If you’re in Britney overload, don’t worry – we feel your pain like a bad set of hair extenstions. She’s on the cover of practically every gossip magazine this week and according to the tabloids is doing everything from hitting on Jenna Jameson to guzzling Jameson in front of her kids. If you’re keeping tabs, here’s a list of all the Brit rumors circulating this morning.
- Britney and her ex-assistant Shannon Funk (recently subpoenaed by K-Fed) are/were lesbian lovers
- Brit asked nannies to sleep in her bed with her and her baby
- She drinks to loosen up and boozes until she ends up drunk in front of her kids
- Stripping in front of visitors and nannies is a daily habit
- The mom of two has told her kids they were mistakes. Sadly they’re too young to understand what the hell she said, especially because her speech was most likely slurred.
- The starlet is planning a performance comeback at the MTV VMAs next month.
- Brit is applying to be on Flavor of Love 3. Yeah, we’re just kidding, but wouldn’t that be so effing awesome?! Her Flav name would probably be something like CrazzeeMamma or Weaviee.
[DListed, OK!, Popbytes, NY Daily News, Us Weekly, Life&Style.]
Britney?s Naked Hot Tub Makeout Session
Papa K-Fed: Custody Battle Smack Down
K-Fed?s Private Dick Serves Brit Papers
K-Fed Makes His Move for the Kids
Browse Britney Spears Photos
Justin and Jessica Playing House?
The cute couple are supposedly ready to take the plunge and share a house. Get ready for baby bump watch to start in a week or two! [Life and Style]
Lindsay Sued by Car Chase Victim
A passenger in the car Linds chased last month is suing the actress. Funny how she starred in a movie about some girl with no luck, and now she has none. Karma’s a bitch to bitches! [TMZ]
Paris Parties for a Price
The heiress and her little sis are apparently shopping around their services as party hosts to Las Vegas clubs, for a price of $500,000. We didn’t realize Paris’ wallet counted as a charity. [NY Post]
When in doubt, go with the sexy photo spread, right? Maxim is about to drop a new issue that features some kootchie-koo shots of Lindsay “The Black Kid Was Driving” Lohan. Somewhere in between taking the pictures, the mag’s journalists found time to get some quotes, and yes, the juiciest of ‘em is now out there making the rounds on the InterWeb.
Which part of your body garners the most attention?
My breasts have been a really big hit?
We’re wondering if that’s a leftover quote from some old Jessica Simpson chat, but I guess we’ll find out what comes after the ellipses when the mag streets next Tuesday.
One thing’s certain. Old Firecrotch looks better in that white thingee than she did on her darkest day.
Think there’s any chance Lohan will still be looking sexy after her stint in dry-out camp?
Browse Lindsay Lohan Photos
Is Lindsay Pregnant and Barefoot on Long Island?
The Lohans are Loser Parents
Lindsay: Locked Up in Rehab or Chillin? at Mom?s?
Photo: Lindsay Lohan’s Police Mugshot
After serving Brit’s “cousin” Alli Sims with legal papers over the weekend, K-Fed and his team of lawyers pounced on another victim, serving her manny/boyfriend/security guard Daimon Shippen with two subpoenas yesterday to testify in the couple’s latest custody hearing. Apparently Shippen “was completely surprised to be served. He was dumbfounded and in a state of shock.” What we’re most shocked about is that K-Fed can actually afford lawyers. How many copies of Playing With Fire did he sell? Five?
One of Brit’s pals is defending the singer and going after Kevin, arguing that the back up dancer really wants Britney’s other baby – her money. A source close to the star told X17, “…his dispute now is clearly for financial gain. Britney isn’t hiding anything. And why didn’t he fight for full custody of his kids with Shar Jackson if he loves his kids so much?”
Good point mystery source! Now if only you could tell us why Britney let Jayden wear one of her hats out to dinner last night. [Getty]
K-Fed’s Private Dick Serves Brit Papers
K-Fed Makes His Move for the Kids
Britney’s Naked Hot Tub Makeout Session
Lindsay & K-Fed Have Revenge Sex
Is Paris Faking Good Behavior?
Though she seems to be on her best behavior – cuddling with babies, wearing full-piece bathing suits and ignoring her pals the paparazzi – a source alleges that it’s all an act. [NY Post]
Nicole’s Got a New Hot Body
After years of looking painfully thin, Nicole’s body finally gets hot – and it’s all thanks to that baby bump. We like this kid already. [TMZ]
Lindsay Cleaning Toilets in Rehab
The starlet’s daily schedule at posh rehab joint Cirque Lodge includes cleaning duties as well as gardening, hiking and spa treatments. So when do they address the actual addiction? [Us Weekly]
The boys hit the road, with the express purpose of geting Tony Potato laid. Which shouldn’t be a problem, given that Whitestarr has “girls galore.” Post-show, Cisco describes Mr. Potato as “a dancer, a lawyer, an overall renaissance man, but he cannot follow through on anything.” A heart-to-heart ensues after a crestfallen Tony leaves the backstage area to take a leak, and Cisco follows him into the bathroom. Apparently Tony’s trouble isn’t the fact that he’s overweight, balding and in a struggling band (what girl wouldn’t want that!?!), but that he has no follow through.
The band embark on a tour, playing 28 shows in 30 days to bring the music to the people. Cisco doesn’t seem to think of what he does as “touring and playing music” so much as pirating: “taking what we need and leaving some scurvy…new town every night, new girl every night.” This proves more difficult for Tony. In one particularly painful scene, Tony has one unsuspecting female in a half nelson, and as she cackles on his lap she says, “I don’t do dancers. I only do rock stars.” Wrong bus, sister.
This crossed our desks. We thought some of you might be interested. It seems Fox Searchlight is casting for the role of Biggie Smalls in their upcoming film Notorious. Think you’ve got what it takes? Well, unless you’ve got an endless supply of Cohibas, a yacht and the voice of angel, we doubt it. But go here to apply now anyhow. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
See the full ad after the jump …
Gas, brake, gas, brake, gas. After hitting some snags in the late spring, the principals of a little band known as Van Halen have finally figured out a time when they can all be together on stage. Their keenly anticipated tour has officially been announced, and the guys, David Lee Roth, Eddie Van Halen, Alex Van Halen and Eddie’s son Wolfgang Van Halen (filling in for uninvited original bassist Michael Anthony), will be bouncing around the country starting in September. “Hello, CLEVELAND!”
Check out the list of dates after the jump. But, actually, maybe you should get reacquainted with the dudes beforehand. Videos are right this way. And if you feel like taking a quiz on old Diamond Dave, have a go at it.
It sounds like Amy Winehouse‘s drug use has finally scared even herself. It’s about time – the rest of us were freaked out months ago. The singer recently opened up to News of the World, a UK tabloid, about her recent overdose after ingesting and smoking a massive drug cocktail:
“It was just crazy?one of the most terrifying moments of my life. I don’t know how to explain what happened. I don’t really know myself. I can’t remember what I looked like. I couldn’t recognise myself. It was terrifying?I was terrified. I was so out of control. It just happened. It shocked me. I’m sorry?I just don’t know what got into me. I never want to feel that way again. I’ve scared myself this time. I was all over the place. I know things have got to change. I have to sort myself out. I’m fine. I’ll be back at work on Monday. I’m fine, honest.”
Except that she’s not going to be back at work for a while, as she just canceled a bunch of gigs opening for the Rolling Stones in Germany. But not to worry, “fine” is the word we always use to describe people who slip into comas after going on a bender of booze, heroin, cocaine, ecstasy and ketamine, so that’s a relief! Amy Winehouse is going to be a-okay. [Image: Getty]
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