The Weekly Wrap Up: Kim’s Crush, the Gov’s Call Girl & Dustin’s Dumpy Bod

by (@katespencer)

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Do the Nasty with a Plastic J. Lo

by (@katespencer)

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Radar has introduced us to the wonderful world of celebrity blow-up sex dolls, and trust us, once you see the fake goods you’ll be waving bye-bye to Paris, X-Tina and BritBrit for good! The dolls are the creation of Nick Orlandino, and through his company Pipedream Products he’s sold over 100,000 of the plastic ladies at $26.99 a pop. Check out the gallery and pic a favorite – we’re obviously addicted to the J. Lo doll – appropriate called J. Ho – both for her stunning, realistic face and that giant blown up butt (the pics are NSFW, obvs. They’re sex dolls, ya know?). [Radar]

Kim Kardashian: Famous for Stylin’

by (@katespencer)

The lady with a large butt, Ms. Kim Kardashian, has revealed that she’s desperate to give bumbling Britney Spears a makeover. “I would love, love, love to give Britney Spears a makeover,” Kim said. “I think everyone wants to give her a makeover. But I think that she is so cute and sweet and has a great style. But it’s all fallen apart and it’s a mess now. I would love to bring her back to where she used to be.”

Sure, we all want to redo Brit’s look, but what makes Kim think she’s qualified to do so? Well apparently our dark-haired diva is a STYLIST. Who knew? We thought she just sat around all day and got paid. Kim divulged her career secret as a guest on The View, after Barbara Walters bluntly asked her why she was famous and what exactly she does. Her answer – which was actually quite articulate – is above. We know what Kim wants to do, but do you think Brit would look hotter with long dark hair, loads of makeup, and decked out in an ultra tight dress?

Friday: Paris Gets Fugly for Love

by (@katespencer)

paris-benji-0314.jpgBenji and Paris: Adventures in Horrible Fashion
Paris Hilton and Benji Madden fugged it up on the streets of LA in two serious fashion don’ts. There’s nothing cuter than a couple that embraces bad outfits together! [X17]

Wanna Date Scarlett? Fork Over $40,000
A Brit bid $40 Gs to go on a date with the pretty star, with all proceeds going to Oxfam. [Us]

Britney Beloved on ?How I Met Your Mother? Set
The entire cast of the ABC show is in awe of their troubled guest star, and only had wonderful things to say about Brit. Maybe she can make some real friends, for once! [Us]

Nicole Kidman Kicks Ass to Protect Baby
Check out this vid of Nic’s bodyguard going ballistic on a paparazzi. Kinda scary, seriously awesome. [DListed]

Remy Ma?s Trial Hits a Bump
No one brought to the stand has been able to pin last summer’s shooting on the rapper. Will she walk? [NYP]

Brit”s New Video: She Looks Better Animated

by (@katespencer)

Brit couldn’t pull it together to shoot a video for “Break the Ice,” so instead she’s grabbed a cartoon, laid the track over it, and has released it as the official video. Back when Korn dropped their “Freak on a Leash” clip — almost 10 years ago — the whole animated idea was fresh and hip. Britney’s take is just stale, and it’s not just her fault! The girl can barely leave her house, much less shoot something for a couple of days. But doesn’t she pay someone, somewhere, to make these decisions for her? Oh — maybe that’s what Sam Lutfi was for. Oh well. Enjoy Britney — cartoon weave and all — above.

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Britney Spears Artist Page

American Idol: The Stripper Goes Down

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The stage is bigger, the contestants edgier, the crowd louder, the cross-promotions more brazen: It?s officially Finals Season on American Idol. Our big 12 took a crack at the Lennon/McCartney songbook this week, to such acclaim (and 29 million votes) that next week we?ll continue butchering the Beatles? legacy.

But first things first — somebody had to go home last night. After some grandstanding from an elephant-nosed Jim Carrey (Horton Hears a Who — as Ryan pointed out in one of his more incisive gestures, also a Fox venture — is the cause celebre of this season?s Idol) and a group performance of a Beatles medley (which shows, as always, that Idol mints solo stars, not group talent), the bottom three were revealed:

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Thursday: Brangelina’s Birth Plans

by (@katespencer)

brangelina.jpgBritney Builds Jamie-Lynn?s Nursery
Big sister Spears is spending over $30,000 to decorate J-L’s nursery in Louisiana. That’s what crazy siblings are for! [MSNBC]

Brangelina Say Bonjour to France
The couple is house-shopping in the European country, looking for a place to nest with their new baby. Au revoir! [Us]

Girls Gone Wild Founder Free from Jail
Watch out ladies! Creepy Joe Francis is on the loose and looking to see your boobs again. [TMZ]

Pics: Top Model?s Terrible Mess
Damn! Check out what Tyra’s peeps did to their NYC home away from home. Fierce! [TMZ]

Wino?s Dad : My Affair Messed Amy Up
Now we’re learning the Winehouse family secrets that may have contributed to Amy’s issues. Blame the parents! [Us]

Janet’s Sick, So SNL Enlists Mariah

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mariah.jpgSad news, Janet Jackson lovers: The Discipline pop star has dropped out of performing on Saturday Night Live this weekend because she’s sick with the flu. In her place, Lorne Michaels and team have drafted Mariah Carey, who, considering her recent video with Jack McBrayer, probably has the better sense of humor. Not that humor is necessarily a factor in SNL‘s choice of musical guests (although Paul Simon dressed up like a turkey was particularly memorable, as was Queens of the Stone Age‘s performance with Will Ferrell), but Mariah’s sense of kitsch ought to compliment the inevitable jokes about Eliot Spitzer, rising oil prices, potential war with Iran, and penises. We predict a penis joke or two because Superbad and Knocked Up star Jonah Hill is the host. For those of you who haven’t seen Superbad, just know the following: Mr. Hill is a rather notable proponent of penis-funnies. Too bad for Janet. She would have enjoyed this one, we think. After the jump, please find a trailer for Superbad 2: Super Worse.

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Idol: Who Murdered the Beatles? Syesha!

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Tonight our new co-ed American Idol crew took the stage for an evening of Lennon-McCartney songs. After wasting a good 15 minutes drooling over Idol?s flashy new set — “This is our new mosh pit, let?s hear it for the mosh pit! These are our lights, let?s hear it for our lights!” — the increasingly lewd Ryan Seacrest introduced the night’s theme: Beatles covers. The competitive stakes were high and the musical motif a challenge: transforming some of what Randy called ?the greatest songs in recording history? into three minutes of glory without sounding like a righteous karaoke fan or offending America?s collective pop conscious. For all of our contestants, last night was an opportunity to impress with the shtick they?ve been honing for the past few weeks — to tap into why American originally fell in love with the Beatles, and, with the help of their new stylists and coaches, present a gaudier, sexier and more refined version of themselves. Naturally, the results were vulgar. Let?s take a look:

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K-Fed on Broadway?

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kfed-90x.jpgAfter starring in the real-life version of Criminally Insane Blonde, Kevin Federline is in talks to star in Legally Blonde on Broadway. Based on the 2003 Reese Witherspoon girltravaganza, K-Fed is up for “a trio of roles” according to USWeekly, including the UPS guy who falls in love with protagonist Elle’s manicurist.

This isn’t Federline’s first time in the world of song and dance. Before he was Mr. Britney Spears, Federline was a back-up dancer with L.F.O. He also released an ill-fated solo record in 2006 entitled Playing With Fire, which Rolling Stone called a “reprehensible rap debut.”