Britney’s Worst Year Ever: February

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You were there through the bad driving, the head-shaving, and the Criss Angel thing. It’s been a tough year for our girl. No one could have imagined a mere 12 months ago that she’d create such glorious new nonsense every week. Some of the craziness escapes you? Come back every day: We’re counting down the events that made up the Year in Britney.

year_in_britney_2.jpg February 13Beach Blanket Britney – Britney was spotted at a Manhattan nightclub (in the dead of winter, mind you), rocking what the New York Post described as a “bikini and white busboy coat.” Whatever, can’t fault a girl for taking advantage of global warming, right? Anyway, what seemed like one in a growing number of quirks actually was an ominous sign of things to come, for within days, Britney had her first round with…

February 14Rehab, Take 1 – Britney checked in to Eric Clapton’s Crossroads in Antigua, California, and then checked out within 24 hours. It’s not that she didn’t want help, it’s just that she has, like, a really short attention span. [TMZ.com]

February 16A Woman Shorn – That evening, Britney entered a Los Angeles hair salon and asked a beautician to shave her head. When the hairdresser wouldn’t comply, she took matters into her own hands and buzzed herself down to stubble. When asked later what prompted her to do this, she told a paparazzo it was “because of you.” The photogs who undoubtedly made a mint off of shots of the freshly shaved Brit were all, “You shouldn’t have!” [Sky News]

February 20Rehab 2, Electric Boogaloo - If the title of this entry suggests that I’m not taking Brit’s second stint that month in rehab (this time at Promises in Malibu) seriously, it’s becuase, well, I’m not. For you see…[National Enquirer]

February 21Rehab Aborted, Again – …she wasn’t serious about it, again ditching rehab after being there for fewer than 24 hours. It was as though she got dieting and rehabbing confused and decided that yo-yoing was the best method. [FOXNews.com]

February 21 - You Can Stand Under My…Rage – As if a 24-hour turnaround time in rehab wasn’t enough to entertain us, Britney trumped the head shaving of last time by kicking the ass of a photog’s SUV parked outside Kevin Federline’s house. She was reportedly enraged that she couldn’t get inside the pad to see her kids. Undoubtedly, the money made from the shots could have bought about 10 of those vehicles. For all of her hardship and messiness, Britney’s touch is Midas. [X17]

February 22Rehab: Yes, Yes, Yes - Third time turned out to be a charm for Britney, who checked into Promises and would eventually complete the facility’s 30-day in-patient program. Over the course of the time, she learned to sit and stay. So, you know, it just goes to show that she’s still trainable. All is not lost! [TMZ.com]

[Image credit: X17]

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Wednesday: Jessica Alba’s a Hot Mama

by (@katespencer)

jessica-alba-1212.jpgJessica Alba: Still Hot, Now Pregnant!
Congrats to the couple – especially her beau Cash Warren, who will now be forever covered by his cash cow of a baby-mama. [People]

Madonna Freaks Out in Yoga Class
Madge apparently kicked out an entire yoga class at her gym so she could practice by herself. Surely Kaballah doesn’t preach being an asshole, right? [NYP]

Amy Winehouse Can?t See Hubby, Cries
The singer missed visiting hours at her hubby’s jailed and spazzed. Um, set an alarm next time? [Us]

Fur Lovin? Olsens Twins Trashed by PETA
The animal rights group is ragging on the gajillionaire sisters for wearing lots n’ lots of animal products. [Us]

Gwyneth and Chris ? Still Together, Still Boring
The Paltrow-Martins were spotted lunching together and chatting. Couldn’t they be plotting their divorce? [NYDN]

2007′s Craziest: Akon Smacks That

by (@katespencer)


Some gossip stories are too big to forget. We?re counting down the 20 biggest, baddest, most ridiculous and saddest celeb scandals of the year. You?ll get a new one posted every day.

Remember when Akon was just a dude with a hit record, a rap sheet and a few wives? That was before he was busted for taking his on-stage antics way too far. Back at a concert in April, Konvict brought up a 15-year old woman from the audience to accept a “trip to Africa” she was to be awarded for winning an earlier dance concert. Turns out her prize was a just a ride on the Akon crazy train, and the singer proceeded to mount and violently hump the teen all around the stage. How sexy! The girls are swooning! The incident caused Verizon to pull out of the Gwen Stefani tour it was sponsoring (Akon was the opening act) and he eventually apologized a few weeks after it all went down, saying “It was never my intention to embarrass or take advantage of my fans in any way, especially those under the age of 18.”

Yeah, like that makes it any more appropriate, pal. If you can stomach the grossness, check out the video above of Akon’s hump-nasty spectacle.

Britney’s Worst Year Ever: January

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You were there through the bad driving, the head-shaving, and the Criss Angel thing. It’s been a tough year for our girl. No one could have imagined a mere 12 months ago that she’d create such glorious new nonsense every week. Some of the craziness escapes you? Come back every day: We’re counting down the events that made up the Year in Britney.

year_in_britney_1.jpg January 1 ? Down for the Count ? Brit kicked off 2007 with a bang…on her head. After hosting two countdowns at the PURE nightclub in Las Vegas, Brit was rumored to have gone into “a dead faint and just fell right to the floor.” Rumors that she had to be dragged out were shooed away by then manager Larry Rudolph who said that the singer was “just tired and falling sleep.” Hopefully she got some rest that night: she had a very busy year ahead of her. [Vegas Pop]

January 2 ? New Year’s Resolution ? She revealed to Extra TV that her New Year’s Resolution was to “stop biting my fingernails” and to “just to take care of me more, I think.” Fair enough about the former, but as for her latter resolution, she must have been referring to self-medication. I think. [ExtraTV.com]

January 5 ? Britney Addresses the Masses ? She hasn’t always been the most cuddly of pop stars, but Brit did reach out to her admirers via her official website. Like Eva Peron with exposed genitalia, she proclaimed from her keyboard balcony that, “I’ve been able to sit down and think about where I want to go with myself as an entertainer with absolutely no strings attached.” Like in life, where she wanted to go with herself as an entertainer would turn out to be extremely simple: on a bender. [Dlisted]

January 9 ? Brit’s Clothes Get Shredded ? The singer soon found herself in the only place more familiar than a puddle of vomit: atop Mr. Blackwell’s annual worst-dressed list. She wasn’t so much an easy target as she was a target that would knock you down, steal your arrow, and plunge it through herself. See the pic to the left, if your eyes can handle it. [Boston.com]

[Image credit: X17]

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Michael Jackson Morphs

by (@katespencer)

michael_katie.jpg
It’s not that Michael Jackson looks like a woman on the latest cover of Jet Magazine. We’re way beyond that comparison; people have been saying it for years and honestly, who’s not gender-bending these days? More specifically, Michael looks like a lady news anchor, and we’re feel-ing his look. The gold python jacket and slinky black turtleneck combo says, “I’m sexy and I know all about Iran’s secret nuclear weapons program,” while the hair reveals a sensible side that can also let loose once the vodka tonics starts flowing and the Don Henley is blasted from the boom box. Mixed with those trusty wool slacks and high cheek bones, and he’s got that “soccer mom one minute, interviewing the Secretary of State the next” thing down! We’d totally trust him to deliver the news on broccoli preventing cancer. Trusting him to deliver a hit album is another story.

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Top 20 Singles of the Year (6-10)

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As 2007 dwindles down, we’re taking a look back at our favorite tracks. Each Tuesday through the end of the month, we?ll sing the praises of the 20 songs that made our year. See what made the cut, and let us know what you think of our choices.

Amy Winehouse, ?Rehab,? from Back to Black (Island)

06_amywinehouse.jpgHere’s the track that will probably be remembered as the year?s most portentous song. Belting out her rejection of medical care (for what, as it turns out, was a slew of emotional and mental problems, including drug addiction, bulimia and cutting), the petite British soul star established herself as a crossover hipster with urban appeal. She wooed both the Hot 97 crew and the American Apparel kids vying for face time on the Cobra Snake. Her unfortunate biography aside, the song?s meld of R&B, punk attitude and references to another ill-fated star, Donny Hathaway, marked the arrival of an exciting pop voice. Winehouse’s sound was so radically different than the soft-soul competition, she united disparate elements of the culture — everyone from Jay-Z to Nas, say. Ostensibly, the song?s about a girl abusing liquor to cope with a bad break-up. In the lyrics at least, she knows better: ?Didn?t get a lot in class/ but I know it don?t come in a shot glass.? It?s an honest ode to the virtues of being headstrong. It?s too bad, of course, that it turned out Amy herself needed rehab after all.

Mims, ?This Is I?m Hot,? Music Is My Savior (Capitol)

07_mims.jpgCan a simple lyric come off like a profound declaration? In hip-hop it can, and out of the blue this mediocre MC dropped a chest-thumping boast that was utterly confident about its one-note message: ?I could sell a mil saying nothing on the track,? drawled the New Yorker. That?s not necessarily the artistic crime it sounds like; give it up to Mims ? this baby was one of the summer?s early smashes. A key reason: the rich atmosphere created by that ghostly synth setting and that sidewalk-shaking boom. It?s the kind of space dub stuff that sticks in your mind. And it enhances his arrogance. Out to cut the competition (?I?m hot cuz I?m fly/you ain?t cuz you?re not?) a guy who?ll probably never equal this success again came up with a masterpiece of contention.

Read more…

Simpson May Get Naked For Her “Art”

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jessica_simpsonJessica Simpson‘s acting career has long been the subject of ridicule, but apparently she’s looking to change that by taking off her clothes for a role. After starring in such bombs as The Dukes of Hazzard and Employee of the Month (as well as the straight to video Blonde Ambition), the box office black widow is considering taking a role that would feature some graphic nudity in order to get her acting career on track.

According to Dlisted, this is the second time Simpson’s been offered a role that required nudity. Simpson’s father (and former Baptist minister) Joe said, “The last script that came to us was for Jessica to be a porn star. We were promised we would win an Oscar with that. I told them, ‘I think we’ll just buy a statue of a little man and keep our clothse on.’” First of all, it appears that Joe’s getting his pronouns mixed up — Oscars are awarded to the actors, not their parents. Secondly, this is from the man who once stated, “She’s got double D’s! you can’t cover those suckers up!”

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Another Day, Another Oompa Loompa Rescued by Paris Hilton

by (@katespencer)

paris-121007.jpgJust a typical day in the life of Paris Hilton! At a performance in Miami this weekend, a rowdy crowd shoved performer Robin Sherwood (dressed as one of Willy Wonka’s Oompa Loompas) so hard that he sliced his leg open on a metal part of the stage support. But never fear! It’s a bird! It’s a skanky heiress! It’s…Paris Hilton? Yes, the waste of space in a fancy dress “rescued” the fallen little man like the hero that she is! A witness revealed, “Paris screamed for help and jumped up to move everyone away from him. She held Robin’s hand and said the sweetest things to keep him calm. She stayed with him until he was safely in the ambulance on his way to the hospital.”

Sherwood ended up getting 50 stitches and is recovering – thank goodness he’ll be okay and credit has been given where credit is due. Paris deserves some sort of award for her life-saving skills and selfless behavior. Then she can resume her mission of rescuing imaginary elf-like creatures across the globe! [NYDN. Image: Getty]

Zep Tears Sh!t Up in London

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oldzep.jpg

Yep, it happened last night. The ’70s kingpins Led Zeppelin reunited to celebrate their music biz pal Ahmet Ertegun and tickle a global fanbase that remains fervent four decades after the band first began. The set list ranged from “Rock and Roll” to “No Quarter” to “Dazed and Confused.” The audience members ranged from Mick Jagger to Dave Grohl to Pink to Naomi Campbell. More reports and live clips coming in soon. Keep checking back throughout the day.

Didn’t make the show? Watch a block of Led Zeppelin videos to relieve the frustration. Don’t overlook some of their coolest tracks.

Tuesday: Jessica’s a High Maintenance Pal

by (@katespencer)

jessica-eva.jpgJessica Simpson?s Got Beef with Pal Eva
Jess is supposedly all pissed that her BFF Eva Longoria was spotted hanging with John Mayer. Bros before annoying whiny pains in the ass, right Eva? [NYP]

Madonna Stepping Up to Back Hillary
Look out Oprah, there’s a new famous lady campaigning for a Dem in town! [NYDN]

J.Lo?s Twin?s Are Already Spoiled
These mofo’s are having three different nurseries designed for them – one at each mansion. Let’s just leave it at that. [NYDN]

Britney Acts Crazy, Looks Like Crap
Hey ya’ll! Just me and my pink wig, driving around like a freak! Ya’ll should buy my album so I can afford more Frappucinos! [TMZ]

Angelina Names Shiloh the Family Outcast
Jolie calls her biological baby the family outcast because she’s looks different from her other kids. She’s just giving Shiloh that much more ammo to use against her when she turns 13. [DListed]