Big Boi’s A Ballerina

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Tutus, slippers and tights — they’re not the first things that come to mind when you think of Antwan “Big Boi” Patton of Outkast. But the Boi’s changing that with the ballet he’ll be performing in on April 10th through the 13th in his hometown with the Atlanta Ballet Company. The ballet, big, will feature selections from the Outkast catalog (including “Bombs Over Baghdad” and “The Way You Move”) as well as music from his forthcoming album, with plans to take the show overseas in the Spring.

In an interview with Spin magazine about the project, Big Boi said, “I?ve dated a couple of ballerinas. But I was like, ?That sounds kind of dope ? let?s crank it up.’”

John Mayer to Texas: Don’t Mess with Jess

by (@katespencer)

jess-john.jpgIs it possible that John Mayer is actually not just a cool guy, but an even cooler ex-boyfriend? The cocky rocker posted a Jessica Simpson-defending manifesto on his blog, after the entire state of Texas and every member of Cowboy-nation blamed her for their team’s recent football failures (funny how no one actually blames the stupid dude who lost the game). The only problem with John’s sweet words is that they’re probably gonna make Jess (and her dad) fall back in love with John all over again. Now that would really punish Tony Romo for ruining the lives of millions of Texans. John blogged:

Dear Dallas and Surrounding Areas,

This isn’t a sports blog, and it isn’t a publicity stunt. (but have at me if it feels right.) This is about doing what I think is right as a person, in this case speaking my mind. I have never known anyone to have more pride in their home state and their upbringing in it than Jessica Simpson has in Texas. I don’t really follow sports, but I have played some of my biggest and best concerts in your state, and having witnessed how dynamic the spirit there is, I’m betting emotions are running high right about now. All witty barbs, blogs, and fashion policing aside, that girl loves Texas more than you know. It’s one of her most defining traits as a person. So please don’t try and take that away from her. (You probably wouldn’t be able to, but it’s less work for all involved.)

I just thought it would mean something coming from the guy who has the absolute least to gain from this. And if I’m out of line in having written it, too bad. I can spare a Wednesday’s worth of bad press if it means sticking up for a good soul.

Wednesday: Zac’s a Hospitalized Hottie

by (@katespencer)

zacefron011608.jpgActor Brad Renfro Found Dead
The 25-year old had a history of drug and alcohol abuse in the past. Sad face.? [People]

Zac Efron’s Adorable Appendix Removed
Don’t worry, legions of screaming girls, he’s gonna be fine and his scar’s gonna be sexy.? [People]

Britney Caught Boning in Dressing Room
Brit made noises, walked around naked and bruoght her boyfriend in a store dressing room. But the best part is this eye-witness report: “”Her face was covered with cold sores and acne, and her scalp was patchy.” Ewwww!? [NYP]

Gwyneth Hospitalized with Pregnancy Scare?
He recent trip to the emergency room might have been baby-related. Let’s hope Gwynnie and the future Orangeblossom Soupcan Paltrow-Martin are okay.? [NYDN]

America Says No to Winehouse Visa
She’s trying to get to the Grammys, but the US won’t hand over the visa she needs to enter. Maybe the drugs were a bad idea afterall!? [NYDN]

Def Lep To Pour Some Sugar Onstage

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That’s right. Def Leppard — the ’80s hair metallers that rocked arenas around the world — are back with a brand new album, and they’re coming to a city near you. With their latest album Songs From The Sparkle Lounge due out in March, the mighty Lep are hitting the road with fellow rock staples REO Speedwagon and Styx. Can’t wait to see them? Check out VH1 Classic for all your Def Leppard needs.

Zac Efron Loves Leo, But He’s Not Gay

by (@katespencer)

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That hair. Those eyes. Those fake eyelashes. What’s not to love about Zac Efron, right tweens? The heartthrob of High School Musical is now speaking out about all those rumors about his sexuality, and he while he doesn’t clear anything up, he does come across as kind of smart. “I know it?s very addictive to read that kind of stuff. It?s entertainment. Honestly, if the worst he can say about me is that I?m gay, then I think I?ll be fine. I can handle it.” He adds, “These days everyone is just waiting for me to f*ck up. I?m not gonna give anyone the satisfaction of that.”

You mean like referencing Leonardo DiCaprio when pressed to come up with your first celebrity crush? We didn’t have to wait that long, Zac! Check out the video below to see what other classy guys Zac admires.? [Us, MollyGood]

Kev Loves Kids, Brit Loves Food & Pills

by (@katespencer)

kevin-federline-rules.jpgOh K-Fed. You and your snazzy mohawk and that sexy suit. And those dimples! Blush. Is it possible that we…might…LIKE YOU? Aside from the whole awesome and available father thing, Kevin actually understands our infatuation with him and Britney. He gets us! “I think the infatuation with the whole thing is that watching us go through things makes other people feel normal,” he says. So true, Kev! Your problems make our major dandruff issues pale in comparison. But what’s even more lovable is that Daddy Federline is so committed to his corral of kids, saying that he’s ?usually watching SpongeBob SquarePants, Cars or whatever the kids are into. I?m much more G-rated than anything else these days!?

Meanwhile, Britney was too “scared” to even enter the courthouse yesterday and fight for her sons because of all the paparazzi (like she’s never seen them before), so she left, visited a church and then ate some empanadas. Later in the night she went to a Rite Aid with her user boyrazzi Adnan and picked up a prescription. Brit’s not doing much to help her rep as the worst mom in the world, but we do understand being scared – like right now our feelings of Federlove are totally freaking us out.

Tuesday: Nicole and Her Baby are Twins!

by (@katespencer)

nicolerichie.jpgKatie Holmes Only Answers Easy Questions
It’s not that she’s avoiding those Scientology questions, it’s just that it’s pretty hard to explain how she became pregnant with the sperm of a dead dude. Check out video of Katie talking like a zombie on Good Morning America HERE.? [NYP]

Joel Madden Blogs About Baby
The new dad proudly reveals on his website that his new daughter “looks so much like her mom its crazy!” Ah right, because they both once weighed 7 pounds.? [Us]

OMG! High School Musical 3 Is Happening!
The whole cast is back! It’s a feature film! Tween freakout!!! [People]

Eva?s Not Jumping on the Baby Bandwagon

Nope, she’s just gained ten pounds from eating so much while on strike. Finally, someone sets a good example in Hollywood.? [People]

Ex-Manager Calls J. Lo “Unprofessional”
It’s a dumping whodunnit – J. Lo claims she gave her manager the boot on Friday, but his people dissed her and called her hubby “meddling.” Let’s just assume they’re all annoying and call it a day.? [NYDN]

Akon Wants To Be Startin’ Somethin’

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Akon, the buff African-American superstar with the dulcet voice and penchant for, uh, escalating interactions between artist and audience, had the privilege of duetting with the Gloved One on “Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’” for Thriller 25, the anniversary edition of Michael Jackson‘s storied album. The record won’t be out until February 12th, but we’re streaming that track for you, here and now. And since we’ve had the privilege of listening to it, let’s just say that it’s a real duet, not one of those that stop with backing vocals added to the chorus. Between this and Rihanna‘s “Don’t Stop the Music,” the lyrics “Mama-se, mama-sa, ma-ma-koo-sa” have rarely had so much exposure.

Brit’s Too Busy (Doing Nothing) For Court

by (@katespencer)

britneyspearscustody0114.jpgIt’s currently 3:30 PM here on the east coast (that’s 12:30 PM for you left coasters) and Britney Spears has to yet show up for her court date, which was scheduled to start today at 9:30 AM PST. Surely Sean and Jayden aren’t that surprised. Those kids know how to say only two things: “mama” and “no show.” But their hero of a daddy, complete with his new mohawk hairdo straight from 2002, arrived at court 30 minutes early at 9 AM, looking all dapper in a suit. Rumors has it that Britney will make an appearance at 1PM, but word on the virtual street is that the singer has yet to leave her house for her court appearance. And seeing as we regular folk know that the custody of her kids is on the line here, even she’s gotta understand the importance of today’s hearing.

Brit was out all weekend with her boyrazzi and even screamed and swore at the photogs stalking her in a British accent outside of a Macy’s department store. Just last night the pair hit up a CVS at 1am, only 8 hours before she was supposed to be at court. We highly doubt that her absence (or at best, a very late appearance) signals that she doesn’t love her kids. Britney doesn’t like being told what to do – and it’s obvious that she considers her right to be the boss of the world more important than the custody of her children. And honestly, isn’t that a good thing for Sean, Jayden, and their future therapy bills?

Update, 3:53 PM: Britney’s left her house!

Baseball’s Steroid Scandal Spills Into Rap

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50cent.jpgSteroids are celebrity poison. After a protracted investigation last year into performance-enhancing drugs’ presence in Major League Baseball, and Marion Jones‘ confession last fall that she had a little help from some pharmaceutical friends, authorities are looking at the world of rap and R&B. A new report alleges steroid use by several entertainers, including 50 Cent, Mary J. Blige, Timbaland, Wyclef Jean and Tyler Perry. (Blige’s spokesperson denies the accusation; Perry’s representation refused to comment.) What, if anything, this has to do with the price of tea in China is unclear: Officials say that none of the celebrities have broken the law, and that for now, they’re focusing on the doctors who are prescribing the drugs, not the already beleaguered music industry. Besides, unless we’ve been misled, ‘roids don’t help you rap. And if this story’s true, they apparently don’t help you win a fake record-selling battle with Kanye West trumped up for press on September 11th, either. Here are some sweet portraits of the artists in their buff mode.

In other, sort of related news: NBC has been randomly testing the cast members of the network’s hit show American Gladiators in an effort to avoid just this sort of thing. In made-up, totally fake news: the WWE saw the story in this morning’s New York Post, went home and Soloflexed the tears away shortly before putting its fingers in its ears and throwing out its television set.