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by (@katespencer)

Papa Simpson: Still Rockin’ the Creepiness

jessicadad073007.jpgCheck out this quote from Jessica Simpson‘s dad and get ready for your skin to crawl a wee bit. He tells People that the strangest role his daughter was ever offered “was for Jessica to [play] a porn star,” he told the mag. “We were promised we would win an Oscar with that. I was like, ‘Eh, we’ll just buy a [statue of a] little man and keep our clothes on.’ ”

Isn’t Jessica kinda of porn star-ish already? Okay, okay, she’s not having sex on film, but remember that car washing video for “These Boots Were Made for Walking?” There’s something about dry humping a vintage Dodge Charger in a bikini with soap suds dripping everywhere that feels just a little dirrrty. As for winning an Oscar – don’t stop believing Papa Joe. It could definitely, possibly, maybe happen. Just probably not with her latest potential bomb. But surely that “little man” statue that Joe bought will make Jess feel all better about her crappy career picks! [People?/ Image: Getty]

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by (@katespencer)

Usher Unravels, Cancels Wedding

usher07307.jpgThere’s trouble in Usher’s paradise, as his much-hyped weekend wedding to Tameka Foster was canceled last minute on Saturday. His rep released an official statement revealing only that the nuptials were off, but rumors are rampant that the cancellation stemmed from a variety of drama. Usher’s mother Jonetta, who didn’t make the guest list, was vehemently against the wedding and may have convinced her son to call it off. Another battle for the couple was over what food to serve at their shindig. A source tells People that the pair, “had a lot of differences about the details. For example, the bride wanted barbeque, [and] he wanted to have [renowned chef] Jean Georges cook.”

Wow. If two people can break up that easy over food, imagine what kind of mess they’d be in with a kid?! Oh wait – Tameka and Usher are expecting a baby this fall. Yikes! Usher is now apparently home in Atlanta attempting to make peace with his estranged mother. “The reason he called off the ceremony is that he couldn’t go through with it without Jonetta,” said a NY Daily News spy. “He had an eleventh-hour epiphany.”

Or maybe he just realized that he really hates pulled pork and ribs.

What’s up with this guy?

[People, NY Daily News?/ Image: Getty]

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by (@katespencer)

Monday: Janet and Mariah Compete; Justin and Jessica Canoodle

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Album Wars: Janet vs. Mariah
Uber-producer Jermaine Dupri is pitting Mariah Carey’s upcoming album against his girl Janet’s brand new joint, in hopes that the pseudo-competition will boost buzz and sales for both divas. JD’s producing Mimi’s new record too – isn’t Ms. Jackson a little jealous? [Mollygood]

Nicole & Joel: Fighting in Public
The dad-to-be reportedly unleashed his temper on his tiny lady friend, dropping a few F-bombs while the starlet stayed silent. Let’s hope they make peace before the baby arrives. [Star Magazine]

Super-sick Christina Cancels Gig
The little lady with the big voice had to cancel some stops on her latest tour to rest in bed with a bad case of the flu. [People]
Read more…

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Bono & Penelope Cruz: Just Friends?

Penelope CruzSt Tropez does things to people. The sun, the surf: romance is everywhere. Which is why the gossip world is wondering if it did things to the actress Penelope Cruz and the married man Bono. The pair did the party thing recently (can you say 4 am?), and wound up looking ultra cozy as they bounced to and fro. Maybe he was just holding her hand to protect her from those nasty photogs…maybe. Leave your comment on whether you see sparks flying or hear hearts fluttering.

by (@katespencer)

Britney Rides the Crazy Train to Vegas

britsnewman.jpgLil’ Miss Wacky and her tiny tots have bailed on Los Angeles and headed to Las Vegas to do whatever it is a young mom and her two kids do in Sin City. G-Rated strip shows and gambling for goldfish crackers, probably. The only problem is, Britney is not supposed to have her kids out of state without K-Fed’s permission, which she did not have. Fed-daddy is p*ssed, and with good reason, it seems. His babies are probably riding Siegfried and Roy’s tigers right now!

Brit’s family vacation only got worse when her bodyguard put the smack down on a photographer at the Wynn Hotel, where the star was staying. Apparently the pap got too close to Sean Preston, and the bodyguard, JC Camera, freaked. Yes, his last name is hilarious in this situation. Camera was charged with a citation of battery, while Britney filed an “allegation of battery” against the photog on behalf of Sean Preston. Britney has since left the hotel, and has hopefully learned that if she wants to really keep the paparazzi away she should go to a remote vacation spot. Try Vermont over Vegas, girlfriend. [Image: Getty]

by (@katespencer)

Nicole Will Spend 4 Days in Jail

nicole.jpgPoor Nicole – always copying her pal Paris. First it was the bone-thin look, then the hair, now she’s pulling the “sneak off to jail when everyone leasts expect it.” The tiny starlet has headed off to court this morning (watch video of her arrival here) with a dapper looking Joel Madden attached at her side. Nicole is apparently going to plead either guilty or no contest to her DUI charge, and will then receive a minimum of five days in jail. Might as well get it out of the way before that baby really starts kickin’.

On a superficial note, Nicole looks totally bangin’ on her last day of freedom. Cute dress, nice big shades, and a hairdo worthy of a wedding. Kudos, my petite friend! A proper lady always go down in style. And her own pants. For more of Nicole in cute clothes, check out this behind the scenes video from Nylon of her photo-shoot for the mag’s cover.

UPDATE: Nicole was sentenced to four days in county jail, which she must begin serving by September 28th. She was also fined $2048, is on probation for 3 years, and must attend a 21 day alcohol education course. [TMZ. Booking Photo]

by (@katespencer)

Lindsay’s Car Chase Companions Tell All

lindsayceleb072707.jpgTMZ has a four-piece video interview with the three men who were supposedly in the white Denali that Lindsay Lohan drove recklessly through Santa Monica prior to her DUI arrest. It’s a lot of information to weed through, but compelling as hell nonetheless. These guys allege, among many things, that Lindsay was drinking cocktails and doing shots, drove (stole?) a car belonging to one of the men, ran over one guy’s foot, zoomed down the highway doing 100 miles an hour, drove in circles around the second car on the highway, and at one point yelled, “I can’t get in trouble. I’m a celebrity. I can do whatever the f**k I want.”

Right, Linds. Right. There’s no way to tell if these guys are exaggerating at all – the guy’s bandage on his foot looks a tad homemade, for example – but still their tale is totally enthralling. Especially the part where Lindsay, when confronted by the police, supposedly tries to blame her reckless driving on “the black kid.” Her words. Ugh.

Check out all the videos HERE.

by (@katespencer)

Friday:The View Gets Two New Ladies; Britney Boots her Assistant

whoopi072707.jpgWhoopi and Sherri: New to The View
Though ABC will not yet confirm it, the two funny women are rumored to be both be headed to The View round table come this fall. Surely the Donald can find one of them to hate. [MSNBC]

Hilary Duff’s New Man’s a Jock
The teen star has moved on from her rocker ex Joel Madden to hockey star Mike Comrie, who is also the heir to some Canadian family fortune. Nice rebound, Hil! [TMZ]

Tom Cruise Extortion Plot Busted
A guy known as the “Sultan of Sleaze” has been arrested from trying to extort over a million dollars for TomKat in return for stolen private wedding photos. Tom doesn’t show the money to anybody. [Us Magazine]

Read more…

by (@katespencer)

The Crazy Baby Name Trend Continues

katiesuri07607.jpgBritain’s big-boobed model “Jordan” and her husband Peter Andre recently named their newborn baby girl Princess Tiaamii, which is a combo of Thea and Amy – their mothers’ names. With, of course, Princess in front of it. If you thought that was the worst celebs could do, think again. Stars have gone out of their way to make a name like Suri seem tame and boring. For example, actress/dj Shannyn Sossamon has a kid named Audio Science. Toni Braxton‘s two tots are Diezel Ky and Denim Cole, while My Name is Earl actor Jason Lee named his child Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf. But no one can top Jermaine Jackson, who coined one of his offspring Jermajesty. Holy awfulness. Keep in mind, it is impossible to tell which of these children are boys or girls. It’s beyond gender neutral – these names are gender baffling.

It’s a good thing there are so many celebrity babies on the horizon, to make way for newer, more horrifying names. Christina Aguilera could call her baby Lady Marmalade, while maybe Nicole Richie should think about something like Toothpick Tattoo Richie-Madden. That’s (baby) hot! [Times Online. Image: Getty]

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R. Kelly’s Expanding His “Closet”

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Can you hear that light drum roll? It’s the opening crescendo of R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet,” and if it’s ringing in your ears, it’s for a reason: Kells has prepped 10 new chapters of his R&B melodrama to be released Aug. 21 on DVD. The tangled web, which often feels as if it was made up as Kelly went along, features the singer narrating as the character “Sylvester” and is the campiest contribution to American R&B since…well, Sylvester. The future installments will feature R. Kelly assuming a new role in addition to that of Sylvester: he’ll play a beard-wearing, potbellied old man named Randolph. There’s no word on further plot developments: whether Gwendolyn is going to beat Cathy’s wig-wearing ass or if Chuck, Rufus and Cathy can settle their bisexual love triangle (that “chapter” he performed at the 2005 VMAs never did surface) or if we’ll have to endure 10 more rounds of the same damn melody and instrumentation. Mostly, we’re like Idolator: we just want to know what happened to the midget.

Of course, the true cliffhanger hinges on whether, after two years, people will still care about this complicated nonsense. For now all we can do is shake our heads dissapprovingly, much like Sylvester did as he watched Chuck, Rufus and Cathy duke it out in the then-final chapter. [Billboard]

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