Rock of Love: Laughing at the Guru

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What makes a rock star? Normally, that honor is reserved for those who are both famous musicians and possessed of a devil-may-care attitude toward life. In today’s Rock Star Moment, however, Bret Michaels shows a distinctly softer side, pairing loose cannon Kristy Joe (who was slightly more married than she let the Poison front man know) with Eastern Master Healer Satish Dholakia. Noting how distraught she is, the guru attempts to help settle her soul and bring her chakras back into alignment — a pretty hopeless endeavor, considering. He asks her if she’s ever seen a “crazy mountain.” She hasn’t, of course, but she’s shown all of us a mountain of crazy. Bless Bret. He’s such a kind man. It’s a sweet gesture, but is it very rock-star?

Brit and Mel Gibson: Brand New BFF

by (@katespencer)

We’re not sure this counts as a comeback, but maybe it’s a step in some sort of direction (we hope the right one). Britney Spears was spotted out on the town having dinner with actor/loud-mouth drunk Mel Gibson. Seriously. The pair hit up the Romanov Russian Restaurant and Lounge in Studio City, and sources say Mel and his fam has befriended the troubled singer and that he’s been offering her advice based on his own mishaps. Someone on the inside reveals that, “He understands what she’s going through. And he certainly has advice on how to not let it destroy your life.” We can only imagine…

Mel: Britney, trust me. Your career isn’t ruined just because you made a fool of yourself in public. I mean, I got hammered and went nuts and Apocalypto was still an enormous hit. Bigger than Spider-Man.

Brit: Apoca-what?

Mel: It was a movie I made about the decline of Mayan civilization. It was profound, to say the least. Epic. It was nominated for an Oscar for Sound Mixing – hellooooo!

Brit: Well, I really liked The Man Without a Face. I thought you might look like that in person. I was kinda scared to meet you.

Mel: We should really get the check. C’mon sugar t*ts.

[TMZ/DListed]

Come As He Was: Cobain’s Shoes for Converse

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The good news? The new line of Kurt Cobain-inspired Converse sneakers is the first time the late singer’s estate has ever collaborated with a brand. Considering Cobain’s choice of footwear, it’s an appropriate one. The bad news? It’s not in the best of taste. The Nirvana front man was — very famously, in case you’ve forgotten — discovered dead while wearing a pair of Converse sneakers. At the time, the image of Cobain’s splayed feet came to represent the end not only of the singer, but also an era in American music and culture. Now that we fetishize these momentos and totems of rock ‘n’ roll become increasingly untethered from their original contexts (have you been to a Hard Rock Cafe lately?), not to mention musicians who use their celebrity as an opportunity to diversify into different fields to both hedge against their inevitable irrelevance and maximize their media exposure (where are the Kanye West sneakers, we’d like to know), such partnerships are absolutely run-of-the-mill. Thing is, you’d have to be a pretty depressing kid to own a pair of these suckers, we think. And if you’re an adult, clearly there’s a problem. For reference, see Jason Bateman’s character in Juno.

[Via Nirvana Club]

Mariah Brings Pain (And Panties?) to SNL

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You know how superstardom works – you can’t stay in one spot for more than a few minutes because you’ll get swamped with fans. Keeping the evening’s action moving is the subject of “Migrate,” the lead track from Mariah Carey‘s forthcoming E = MC2. From the the car to the club, from the party to the after-party, from after-party to the hotel – wonder what time Miss Thing goes to bed? She rolled through the tune on Saturday Night Live over the weekend, bringing out T-Pain to help with a little contrast. She wore pants to sing this ditty.

On the show’s other performance, she wore one of those patented Mariah micro minis that reveals all that gorgeous Carey real estate. Actually, there are some thong-lovers who say our girl revealed a bit more than that. She was singing a tune call “Touch My Body.” Mariah would never pull a Britney on TV would she? Watch the “Body” clip after the jump.

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Monday: Halle Berry’s a Baby Mama

by (@katespencer)

halle-mama.jpgHalle Berry Welcomes Baby Girl
Another adorable child is about to takeover Hollywood. Shiloh should be very scared.? [TMZ]

Sam Lutfi Still Not Allowed Near Brit
The creepy hanger-on has been ordered to steer clear of Brit for another 30 days. Big sigh of relief!? [TMZ]

Is Madonna Dumping Guy in 18 Months?
Madge apparently has an elaborate plan to announce her divorce and move back to NYC in 18 months, when he career can handle the split.? [ShowbizSpy]

Eminem Working on New Bod, Album
The rapper might be makin’ a skinny comeback. Slim Shady, indeed!? [NYP]

Lindsay Blabs About her Druggy Past
LiLo loves to talk about how she’s changed since her trio of rehab stints, but we don’t really notice a difference.

Snoop Dogg On Stage: Tales To Tell

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He talked about cooling his heels in the living room while Doctor Dre took a boudoir trip with a female friend. He talked about growing up on the East Side of Long Beach, “where the grass is always greener.” He talked about being a kid and making his family laugh by doing the bump with his mom. And he talked about his wife thinking that “Sensual Seduction” was “weak” the first time she heard it. (Now, he added with a sly smile, “she can’t stop singing it. Heh Heh.”) Yep, Snoop Dogg lived up to the story part of his Storytellers sessions last night in Brooklyn – he’s got quite a few memories. This is going to be a good one.

The show airs on March 31, and certain tunes are going to remind fans just how agile an MC Snoop is. He had his flow on last night, especially during an update of “Lodi Dodi” from his rather classic debut disc. He made it special by kicking it with an old school master beat boxer by his side – can you guess who? Also sharp: a set closin’ romp through one of The Time‘s party anthems – can you guess which one? And our show ain’t the only TV the Doggfather’s doing. Looks like he’s dropping into the soaps and the toons, too. More about Storytellers next week. Stay close. Set list after the jump.

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The Weekly Wrap Up: Kim’s Crush, the Gov’s Call Girl & Dustin’s Dumpy Bod

by (@katespencer)

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Do the Nasty with a Plastic J. Lo

by (@katespencer)

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Radar has introduced us to the wonderful world of celebrity blow-up sex dolls, and trust us, once you see the fake goods you’ll be waving bye-bye to Paris, X-Tina and BritBrit for good! The dolls are the creation of Nick Orlandino, and through his company Pipedream Products he’s sold over 100,000 of the plastic ladies at $26.99 a pop. Check out the gallery and pic a favorite – we’re obviously addicted to the J. Lo doll – appropriate called J. Ho – both for her stunning, realistic face and that giant blown up butt (the pics are NSFW, obvs. They’re sex dolls, ya know?). [Radar]

Kim Kardashian: Famous for Stylin’

by (@katespencer)

The lady with a large butt, Ms. Kim Kardashian, has revealed that she’s desperate to give bumbling Britney Spears a makeover. “I would love, love, love to give Britney Spears a makeover,” Kim said. “I think everyone wants to give her a makeover. But I think that she is so cute and sweet and has a great style. But it’s all fallen apart and it’s a mess now. I would love to bring her back to where she used to be.”

Sure, we all want to redo Brit’s look, but what makes Kim think she’s qualified to do so? Well apparently our dark-haired diva is a STYLIST. Who knew? We thought she just sat around all day and got paid. Kim divulged her career secret as a guest on The View, after Barbara Walters bluntly asked her why she was famous and what exactly she does. Her answer – which was actually quite articulate – is above. We know what Kim wants to do, but do you think Brit would look hotter with long dark hair, loads of makeup, and decked out in an ultra tight dress?