We can’t get enough of Kim Kardashian and Britney Spears (we have a soft spot for fake hair and fake butts), so needless to say we’ve been marveling at the dumb things they’ve both said recently that will surely come back to bite them in the ass (not that Kim needs the help). For starters, Kardashian claimed in July that her Playboy spread would “not be a nude pictorial.” She also promised that “it would be tasteful like Mariah Carey,” which is an obvious oxymoron, right? Turns out the pics rank as super classy on the Mimi scale, as they are fabulously trashy and totally nude! Oh Kim, why bother lying? We can still see all your lady-bits even through the pearl necklaces you’ve hung all over yourself. Tasteful indeed.
Meanwhile, Ryan Seacrest woke up Britney Spears at 9AM this morning to do an interview in which she proceeded to make zero sense answering questions about her kids: “my lawyers know all that;” and celebrating her new record: “we watched movies…and we had fried chicken.” Britney, who was particularly out of it (it was early, we guess) hops off the phone in the middle of the interview to go take a shower. Obviously. She does whatever she wants, even when it makes no sense. Luckily, her hanger-on pal Sam told Ryan the interview was the only thing they were doing to promote the album. It’s a good thing she’s freed up her schedule to do nothing! It’s kinda what she does best. [Images: Getty]
The cheesy songs. The creepy dad. The Proactiv commercials. The reality TV show. The shoe line, hair extension line, and bathing suit line. The slew of stupid movies. Nick Lachey. And…everything else. It makes us wonder – what is there to like about Jessica Simpson and why would Owen Wilson even want a piece?
The two have been spotted doing the usual Hollywood date and canoodle routine, and frankly we’re worried about the toll this is going to take on Owen’s fragile mental state. Perhaps one could claim that she’s just a fine piece of ass, but even her manufactured good looks are so fake it makes us seriously depressed. Listening to her tell stupid stories about that dumb dog she’s always lugging around or recounting her shopping trips to Louis Vuitton is enough to make someone want to…you know. Lip locking with Simpson is way more than just a kiss – it’s Owen self destructing! Jessica is worse for him than heroin, and – as we saw from her needy relationship with John Mayer – really hard to kick. [Image: Getty]
You make one little comment about the dude that shamed your girlfriend in front of millions, and it’s all anyone wants to talk about. At least that’s what Jermaine Dupri is experiencing above, and unleashes a curiously video-taped (and expletive laden) tirade [NSFW]. A few weeks ago, The New York Post reported that the Little Producer That Could dissed Justin Timberlake in his biography, stating JT could be “any skinny white kid from the suburbs of Orlando,” and questioning Timberlake’s star power. Now Dupri’s being called upon to answer for the remarks, and he’s none too pleased. In the clip, Dupri rails against whoever’s on the other end of the line (we’re guessing it’s directory assistance or the automated weather service), stating the whole incident is “the dumbest f*ck” and “I don’t need no f*cking press off Justin Timberlake.” Do you think Dupri is overreacting?
Robert Goulet passed away last night. The ultra suave singer/actor dominated the early 60s, wowing the world with a string of musicals. Here’s a nice bit that shows his skills. But a younger generation learned about the guy – may he rest in peace – through Will Ferrell‘s ridiculous impression on Saturday Night Live. Here’s a look that clip, too. (Language is NSFW)
Congratulations babies! You win! The judge loves you and your daddy more, and now you only have to be scared of Mommy for two days a week, from 12-7PM. Only fourteen hours of driving around in her Mercedes inhaling secondhand cigarette smoke and burger fumes. There is hope after all! Now, there is one bad side to this recent custody decision. You two will have to do one overnight each week with with your Mom. I know, I know, there are no beds for you to sleep in at her house – only giant Versace hobo purses. Awww, don’t cry Sean Preston, it’ll be okay! A parenting coach is going to be monitoring your visits while you guys are there, so you have someone to look out for you. And this lady is totally on your side! She’s already told the judge that your mom “rarely engaged with the children in either conversation or play,” and that her “choices are dependent more upon what she wants to do at any given time rather than what would be more enjoyable for the children.”
The law is on your side, Sean Preston and Jayden James! Now buckle up your car seat safety belts – you know your Mom’s gonna forget to do it again. [Getty]
Morgan Jordan’s ill-fated video for “Werewolf Bar Mitzvah” has had us chuckling since it aired on 30 Rock a few weeks ago. Then it was a 10-second snip. Now it’s a full-ass song, with lyrics about about brisket and circumcision and and fangs and claws. Would a real werewolf ever dance with his cousins?
Tell us: Who’s the most hirsute Jew in celebville?
TomKat Ready to Give Suri a Sibling
- Or Katie just needs another friend to hang out with since her old ones are probably banned from their house now. [OK!]
Ashley Olsen Kisses Lance Armstrong
He may not be old enough to be her dad, but he’s tall enough to be her…climbing tree? Is that really sexy? [NYP]
J Lo?s New Flick Gets Panned
Everything Jennifer Lopez does these days is getting booed. She should just tell us that she’s pregnant so we can like something she’s created. [NYP]
Britney Refuses to Promote Album
Brit’s too lazy/crazy/tired/drunk/hungry/cold/spacey/stupid to promote her new album, and her label’s given up on trying to make her work. Psssst – tempt her with Taco Bell. [NYDN]
Reese and Jake?s Love: Real or Fake?
Check out this video of the pair cuddling on the beach and feeding each other. Who does that? People faking a relationship to create buzz for their failing film, perhaps? [TMZ]
You can hear the high-vis tunes on the weekly CSI franchises, and marketing campaigns have used “I’m Free” and “Happy Jack” of late. But for the most part the Who‘s music isn’t around all that much – frustrating for fans who know there are lots of other tracks to blast at top volume. Many of them are heard or discussed in Amazing Journey, a portrait of the band and VH1′s latest Rock Doc (watch it this Saturday night). Of course there are lots explosive songs by the band that don’t get spun enough. Write back and call us liars if you’ve given “I Can’t Reach You” some love lately.
We made a list of hidden gems that you should check out. But what’s more important is getting a taste of the Roc Doc and submitting to the power of this video list.
Above is a nice clip regarding the quandary the guys had over choosing a band name. Make the jump if you want to find out why they were banned from Holiday Inns for life! And do make sure to tell us your fave Who song.
A story this morning tempted us with something that was sadly too good to be true. Madonna, who apparently dated doe-eyed Tupac Shakur a year before he was murdered, wanted to have the rapper’s baby! Madge’s pal reveals, “She was going out with him … but homegirls were saying to him, ‘I can’t believe you’re going out with a white girl.’”
Tupac apparently dumped her and then you know – Madonna got knocked up by her trainer, married Guy Richie, had another kid, got into Kabbalah, wrote some books, made some track suits, sang a little, and is still insanely rich. But man – can you imagine the spawn that could have been? His eyes, her…arm muscles. Their combined musical talent and passion for living life on the edge. Their kid would have kicked Maddox’s ass and dated Suri before she could walk. Damn, that would have been one bad-ass baby. [Image: Getty]
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Box Set: Madonna