Can anyone make sense of the phenomenon that is celebrity ladies doing the nasty with illusionist Criss Angel? We all know Cameron Diaz had a major brain fart and dated the guy for a month this summer. But did you know that he and Paris Hilton stuck their tongues in each other’s mouths last year? The pics are not for the faint of heart (and definitely belong on the Hot Chicks with Douchebags website) . Now we find out that Lindsay Lohan spent her first weekend out of rehab getting cozy with the magician! It’s like these ladies go to Las Vegas, drink some "I want to bump uglies with a lame dude" juice, and all their standards go to waste. Sure, Paris and Linds aren’t virginal saints, but at least they limit their skankiness to decent looking dudes (Nick Carter excluded) or guys with charming personalities (I’m looking at you, Wilmer!). If only there was some way to make Criss Angel disappear for good.
They’ve got all the money in the world and yet they still manage to make boneheaded moves. Here’s the dumb things some stars – and their pals – have been up to this week.
- Britney Spears has forsaken all sensible Hollywood advice and has decided to become her own publicist and business manager. Let’s invest in some Cheetos stock, ya’ll!
- Casey Johnson, the heiress to the company that bears her name (twice), has made Nicky Hilton her new baby’s godmother. As if the kid needs the influence of another crazy rich airhead in her life.
- Nice guy Ryan Seacrest treated pals to a booze-fueled dinner at Nobu, where one female guest drunkenly asked, "Beer doesn’t give you a yeast infection, right?" and later sang, "I’m not wearing pantyhose." Surprisingly, this ditzy lady was not Paula Abdul.
- K-Fed is apparently in talks to be a DJ at LA radio station KIIS-FM. We’ve heard Kevin talk, and it ain’t pretty, yo. Get ready for some dead air.
Here’s a great idea: become the world’s most beloved and talented pop/R&B singer, sell millions of albums, attract packs of screaming, adoring fans - and then turn them all against you because of a woman. Sound smart? Because if so, then Usher‘s an effing genius. After sending out an open letter last week defending his career moves as well as his much despised fianc? Tameka Foster, the singer is now reportedly trying to shut down the fan website UsherForever.com, because its creator does not favor his lady.
Usher’s already fired his manager (and mom!) and severed ties with his two longtime reps. But his fans? Need we remind the star that without them, they’ll be no one left to buy his next album. It even looks like he’s gonna miss the August deadline set by his label to deliver his new goods, effectively preventing his album from reaching stores during the holiday season. Maybe if he wasn’t wasting all his time being so defensive, we’d actually have some new Usher tunes to remind us of why we actually loved the man-diva in the first place. [NY Daily News/Image: Getty]
Pete and Ashlee: Wedding Ready?
Contrary to internet rumors that popped up yesterday, the rocker couple did not get engaged at the Live Earth concert a couple weeks ago. Give these two time – Ash is probably trying to learn from her sister’s mistakes! [Us Magazine]
Gwen Accuses Store of Copying Fashions
Gwen Stefani’s Harajuku Lovers fashion line is suing cheap chain store Forever 21 for stealing designs. There’s no ‘Sweet Escape’ from the law! [MSNBC]
Did Britney Beat Up Her Mom?
Britney apparently got slap happy after her Mom arrived at her house unannounced to visit Sean and Jayden. When will people learn – you don’t mess with Brit! [MSNBC]
It’s been almost nine months since Britney kicked K-Fed to the curb and busted out her short-lived spell of hotness. Since then we’ve been anxiously awaiting her comeback, which has instead been one big letdown made up of rehab, buzzcuts and cheeseball tattoos. But Spears may have an opportunity to put a new face forward on August 31st, when she hosts the Las Vegas opening of the LAX nightclub at the Luxure Hotel.
We can almost see it now (cue dream sequence music): Britney – with set of hair extensions that costs more that $10 – appears in an actual bra and a dress that fits, and spends the night skipping the booze for energy drinks. Her fake nails have been buffed down and her ratty flips flops have been replaced with a nice pair of Louboutins. She discreetly chews Nicorette and only dons a cowboy hat for a few minutes, when the DJ plays "Cotton Eyed Joe". She then gracefully exits the soiree to enjoy a dinner of Cheetos and fine caviar. Make it happen Brit – dreams can come true (specifically, mine)!
Check out that picture of Faith Hill and she’s lookin’ pretty darn fine for a millionaire mom of three who’s about to turn the big 4-0. She’s even on the cover of Redbook this month! Anddddd that’s where her trouble begins. Jezebel got their hands on the original version of Faith’s cover photo prior to it being touched up with the magical tools that only magazines and wizards possess, and holy Hollywood standards are the results horrifying. The more you look at the touched up cover picture, the more you’ll wonder why we as a society like our celebs to look like straight-up aliens. If the difference in her arm’s shape and size isn’t enough to freak you out, check out her eyes, her back, her posture and, oh, her disappearing hand. Faith was way better looking before she went under the digital knife, crow’s feet and all.
It’s not just Redbook – touching up has been a normal practice at mags since, like, forever. Just imagine the work that goes into getting rid of Lindsay Lohan‘s under-eye bags and coke nose! Sure, this practice speaks to a larger problem in our culture of misleading images and unreal body expectations. But you know what – I kind of don’t care. I’ll still hungrily buy my beloved fashion mags every month. Because if I can’t ogle at glossy, perfect pics of celebs and then feel bad about my arm fat, is life really even worth living?
Ladies and gentlemen, guard your eardrums: Paris Hilton is prepping another album. Certainly, this qualifies as threatening us with a good time, right?
She’s revealed that she’s already in discussions with Timbaland foe Scott Storch, who produced much of her first
abomination album. An anonymous source reveals that Paris has been taking voice lessons and is "really serious about her music career." So serious, in fact that she harps on it with the tenacity of a zombie. Here’s what Paris said to E! regarding her sophomore hump:
"I’m already working on my new record. I’ve been in meetings with Scott [Storch] and we’ve been working on it. I’ve been working on it with Scott for a few weeks."
Got that everyone? She’s working on it, she’s working on it, annnnnnd, she’s working on it. It’s comforting that someone with so much to say is making pop music. She’s finally making good on the philanthropy she promised when she was in jail! [E! News]
Now and then our Tour Survival Guide will check in with rockers about life on the road. Here’s guitarist James Black on how puppies and towels keep Finger Eleven touring.
Video Games Can Be Hazardous to Your Tour
Our other guitar player Rick broke his hand playing video games when we were touring on the last record. He got killed in the game, punched the wall of the bus and broke his hand. It f*cked the tour up for him for a couple weeks. We play four against four usually, and it gets aggressive. Once a year goes by [on the road] you start to put personal touches on everything you do in the game because you?re genuinely angry at the person. But that?s eight months from now.
Bath Towels: The Ultimate Rock Star Extravagance
We ask for seven to nine towels. Sometimes you show up and they give you these little square, face towels. It?s gotta be a nice clean towel — I?d love a bath towel. Usually it?s a hair towel sized-thing. Sometimes [I steal towels from the hotel], if it?s nice and soft, it’s like "I gotta take this." There?s a drawer in our bus for those towels.
The first clips from the much-talked about Bob Dylan biopic I’m Not There have leaked, and Cate Blanchett’s Bob impression is downright spooky. The scene imagines the first meeting between Dylan and Allen Ginsberg, played by David Cross. Blanchett’s one of six actors depicting the Voice of a Generation, along with Christian Bale, Heath Ledger and Richard Gere. The film was supposed to hit theaters in September, but rumor has it that it will probably be delayed until next year.
Paris was spotted getting cuddly (and sandy) on the beach in Malibu this weekend with an Australian surfer named Tyler Atkins. The pair played with the heiress’ new puppy and examined tattoos on Tyler’s body before supposedly making out like crazy. In true Paris form she rocked a bikini and big black heels, tip toeing along that fine line between rich LA girl hot and drag queen hot.
Atkins is a 21-year old Australian t-shirt designer who is pals with Paris’ surfing instructor – the same guy who is also dating her BFF. He basically looks like a Down Under knockoff of Stavros. To really get to know this surfer dude, check out his MySpace page and these two YouTube interviews (linked below), in which he says "heavy" ten thousand times and dishes on his move to LA, the time he got busted at the airport with traces of cocaine on his guitar, and the famous young starlet who drugged him and "forced" him into a threesome. Any guesses on who that might be?