by (@katespencer)

Paris Hilton is an Expert on Parenting

parisexpert0809071.jpgThe above statement should be obvious, considering how wonderful Paris Hilton is as a dog owner. Even though she has yet to pop a baby out, Paris knows all about what makes a good mommy, and has total faith in Nicole Richie to be one. “She’s really happy.” Paris said of her BFF. “I just got off the phone with her. She’s so excited. I know she’s going to be the best mom ever.”

Really? How do you know, exactly? Because she’s been so fun to get fall-down drunk with over the past 26 years? Paris also revealed that Nicole and her man are “really in love.” Now that’s something we trust Paris to talk about. Now stop blabbing and get back to that charity work, heiress. [People. Image: Getty]

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Patton Oswalt: Religious Flav Of Love?

Flavor Flav

Stopped on the red carpet for Sunday night’s Roast of Flavor Flav on Comedy Central, professional wiseacre and rat-voice star Patton Oswalt wondered what would happen if the Catholic church got all hooked-up in a reality show.

Our coverage of the event gave you a taste of what to expect, but if your life is built around curse-riddled zingers, you’ll want to spend a few seconds with the show’s trailer. Hey, Brigitte Nielsen’s not really a man, is she?

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A Real American Idol?

babyidol.jpgA hearty congratulations goes to Antoria Gillon. The 20-year-old hairstylist was nine-months pregnant while auditioning for the upcoming season of American Idol. Well, she’s not pregnant anymore! Gillon went into contractions while waiting her turn on line. The labor pains continued as she performed for the judges. She said: ?I gave it my all through the contractions. They were back to back and getting harder and harder but I was more than willing to have my baby right there. I wasn?t leaving without my golden ticket to the next round.? As if that weren’t nutty enough, Gillon proved herself to be a genius by naming her son Jamil Labarron Idol McCowan. Two thoughts: First, if this keeps up, Gillon’s going to give Dina Lohan a run for worst mother of the year; second, Rupert Murdoch, the Australian mogul who controls Fox, American Idol’s parent company, has just found himself a new marketing and PR exec. You’d hire her, wouldn’t you? Thanks, Fox! You’ve made our lives better. Again. [Image via Dlisted]

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Madonna Gets the Timba Touch

timba3.jpgMidas-like producer Timbaland is finally divulging some of the deets on his work on the new Madonna album. Partnering with Justin Timberlake, Tim wrote and produced ten songs on Her Madgesty’s album, due out in November. “She’s great. … She’s got a hot album. Her album is up there with Justin’s album,” Timbaland told MTV News during yesterday’s Video Music Awards press conference. Rumors began soon after Tim and Justin were seen out with Madonna earlier this spring. Tim went on to talk about one song, called “La, La” — “The hook is no words. It’s saying stuff named after coffee — all these different names for coffee — is the hook.” Sounds interesting. And caffeinated.
[MTV News / Image: Getty]

(Click the thumbnails to see recent photos of Madonna on stage.)

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by (@katespencer)

The Lohans are Loser Parents

lindsaydina080907.jpgLindsay Lohan‘s former bodyguard, Tony Almeida, who worked for the starlet from 2002-2005, has come forward to rat out her parents for being totally crappy at their job. This is hardly news, as even tiny babies know that Michael’s a loon and Dina’s one of those enabling, “I wanna be BFFs with my kids,” kind of ladies. But Tony gives us even more disastrous deets about the Lohans, like the time Michael got so violent while driving on the highway he pulled their car over and slammed Lindsay against the hood, screaming at her and calling her a slut. Nice.

Dina didn’t help the situation, apparently letting her daughter booze at parties and have sleepovers with her then-boyfriend Aaron Carter at fifteen. Letting her daughter go near that scrawny thing was her first mistake right there! Tony also claims he once found Lindsay snorting “powder” in a closet, and says she cut herself repeatedly and threatened suicide, desperate for attention. Sounds like she’s gonna need a lot more help than a third stint in rehab. Just do a Drew Barrymore and get rid of ‘em all Linds! Even if your ex-security guy is lying, your fam did let you make that stripper-murder movie, and that alone is grounds for dismissal. [NY Post. Image: Getty]

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Fiddy Wishes Scherzinger’s Name Was Hot Like His


50 Cent is just like us, at least in one respect: he can’t pronounce the name of Pussycat DollsNicole Scherzinger, either. Even though they got together for a track for Fiddy’s upcoming Curtis disc, the rapper couldn’t get down with her name. He recently told Blender:

They should’ve changed her name. Her name is Schizinger or some s***, right? That’s a f***ed up name…I’d give her like a stripper name. Maybe ‘Pleasure’ or some s***. ‘Nicole Natalie.’

Fiddy has the right idea: down with Schizinger! If old Schizzy isn’t feeling “Pleasure” or “Nicole Natalie,” here are a few other suggestions she should seriously consider. They’re all better than “Scherzigner,” but then again, the sound of a vacuum cleaner is better than “Scherzinger.” Anyway, our list:

- The One Who Sings
- The One Who Stands in Front
- Frontsie
- H.B.I.P.C.D.
- Boobycat
- Buttycat
- Vagineycat
- Eunice
- Tease-a-Louise
- Treasure
- Eva Non-Goria
- Fueled by Iovine

[Blender Blog / Image credit: Getty]

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by (@katespencer)

K-Fed Makes His Move for the Kids

kfed080907.jpgEven though their divorce was just settled and custody split 50-50 between Britney and Kevin, the former backup dancer filed papers yesterday for primary custody of the couple’s two sons. A source revealed that Federline has been worried that Brit’s wacky behavior exposes the babies to “unnecessary risk.” Okay, technically a topless pool makeout sesh doesn’t directly harm their kids, but we see K-Fed’s point. Britney’s kinda lost it, and she’s got the weave to prove it. Spears has not released a statement regarding her ex’s move, but she’d probably say something like, “Huh? Wah? I’m freaking out! No, not because of Kevin trying to get all custodian, but because I can’t find my Marlboro Lights. Seriously though ya’ll , I’m a good mom and a brainiac – that’s gotta count for something!” [People. Image: Getty]

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by (@katespencer)

Diddy’s Ex Reveals: “He’s cheated”

kimdiddy080707.jpgApparently all that time Diddy was out macking ladies and hanging with J. Lo and her Versace dress, he had an on-again off-again girlfriend waiting in the wings. But now they’re apparently off for good, and Kim Porter‘s run to OK! Magazine to dish and diss Diddy. Oh, if only we regular ladies had a sweet, glossy outlet in which to rag on our exes but alas, we’re not all models with three kids fathered by a hip hop legend. Some of Kim’s choice quotes include this one on Combs’ wandering eyes – and hands and lips:

“I will never sit here and say that Puffy — or any man — is 100 percent faithful. I just don’t believe it. Some of you are, but I’m not going to sit here and say that I didn’t believe that he cheated on me. I would never say that. I’m aware that he’s cheated.”

Read more…