Britney Spears Hasn’t Slept in 3 Weeks

by (@katespencer)

Britney. Up all night. Again. Thank goodness for Starbucks, huh? Last night Britney managed to have dinner with her boyfriend, get a bunch of photographers arrested, shop for groceries at midnight, and then force some poor girl to open up Kitson at 2 a.m. so she could go shopping. Britney left the store in a men’s shirt, tie and not much else. How much do you want to bet that salesgirl quit as soon as she woke up this afternoon?

Foxy Brown’s Awesome Excuse to Ditch Jail

by (@katespencer)

foxybrown0108.jpgFoxy Brown is a genius, seriously. Her latest attempt to get out of jail involves her ears–which she should have used to listen to the judge back when she was put on probation. Had she done that–and behaved herself–she probably wouldn’t have ended up in jail in the first place. But alas, Foxy’s Blackberry-hurling ways landed her behind bars for a year, and now she’s written to the judge, attempting to get released early so that she can fix her on-again off-again hearing problem. Say what?

“I ask you to please take into consideration that my health is in jeopardy. Yes, I’ve made some bad choices and stupid mistakes. But please understand that sitting in a prison with murderers and criminals is not rehabilitating or what I need to deal with my inner issues.”

Or her inner ear. The only doctor who’s had success treating Foxy is in California, obvs. That’s where her lawyer wants her to head. He told the judge, “If her hearing is damaged any further . . . it will have dire consequences on her ability to maintain her profession and livelihood.” Seeing as her livelihood prior to her incarceration was causing mayhem by throwing sh*t at people, we think Foxy’s probably fine just where she is.

Thursday: Paula Prepares to Suck at Super Bowl

by (@katespencer)

paula-abdul.jpgPaula?s Superbowl Show a “Massive Disaster”
Insiders are saying Paula’s half time show is gonna straight up suck. But America will watch because she’s forever our girl. Rush, rush to your TV! [TMZ]

Amy?s Hubby Ready To Divorce
Her man threatened divorce after a major fight. Has Blake finally gotten off the drugs and wised up in jail? [DListed]

Ashley Olsen Sucks Jared Leto?s Face
Well-dressed troll + rocker a-hole = love. Awwww. [Us]

Oops! Someone Pissed off the Scientologists
Tom Cruise’s church is laying on the legal BS after Gawker posted this video of Tommy ranting, claiming copyright infringement. [Gawker]

K-Fed?s Lawyer Talks Up his Client
Kevin’s suit is claiming that Brit’s Ex wants to raise their kids together. Don’t lie, Kev. We’d be stoked about sole custody too. [People]

Britney Spears’ Worst Idea Yet

by (@katespencer)

britneyokcover2.jpgBritney’s Daily List of Dumb Things to Do Today

  1. Sleep with the married photographer that used to stalk me after only knowing him for 26 days.
  2. Get knocked up with his baby because I miss my kids so much after screwing up that whole custody thing. Yeah, that was pretty dumb of me.
  3. Eat a delicious, nutritious dinner of chocolates and tiny bottles of Zinfandel.
  4. Oh, I almost forgot — get engaged to my creepy boyfriend so I can look at his sexy goatee forever!
  5. Go out to buy a pregnancy test in public; let his photo agency take pics of the shopping trip and sell them.
  6. Drive by Kevin’s house at 3 a.m. high on Taco Bell.
  7. Light a cigarette in the car with a giant kitchen lighter.
  8. Not shower, again.

Big Boi’s A Ballerina

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Tutus, slippers and tights — they’re not the first things that come to mind when you think of Antwan “Big Boi” Patton of Outkast. But the Boi’s changing that with the ballet he’ll be performing in on April 10th through the 13th in his hometown with the Atlanta Ballet Company. The ballet, big, will feature selections from the Outkast catalog (including “Bombs Over Baghdad” and “The Way You Move”) as well as music from his forthcoming album, with plans to take the show overseas in the Spring.

In an interview with Spin magazine about the project, Big Boi said, “I?ve dated a couple of ballerinas. But I was like, ?That sounds kind of dope ? let?s crank it up.’”

John Mayer to Texas: Don’t Mess with Jess

by (@katespencer)

jess-john.jpgIs it possible that John Mayer is actually not just a cool guy, but an even cooler ex-boyfriend? The cocky rocker posted a Jessica Simpson-defending manifesto on his blog, after the entire state of Texas and every member of Cowboy-nation blamed her for their team’s recent football failures (funny how no one actually blames the stupid dude who lost the game). The only problem with John’s sweet words is that they’re probably gonna make Jess (and her dad) fall back in love with John all over again. Now that would really punish Tony Romo for ruining the lives of millions of Texans. John blogged:

Dear Dallas and Surrounding Areas,

This isn’t a sports blog, and it isn’t a publicity stunt. (but have at me if it feels right.) This is about doing what I think is right as a person, in this case speaking my mind. I have never known anyone to have more pride in their home state and their upbringing in it than Jessica Simpson has in Texas. I don’t really follow sports, but I have played some of my biggest and best concerts in your state, and having witnessed how dynamic the spirit there is, I’m betting emotions are running high right about now. All witty barbs, blogs, and fashion policing aside, that girl loves Texas more than you know. It’s one of her most defining traits as a person. So please don’t try and take that away from her. (You probably wouldn’t be able to, but it’s less work for all involved.)

I just thought it would mean something coming from the guy who has the absolute least to gain from this. And if I’m out of line in having written it, too bad. I can spare a Wednesday’s worth of bad press if it means sticking up for a good soul.

Wednesday: Zac’s a Hospitalized Hottie

by (@katespencer)

zacefron011608.jpgActor Brad Renfro Found Dead
The 25-year old had a history of drug and alcohol abuse in the past. Sad face.? [People]

Zac Efron’s Adorable Appendix Removed
Don’t worry, legions of screaming girls, he’s gonna be fine and his scar’s gonna be sexy.? [People]

Britney Caught Boning in Dressing Room
Brit made noises, walked around naked and bruoght her boyfriend in a store dressing room. But the best part is this eye-witness report: “”Her face was covered with cold sores and acne, and her scalp was patchy.” Ewwww!? [NYP]

Gwyneth Hospitalized with Pregnancy Scare?
He recent trip to the emergency room might have been baby-related. Let’s hope Gwynnie and the future Orangeblossom Soupcan Paltrow-Martin are okay.? [NYDN]

America Says No to Winehouse Visa
She’s trying to get to the Grammys, but the US won’t hand over the visa she needs to enter. Maybe the drugs were a bad idea afterall!? [NYDN]

Def Lep To Pour Some Sugar Onstage

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That’s right. Def Leppard — the ’80s hair metallers that rocked arenas around the world — are back with a brand new album, and they’re coming to a city near you. With their latest album Songs From The Sparkle Lounge due out in March, the mighty Lep are hitting the road with fellow rock staples REO Speedwagon and Styx. Can’t wait to see them? Check out VH1 Classic for all your Def Leppard needs.

Zac Efron Loves Leo, But He’s Not Gay

by (@katespencer)

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That hair. Those eyes. Those fake eyelashes. What’s not to love about Zac Efron, right tweens? The heartthrob of High School Musical is now speaking out about all those rumors about his sexuality, and he while he doesn’t clear anything up, he does come across as kind of smart. “I know it?s very addictive to read that kind of stuff. It?s entertainment. Honestly, if the worst he can say about me is that I?m gay, then I think I?ll be fine. I can handle it.” He adds, “These days everyone is just waiting for me to f*ck up. I?m not gonna give anyone the satisfaction of that.”

You mean like referencing Leonardo DiCaprio when pressed to come up with your first celebrity crush? We didn’t have to wait that long, Zac! Check out the video below to see what other classy guys Zac admires.? [Us, MollyGood]

Kev Loves Kids, Brit Loves Food & Pills

by (@katespencer)

kevin-federline-rules.jpgOh K-Fed. You and your snazzy mohawk and that sexy suit. And those dimples! Blush. Is it possible that we…might…LIKE YOU? Aside from the whole awesome and available father thing, Kevin actually understands our infatuation with him and Britney. He gets us! “I think the infatuation with the whole thing is that watching us go through things makes other people feel normal,” he says. So true, Kev! Your problems make our major dandruff issues pale in comparison. But what’s even more lovable is that Daddy Federline is so committed to his corral of kids, saying that he’s ?usually watching SpongeBob SquarePants, Cars or whatever the kids are into. I?m much more G-rated than anything else these days!?

Meanwhile, Britney was too “scared” to even enter the courthouse yesterday and fight for her sons because of all the paparazzi (like she’s never seen them before), so she left, visited a church and then ate some empanadas. Later in the night she went to a Rite Aid with her user boyrazzi Adnan and picked up a prescription. Brit’s not doing much to help her rep as the worst mom in the world, but we do understand being scared – like right now our feelings of Federlove are totally freaking us out.