gets Back to Clubbing
Quick recovery? You got it dude! Hospitalized for a kidney infection last week, Mary-Kate Olsen is back out on the town – dancing until 3Am and getting cuddly with a generic Hollywood hunk. [NYP]

Emails ‘Confirm’ Britney?s Baby
In Touch claims the emails they have on a Blackberry from JR Rotem confirm their claims that Brit’s knocked up; however isn’t that like the easiest thing to fake? [In Touch]

Paris? Boy Toy Meets the Parents
Paris took her Swedish model out to dinner with her parents. Is it getting serious or did she just need them to pay? [DListed]

Brad Pitt Bans Nude Scenes
Daddy Braddy doesn’t want to be mortified when his kids watch his films, so he’s canning all nude scenes moving forward. Will Angie follow suit? We doubt it! [Us]

Madonna: England’s Animal Abuser?
Always the ‘innovator,’ Madge died her sheep different colors for a Vogue photoshoot, pissing off animal activists galore. Not quite as controversial as that sex book, but she’s still got it! [NYP]

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Snoop Steps Into Time Machine, Wanders Into Bob Guccione’s House

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There’s something distinctly art-porn about Snoop Dogg’s new video. “Sensual Seduction” combines elements of ’70s Penthouse, the styling of Caligula and the makeup artistry of all the Solid Gold dancers. It’s a seductive, tongue-in-cheek skewering of . . . well, we don’t really know what he’s skewering, so there’s a chance he might actually have made this in earnest. Regardless of Snoop’s intent, the end results are beautiful. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’re off to buy some Vaseline to smear on the lens of our Super-VHS.

by (@katespencer)

Paris Wants a Baby to Play With

paris-nicole.jpgMen – guard your sperm. Paris Hilton like, REALLY wants a baby. And for all the right reasons, too! To dress the thing up in pink, carry it around in her purse and force it to play with Nicole Richie‘s baby! Paris recently said, “Nicole and I have been playing together since we were two years old.I was just telling her, ‘I want a baby so that our babies can play together.’”

At that rate their kids will be enemies by the time they’re five years old. At least Paris is smart enough to realize that she can’t make a baby happen without a friend: “I don’t have a boyfriend right now,” she revealed. “But I would love to start a family.” She also tells People that she plans on popping some babies out in two years, which means she kinda needs to get things going. We wonder what she has in mind for the playdates? Tiny tables for the babies to practice walking dancing on? Thong diapers? Spelling the words Mommy Was In Jail with blocks? Yep, Paris is right, it’d be seriously awesome if she was pregnant right now so this could totally happen. [Image: Getty]