Us Weekly has Britney back on their cover this week, and amazingly she’s looking a lot better than she has in recent months! Oh wait – a slower look has revealed to us that the girl on the cover is Britney from about 15 years ago. Whoops. They really had our hopes up there for a second! The mag is accusing Britney of faking her squeaky clean, virginal image from years past and alleges that she lost her virginity at the age of 14 to her hometown love Reg Jones. That whole purity thing with Justin Timberlake was supposedly all a scam too, and the mag says Brit and JT were actually knockin’ boots the entire time! Even worse, they dig up some real dirty stuff from her past – like her grandma who shot herself in the chest on the grave of her dead child, for example. Her great uncle Earnest Spears even weighs in on Britney, saying, “She didn’t have a hope of turning out normal.”
While not quite as salacious as a shotgun-wielding, suicidal grandma and an early-aged sex fest, we tend to think Britney’s recent life events have more to do with her current spiral towards disaster than some guy she got with as a teenager. If you consider that:
- The girl got famous at 16
- Brit traveling with world with no parental supervision whatsoever
- She earned gajillions taunting ogling dudes (and little kids) with her abs
- She got stuck with a loser husband, two babies, post-partum depression and a divorce in just two years
Well, she seems to be doing reasonably well given the past ten crappy years of her life. [Us Weekly]
Once more, John Mayer has taken to the internet to clear some things up. And after his recent douchebag confession we’re all ears. This time, though, the revelation isn’t quite so groundbreaking. Turns out John Mayer is in love with Justin Timberlake‘s FutureSex/LoveSounds album. Released September 21, 2006. Can’t stop listening to it, apparently. In particular, “I Think She Knows.” “When that track comes on I spend the first 3:30 preparing for the awesomeness to come. Then I yell at the speakers, ‘Make this 4 minutes long and put it on the next disc!’” Mayer states on his blog.
Which begs the question, where the hell has Mayer been for the past 14 months? We know there was that whole Personal Dark Age, where that Simpson cling-on must have sucked all light and culture from your days, but you never went to a bar? A department store? Surely you must have gone to a Target. No one ever mentioned anything, in a comic fashion, about “bringing sexy back” in front of you? Nothing? OK. Well we can only assume that Cammy D must have slipped it into your stereo during your weekend of surreptitious passion.
The Queen B joined country group Sugarland onstage at the American Music Awards on Sunday night to come together singing B’s hit Irreplaceable, and well, just watch. Something is just not quite right – the country twang and banjo riff just doesn’t get the song’s sass right. The performance ends up looking (and sounding) uncomfortable and weird, like someone wearing one of those handmade Destiny’s Child outfits (made by Beyonce’s mom) with a pair of really stiff, brand new cowboy boots. Some things, while awesome on their own, just don’t work that well together, which of course means that we can’t stop watching this video over and over again. To the left, ya’ll! [Crunk and Disorderly]
Ashlee Simpson: Nicotine Addict
First Jessica divorced and now Ashlee’s a smoker? Those Simpson girls sure are wild! [NYDN]
Tom Cruise Freaks Over Fat Photo
Oops! That pic snapped by paps of plump and balding Tommy accidentally revealed his surprise cameo in Ben Stiller’s new flick. [EOnline]
Mary-Kate: Sick and Hospitalized
A tiny Olsen twin sent to the hospital with a kidney infection? Can’t say we’re surprised, but we hope she gets well soon! [People]
Britney Finally Protecting her Kids
The messlet has gotten serious about security for her kids. That’s really sweet, but what took her so long? She’s been too busy text messaging pals about her new lips to notice there was a problem. [People]
Nicole Richie Donates Baby Gifts
Nicole has given all those tiny baby cell phones and miniature giant sunglasses she got at her baby shower to charity! That’s
hot generous. [People]
Even superstars can feel less-than on occasion. Take Heroes star Hayden Panettiere. When VH1 News caught up with her on the red carpet outside the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, she explained that she felt the need to wear something really tight — form-fitting, you might say — and pair it with high, high heels. Other stars weighed in, too. Check the videos above for comments from the Spice Girls and Seal.
We’re sure Billy Ray Cyrus (dad to teen queen Miley) was just trying to be nice when he invited Britney Spears over for Thanksgiving dinner, but now he’s kinda screwed. Cuz girlfriend – being the wacky, spontaneous weirdo that she is – has said yes to his offer, and Britney will be shoving sweet potatoes in her mouth alongside 2007′s version of her former self. Weird right? Now that Brit has said yes to his invite of “Honey, you are welcome to a Nashville Thanksgiving at our house,” what is the Cyrus gang to do?
1. Keep the food (and the booze) coming. It’s not just Thanksgiving, but it’s Thanksgiving with a depressed, single 26-year old whose babies are with their dad on a holiday because their mom sucks at life. Make two green bean casseroles this year!
2. Lock up Miley’s closet. Britney is going to try to switch clothes with her immediately. To really prevent this, make sure no one wears a bikini to the dinner table.
3. On second thought, lock up Miley! Do you really want that kind of influence around her? [Images: Getty]
Ubiquitous producer Timbaland is set to be a father by the end of November, according to sources close to the track master. The New York Post is reporting that Tim is expecting a girl with a woman who works at his Mosley Music Group. Though the pair aren’t together, the Post reports Tim will be “very involved in the child’s upbringing.”
What could that possibly mean? We’ve got a few ideas:
1. Checks from “Aunt Missy” on birthday.
2. Justin Timberlake as godparent.
3. Nelly Furtado attends Show and Tell at school whenever the lil’ one wants.
Nicole?s Shower Reveals Baby Boy?
Pals like Paris were spotted bringing boyish gifts to Richie’s Wizard of Oz themed baby shower. Lil Madden will be able to fit into Mommy’s clothes in no time! [People]
Carrie Underwood Wins Again
Now the Idol’s got 3 American Music Awards under her couture belt. Take that Kelly! [Us]
No One Cares About Paris Anymore
No one is photographing Paris anymore! The world may not be able to agree on how to attain universal peace, but at least we all can all get behind hating Paris. [TMZ]
Amy Winehouse Puff Puffs, Freaks
The singer was busted for constantly smoking in the bathroom of an airplane, on an hour long flight. Er, obviously? [DListed]
Pics: Tom Cruise is Seriously Fat and Bald
He may be in costume, but this look isn’t that far off. This is what Katie gets for marrying a dude 20 years older! [DListed]
Today we learned about the Hollywood Prayer Network, a group of people praying for celebrities and the entertainment industry. If you are a “Christian professional in Hollywood” you can request prayers from the group as well. We can think of one person in La La Land who might need a little love from above. Maybe God – or at least the Hollywood Prayer Network – will hear our plea.
Dear Person in the Sky Up Above,
Today Britney Spears was told by the judge in her custody case that she can not drive with her kids in her car anymore. So I pray she stops wearing sunglasses while she drives and that she puts an end to all her red-light running. Also if you could bless the feet of the photographers that she has run over, that would be swell. I’d also like to pray that Britney’s car becomes an airplane so she can fly all over Los Angeles to the various Starbucks and tanning salons she must frequent every day. Even better – please put a Starbucks and a tanning salon on a cloud so then she can fly her car-plane to them without running into the paparazzi. This will prevent all accidents from happening. If anyone can do it, it’s you God. I hope this isn’t too much to ask for, but a car that can fly is probably peanuts compare to like hurricanes and stuff. Also, can you fix my TiVo? Thanks. Laters! [Yahoo. Getty]
Wow what a difference 5 months, a new hair color, and thousands of dollars worth of rehab can make! Lindsay Lohan snuck into jail yesterday to complete her required 1 day sentence. She got there at 10:30 AM and was out by 11:54 AM, making her stint in jail a whole lot shorter than Paris’! The sheriff’s spokesman said, “She was nice and cooperative. Everything was fine.? Fine like – her lips look bigger, her hair is a more strawberryish blonde, her eye makeup is poppin’, and she was totally rockin’ her new hot ‘I love scarves’ look. She just looks way more down with being behind bars, doesn’t she? Everything is definitely fine with LiLo. [Booking Photos]