Dear Lindsay Lohan,
I heard today that you may leave rehab this weekend. I was immediately scared, as it means you will surely be getting into all sorts of trouble very soon and I’ll have no choice but to write about it and get my carpal tunnel syndrome all messed up again. Ouch. There’s some important stuff you need to know about, as a lot has changed since you stole that car high on coke and ended up back in ‘hab. Hopefully this will help make your transition back to Hollywood – and back onto the mighty gossip blogs – fun n’ easy!
1. Vanessa Hudgens is the new you.
This chick is hotter, younger, and has real live naked pics for us to drool over! And she’s actually been in a popular movie this year. She has replaced you and therefore you must fight with her when you fall off the wagon at Hyde/Winston’s/Les Deux.
2. Having a baby is not a trend just because Nicole Richie is doing it.
I’d steer clear of doing this until you’ve been with your latest boy toy for at least three weeks – maybe a month.
3. Paris Hilton is now dating a uber-hot pizza delivery boy from Sweden.
You’ll be expected to get with a janitor from the lost city of Atlantis. Cheeseball married guys who wear bandanas and claim to be in bands do not count.
4. George Clooney has a new girlfriend.
Now would be the right time for you to try to steal him away.
5. Stop making that effing peace sign.
Lindsay: Actress. Addict. Homewrecker?
Lindsay Lohan’s Police Mugshot
Lindsay Lohan Arrested: Booze & Coke
Britney?s Bizarre Car Rides
The singer used to drive on the wrong side of the road and into oncoming traffic with her kids in the car. Those parenting classes sound more and more necessary. [NY Post]
Heroes Star Freaks Out for Fans
Hayden Panettiere may only be 18-years old but she drops F bombs like an old sailor, cursing out photogs who were crushing a small fan. Our hero! [TMZ]
Paris Takes Up with a Tourist
Her new boyfriend is a Swedish tourist visiting LA for the summer. Let’s hope he takes her home to meet his folks and she never returns.
Jake & Reese Back Together?
The most boring couple on earth can’t seem to decide if they want to be together or not. We’re too busy watching paint dry to even care. [E Online]
Charlie Sheen & Ex Battle Over Kids
They each want their kids, so they each accuse the other of being crazy. Your parents look like angels next to these two lunatics. [NYDN]
Missed Rilo Kiley at their sold-out Webster Hall shows? So did we, which only compounded our case of the Mondays. The only thing that could salvage our day? Having the adventurous indie darlings over to rock the 20th floor offices of VH1. Which is precisely what they did this morning. To promote their brand new Under the Blacklight, the Kiley stopped by to play us three tracks off their latest.
The band launched into their slinky, sex-worker single “The Moneymaker,” with the lovely Jenny Lewis nailing every note, despite her self-confessed sleepiness. “This is the first time this combination has ever happened,” the floppy-hatted Lewis dead-panned, gesturing to her coffee and her performance. Next up, the band played a bongo-laced version of “Dreamworld,” with co-singer Blake Senett on vocals, before finishing up with the impossibly tiny Lewis warmly belting out the glorious “Silver Lining” (watch the video here). Before they jetted off to their Conan appearance, the band hung around to chat and eat cupcakes. Pop stars — they’re just like us! Check out their latest record here.
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Rilo Kiley Videos
Of course it could! She could have uglier, faker extensions. She could – nope, that’s it. Her life has officially hit rock bottom over a 48-hour span. If you don’t believe us, check this shizz out:
- Bad: On Friday that massive bodyguard, Tony Barretto, who served as a surprise witness in Brit’s custody battle revealed the gory details about life with the singer, which apparently included drug overdoses, whiskey kept in the pantry and her own made-up language. It’s-Ay Ritney-Bay, Itch-Bay!
- Totes Bad: Also on Friday, she was charged with a hit and run after she rammed her Mercedes into a parked car in August (see video above). Brit was spotted that day leaving her lawyer’s office in tears.
- Seriously Badtastic: That same bodyguard does a second interview and claims Brit talked about suicide and ate sushi for breakfast. Her craziness clearly has a range.
- Possibly a Good Thing?: This weekend her lawyers and friends(she has friends?) apparently tried to get Britney back into rehab. She did leave LA this weekend, but is supposedly in Atlanta and not detoxing.
- It Only Gets Worse: The bodyguard kept his blabbing going on The Today Show this morning. Stay in Atlanta, Brit! We hear the food their is really
good fried. You’ll love it!
Britney Bombs on the VMAs | Photo Gallery
Brit’s Bad Parenting Finally Busted
Brit Chugged Booze Instead of Rehearsing
Britney’s Kids Have Rotting Teeth
Pics: Nicole Shows Off her Baby Bikini Bod
Baby belly + skimpy string bikini = total healthy hotness in Hawaii. Way to go Mama Richie! [Just Jared]
Owen Wilson Relaxes with Rocker Pal
The troubled star took it easy at a Cali beach this weekend with former addict and pal Anthony Kiedis in tow. [X17]
Hilary Duff?s $100,000 Birthday Gift
Her new boyfriend surprised her with a Mercedes for her 20th birthday. Joel Madden who? [People]
Richie Sambora Back in Treatment
The Bob Jovi rocker is receiving help for his alcoholism again, this time joining Lindsay Lohan at Cirque Lodge. Anyone else smell a romantic rehab love scandal brewing? [TMZ]
DMX?s Dead Dogs Land Him in Trouble
The three dead dogs found buried on his property were burned and wounded, and the cops aren’t happy about it. We hope this isn’t how Ruff Ryders roll. [TMZ]
There was a moment, maybe a few days actually, where America watched the silhouettes of U2 raging from the TV screen and said “What’s that song?” Hard to imagine that the earth-shaking “Vertigo” was a mystery tune for a while, but one thing’s certain: it became known damn quick. Those iTunes campaigns have introduced us to some very cool tracks.
The latest is Feist’s wildly catchy “1,2,3,4.” Though the Canadian indie chanteuse isn’t as well known as Bono, her stock is on the rise. During the last few days, the Web search queries for “iPod nano song” and “iPod nano commercial” have
tripdupled risen significantly. Yes, the world is getting a grip on this occasional member of the acclaimed Broken Social Scene. The quickest way to fall into Feistville, however, is to check our You Oughta Know pages, where vids, tour dates and lots of other info lives. And if you’re seeking a sweet live take on “1,2,3,4″ and other Feistian ditties, come down to our “Unplugged” session. You’re probably wondering what she’s knows about music, too, right? A couple months ago we gave her a blindfold test. She did just fine.
What’s your favorite song by Feist?
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