Lindsay Lohan’s 84-Minute Jail Stint

by (@katespencer)

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Wow what a difference 5 months, a new hair color, and thousands of dollars worth of rehab can make! Lindsay Lohan snuck into jail yesterday to complete her required 1 day sentence. She got there at 10:30 AM and was out by 11:54 AM, making her stint in jail a whole lot shorter than Paris’! The sheriff’s spokesman said, “She was nice and cooperative. Everything was fine.? Fine like – her lips look bigger, her hair is a more strawberryish blonde, her eye makeup is poppin’, and she was totally rockin’ her new hot ‘I love scarves’ look. She just looks way more down with being behind bars, doesn’t she? Everything is definitely fine with LiLo. [Booking Photos]

Amy Winehouse: Beehive Full of Drugs?

by (@katespencer)

Not to quote Fox News or anything, but this is one of those ‘we report, you decide’ kind of moments. What we’re reporting is this here video above, of the world’s greatest train wreck (sorry Britney), Amy Winehouse, performing in concert in Zurich on October 25th. She appears to be fiddling around with her beehive for a while when she’s supposed to be singing the Toots and the Maytals song “Monkey Man.” It then looks like she hides something in her sleeve, lifts her hand to her nose and does something that looks a lot like snorting. Give it a watch and let us know what you think – is she storing coke up in that massive beehive, or just some tissues for a stuffy nose? Given the fact that her tour manager just quit because he was supposedly getting a contact high (that showed up in his bloodstream) from all the heroin smoked on Winehouse’s tour bus, we are quick to assume the former.

John Mayer Is Owning His Douchiness

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john_mayer_douche.jpg John Mayer has discovered what the rest of the world has known for years: he is a douchebag. John recently took to the Internet to bone up on himself (a douchey thing to do in itself) and the results were of profound self-discovery: “I’m kind of a douchebag. I got a little sick of myself…I’m insufferable,” he reports.

Of course, admitting that you’re a douchebag is a wholly non-douchey thing to do: self-awareness and douchebaggery cannot exist side-by-side. And so, by admitting this, John Mayer is more or less no longer a douchebag. Curses! Foiled again. [TMZ.com]

Friday: Britney’s Lips are Red and Nasty

by (@katespencer)

britney-1116.jpgLauren Speaks : ?The Hills Is Real?
Don’t worry Lauren, as long as you keep fighting with Heidi we’ll watch no matter what. [Us]

Britney?s Got Big Botched Lips
Britney Spears has become a walking example of what happens when lip injections – and life – go bad. [TMZ]

Lance Denies Love for Olsen Twin
The biking star comes forward to officially clear up the air about his Olsen makeout sessions. Eh, we still believe the rumors. [Us]

Kanye Mourns Mom from London
Funeral Arrangements have been made for a memorial service as Kanye tries to mourn privately in London. [Us]

Spice Girls Back On Stage
Ten-years older, but just as sexy. Oh yeah – and still lipsyncing. Gotta make it last forever somehow! [People]

Sean Connery Knocked Boots at 8-Years Old

by (@katespencer)

seanconnery.jpgNo, that guy is not my grandfather. It’s the Scottish sultan of sex, Sean Connery. Young’ins might not be familiar with his fine acting resume, but he’s best known as the original James Bond and the dude who first said “You’re the man now, dog.” Also, he’s damn sexy at just about every age. Which explains why it’s totally plausible that Sean lost his virginity at the age of eight, which is alleged in the new book “Where Do Nudists Keep Their Hankies?” Connery actually admits it, saying “I was 8, but I can’t recall with whom.” Spoken like a true aging pimp. You’re still the man, old dawg.

To give you a little perspective on what age group we’re talking about, we’ve outlined a few stars of Young Hollywood and matched them with older celebs who lost it at their age. Try not to gag. [Images: Getty/CBS]

11-dakona-elle-fanning.jpgHey, it’s Dakota Fanning, 13 going on 14, and her lil sis Elle, age 9! Boning at Dakota’s age: Clint Eastwood, David Duchovny, Bruce Willis. Judging from the fact that these girls won’t be hot for another ten years, this feels fairly wrong.

22-abigailbreslin.jpgAbigail Breslin, of Little Miss Sunshine fame, is so fresh-faced and adorable right? She’ll be 12 in April, which is when Don Johnson got his first taste of the lady snacks! The still-sexy Johnny Depp and Jon Bon Jovi went for it at 13.

33-jadensmith.jpgIt’s Will Smith‘s mini-me, son Jaden! The Pursuit of Happyness starling clocks in at 9 years, so he’s OLDER than Sean Connery was for his first time. Something is really starting to feel wrong about all this! Let’s see what 8-year olds we can dig up here…

44-jimmy.jpgBut of course – little Jimmy from Kid Nation! The adorable munchkin stole our cold hearts on the premiere of that borderline abusive show, but our love was cut short when he wailed, bailed and went home. The reason – homesickness, cuz ya know, the kid’s 8-years old. Gross Connery. Real gross.

Britney Loves the Sound of Toes Crunching

by (@katespencer)

Chris Crocker was right about leaving Britney alone. But it’s not because she’s a victim and needs some space; rather it’s because she’ll turn your feet into gravel with her car tires. Britney was out last night pulling into the Four Seasons hotel in Los Angeles, when one photographer refused to heed the warnings of “Back off the drive! “As Brit rolled along, his foot managed to get wedged under her tire as he snapped pics and she drove right over that mess. You can tell in the vid that Britney is freaked out and can barely see, so it’s no wonder someone got hurt. The guy was later spotted showing off some sort of cast like contraption, but we can’t really feel that bad for him. Britney may be a bad driver (among other things), but this is one situation in which she’s actually not to blame. Now if she can only fix all that stuff with her lips drugs kids – er, everything. [Popdirt]

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Mary Love

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mary_j_blige_on_gay_fans.jpgThe gays love Mary J. Blige and Mary loves the gays, the diva reveals in the upcoming issue of The Advocate. “I?ve never been a judgmental person because I have been through so much hell myself,” says the no-more-drama queen. However, she reserves no judgment for her hip-hop peers who don’t share her tolerant point of view. On homophobia in hip-hop, Mary says:

I?ve heard a couple of guys say foul things, and those guys are not around me anymore because when they say things like that, I?m looking at them like, What makes you so scared? You don?t know who you are? I guess it all boils down to them not being sure about themselves and what they wanna do, whoever that is. I won?t say any names. And I don?t dislike them or anything?it just makes me wonder about them period. ?Cause if you?re not sure about that, then you ain?t sure about a lotta things!

Watch out, homophobes: hell has no wrath like Mary scorned. She may act demure now, but you can tell by listening to her old music that she is not afraid to get ugly on you. [The Advocate via Towleroad / Image: Getty]

Amy Crumbles: “Wait Til My Husband Gets Out”

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amy_winehouseRecently rehabbed Amy Winehouse is back onstage, but during the inaugural show of her 17-date tour, the bee-hived belter lost it — slurring her speech, threatening the audience and knocking into equipment. After appearing on stage 30 minutes late, the rehab-averse singer dedicated several songs to her recently incarcerated husband, Blake Fielder-Civil. When the audience tired of her constant references to Fielder-Civil (she changed “baby” to “Blakey” in some songs), Winehouse then addressed the audience as “monkey c*nts” and said, “Just wait till my husband gets out of incarceration. And I mean that.” Reviews from the show state that Winehouse forgot several lyrics to her songs and spent much of the time crying. British tabloid The Sun has the disastrous footage of the U.K.’s Britney Spears.

Trampled Under Foot: Zep?s Hidden Gems

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Certain Led Zeppelin tunes are played to death, and others languish in the background. Here are 10 that deserve to be spun a bit more often then they usually are. Whether you’re making a last ditch attempt to win tickets to the band’s reunion show, or getting psyched for next Tuesday’s DVD release of The Song Remains the Same, or hanging out watching earth-shaking videos, you should get familiar with the following 10 tunes. By the way, which Zep track do you think deserves more dap?

1. Black Mountain Side
This acoustic ditty from the band’s first album vibes like a jukebox raga, illustrating Jimmy Page?s other interest besides the blues: Celtic folk tunes. Played by Bert Jansch, the endlessly rippling tune was called ?Blackwaterside.?

2. Living Loving Maid
We all know that the band liked to stretch the hell out of its songs ? melodrama was its middle name. But for every ?Dazed and Confused? there was a compact ass-kicker. The first album had ?Communication Breakdown.? On the second, it?s this nugget.

3. Celebration Day
It?s the giddy side of the blues, with Plant singing the praises of New York street scenes and Page working the slide guitar like it was his own private joystick. Good helium vocals by the blond god on this III track.

Read more…

Natalie Portman Botches Soulja Boy Dance

by (@katespencer)

Natalie Portman: so sweet, so cute, so painfully awkward! Here she is on TRL, promoting her new movie when suddenly she gets thrown into learning the Soulja Boy dance with Soulja Boy as teacher, natch. Natalie’s a good sport about it, even if she can’t quite get her little legs to move though. At she looked awesome while flopping around on-stage attempting to do the superman. White dress and red shoes? Perfection! [MTV]

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