We’re sure Billy Ray Cyrus (dad to teen queen Miley) was just trying to be nice when he invited Britney Spears over for Thanksgiving dinner, but now he’s kinda screwed. Cuz girlfriend – being the wacky, spontaneous weirdo that she is – has said yes to his offer, and Britney will be shoving sweet potatoes in her mouth alongside 2007′s version of her former self. Weird right? Now that Brit has said yes to his invite of “Honey, you are welcome to a Nashville Thanksgiving at our house,” what is the Cyrus gang to do?
1. Keep the food (and the booze) coming. It’s not just Thanksgiving, but it’s Thanksgiving with a depressed, single 26-year old whose babies are with their dad on a holiday because their mom sucks at life. Make two green bean casseroles this year!
2. Lock up Miley’s closet. Britney is going to try to switch clothes with her immediately. To really prevent this, make sure no one wears a bikini to the dinner table.
3. On second thought, lock up Miley! Do you really want that kind of influence around her? [Images: Getty]
Ubiquitous producer Timbaland is set to be a father by the end of November, according to sources close to the track master. The New York Post is reporting that Tim is expecting a girl with a woman who works at his Mosley Music Group. Though the pair aren’t together, the Post reports Tim will be “very involved in the child’s upbringing.”
What could that possibly mean? We’ve got a few ideas:
1. Checks from “Aunt Missy” on birthday.
2. Justin Timberlake as godparent.
3. Nelly Furtado attends Show and Tell at school whenever the lil’ one wants.
Nicole?s Shower Reveals Baby Boy?
Pals like Paris were spotted bringing boyish gifts to Richie’s Wizard of Oz themed baby shower. Lil Madden will be able to fit into Mommy’s clothes in no time! [People]
Carrie Underwood Wins Again
Now the Idol’s got 3 American Music Awards under her couture belt. Take that Kelly! [Us]
No One Cares About Paris Anymore
No one is photographing Paris anymore! The world may not be able to agree on how to attain universal peace, but at least we all can all get behind hating Paris. [TMZ]
Amy Winehouse Puff Puffs, Freaks
The singer was busted for constantly smoking in the bathroom of an airplane, on an hour long flight. Er, obviously? [DListed]
Pics: Tom Cruise is Seriously Fat and Bald
He may be in costume, but this look isn’t that far off. This is what Katie gets for marrying a dude 20 years older! [DListed]
Today we learned about the Hollywood Prayer Network, a group of people praying for celebrities and the entertainment industry. If you are a “Christian professional in Hollywood” you can request prayers from the group as well. We can think of one person in La La Land who might need a little love from above. Maybe God – or at least the Hollywood Prayer Network – will hear our plea.
Dear Person in the Sky Up Above,
Today Britney Spears was told by the judge in her custody case that she can not drive with her kids in her car anymore. So I pray she stops wearing sunglasses while she drives and that she puts an end to all her red-light running. Also if you could bless the feet of the photographers that she has run over, that would be swell. I’d also like to pray that Britney’s car becomes an airplane so she can fly all over Los Angeles to the various Starbucks and tanning salons she must frequent every day. Even better – please put a Starbucks and a tanning salon on a cloud so then she can fly her car-plane to them without running into the paparazzi. This will prevent all accidents from happening. If anyone can do it, it’s you God. I hope this isn’t too much to ask for, but a car that can fly is probably peanuts compare to like hurricanes and stuff. Also, can you fix my TiVo? Thanks. Laters! [Yahoo. Getty]
Wow what a difference 5 months, a new hair color, and thousands of dollars worth of rehab can make! Lindsay Lohan snuck into jail yesterday to complete her required 1 day sentence. She got there at 10:30 AM and was out by 11:54 AM, making her stint in jail a whole lot shorter than Paris’! The sheriff’s spokesman said, “She was nice and cooperative. Everything was fine.? Fine like – her lips look bigger, her hair is a more strawberryish blonde, her eye makeup is poppin’, and she was totally rockin’ her new hot ‘I love scarves’ look. She just looks way more down with being behind bars, doesn’t she? Everything is definitely fine with LiLo. [Booking Photos]
Not to quote Fox News or anything, but this is one of those ‘we report, you decide’ kind of moments. What we’re reporting is this here video above, of the world’s greatest train wreck (sorry Britney), Amy Winehouse, performing in concert in Zurich on October 25th. She appears to be fiddling around with her beehive for a while when she’s supposed to be singing the Toots and the Maytals song “Monkey Man.” It then looks like she hides something in her sleeve, lifts her hand to her nose and does something that looks a lot like snorting. Give it a watch and let us know what you think – is she storing coke up in that massive beehive, or just some tissues for a stuffy nose? Given the fact that her tour manager just quit because he was supposedly getting a contact high (that showed up in his bloodstream) from all the heroin smoked on Winehouse’s tour bus, we are quick to assume the former.
John Mayer has discovered what the rest of the world has known for years: he is a douchebag. John recently took to the Internet to bone up on himself (a douchey thing to do in itself) and the results were of profound self-discovery: “I’m kind of a douchebag. I got a little sick of myself…I’m insufferable,” he reports.
Of course, admitting that you’re a douchebag is a wholly non-douchey thing to do: self-awareness and douchebaggery cannot exist side-by-side. And so, by admitting this, John Mayer is more or less no longer a douchebag. Curses! Foiled again. [TMZ.com]
Lauren Speaks : ?The Hills Is Real?
Don’t worry Lauren, as long as you keep fighting with Heidi we’ll watch no matter what. [Us]
Britney?s Got Big Botched Lips
Britney Spears has become a walking example of what happens when lip injections – and life – go bad. [TMZ]
Lance Denies Love for Olsen Twin
The biking star comes forward to officially clear up the air about his Olsen makeout sessions. Eh, we still believe the rumors. [Us]
Kanye Mourns Mom from London
Funeral Arrangements have been made for a memorial service as Kanye tries to mourn privately in London. [Us]
Spice Girls Back On Stage
Ten-years older, but just as sexy. Oh yeah – and still lipsyncing. Gotta make it last forever somehow! [People]
No, that guy is not my grandfather. It’s the Scottish sultan of sex, Sean Connery. Young’ins might not be familiar with his fine acting resume, but he’s best known as the original James Bond and the dude who first said “You’re the man now, dog.” Also, he’s damn sexy at just about every age. Which explains why it’s totally plausible that Sean lost his virginity at the age of eight, which is alleged in the new book “Where Do Nudists Keep Their Hankies?” Connery actually admits it, saying “I was 8, but I can’t recall with whom.” Spoken like a true aging pimp. You’re still the man, old dawg.
To give you a little perspective on what age group we’re talking about, we’ve outlined a few stars of Young Hollywood and matched them with older celebs who lost it at their age. Try not to gag. [Images: Getty/CBS]
Hey, it’s Dakota Fanning, 13 going on 14, and her lil sis Elle, age 9! Boning at Dakota’s age: Clint Eastwood, David Duchovny, Bruce Willis. Judging from the fact that these girls won’t be hot for another ten years, this feels fairly wrong.
Abigail Breslin, of Little Miss Sunshine fame, is so fresh-faced and adorable right? She’ll be 12 in April, which is when Don Johnson got his first taste of the lady snacks! The still-sexy Johnny Depp and Jon Bon Jovi went for it at 13.
It’s Will Smith‘s mini-me, son Jaden! The Pursuit of Happyness starling clocks in at 9 years, so he’s OLDER than Sean Connery was for his first time. Something is really starting to feel wrong about all this! Let’s see what 8-year olds we can dig up here…
But of course – little Jimmy from Kid Nation! The adorable munchkin stole our cold hearts on the premiere of that borderline abusive show, but our love was cut short when he wailed, bailed and went home. The reason – homesickness, cuz ya know, the kid’s 8-years old. Gross Connery. Real gross.
Chris Crocker was right about leaving Britney alone. But it’s not because she’s a victim and needs some space; rather it’s because she’ll turn your feet into gravel with her car tires. Britney was out last night pulling into the Four Seasons hotel in Los Angeles, when one photographer refused to heed the warnings of “Back off the drive! “As Brit rolled along, his foot managed to get wedged under her tire as he snapped pics and she drove right over that mess. You can tell in the vid that Britney is freaked out and can barely see, so it’s no wonder someone got hurt. The guy was later spotted showing off some sort of cast like contraption, but we can’t really feel that bad for him. Britney may be a bad driver (among other things), but this is one situation in which she’s actually not to blame. Now if she can only fix all that stuff with her
lips drugs kids – er, everything. [Popdirt]
Britney Saves the Children (But Not Her Own)
Britney’s Drugged Up and Dancing Badly
Britney Drives Like an Effing Idiot