Actress, addict, and leggings-lover Lindsay Lohan is desperate to write a memoir about growing up Hollywood,. because after three rehab stints and a lot of crappy extensions, she’s apparently in dire need of some cash. The story would supposedly be modeled after Drew Barrymore‘s early 90′s tell-all Little Girl Lost, and we are oh-so desperate to read it. Luckily we’ve crafted a little sneak peak to satiate our hunger for her not-yet written auto-trash-ography. Enjoy.
Wilmer Valderama was like, the best boyfriend ever. The relationship was kind of illegal because of our age difference, but my mom was totally cool with it. She was all, “It’ll help your career if you date the guy from That 70′s Show!” And I was all, “Okay cool, well I already dated Aaron Carter, and that didn’t get me a record deal.” It just proved that she’s a great manager, because she was totally right – I definitely landed my part in Herbie: Fully Loaded thanks to my relash with Wilmer. People love kid movies that star salacious teenagers! My mom also totally didn’t care that Wilms was like, 48-years old or whatever. And he was so fun to date; we used to like, laugh all the time about other people together. He was cool when I wanted to watch cartoons and I was cool with him doing his character from That 70s Show constantly. When we broke up I sought solace into the only pair of arms that could hold me: Nicole Richie. Well, actually, she couldn’t hold me, but it didn’t matter because she was so awesomely skinny – and so awesomely connected to the dark side. Not Scientology, I mean the OTHER dark side. Well, technically it’s white, so maybe it should be called the white and powdery side. I’m confused. Ugh, how much more of this thing do I have to write? 200 pages? That’s insane! You better read this whole thing, reader. I could totally find you and kick your ass – I’m a celebrity AND I’m from Long Island, jerks!!!!!!
Wait, am I writing a text message or my book? Oh. I probably shouldn’t be doing this on my Blackberry, huh. And now, on to the next chapter, How to Get Super Skinny After Being Hospitalized for an Asthma Attack.
Have we got a treat for you: a full day before VH1 airs Christina Aguilera‘s action-packed Back to Basics live concert (complete with 10 costume changes, stilt-walking dancers and 820 pounds of confetti), we’re giving you a taste of what to expect. In the above clip, the Lady in White tears up the stage with her performance of “Ain’t No Other Man.” “I don’t think it would be fair to my audience to just sit on the stage with a mic,” Aguilera told us before her tour kicked off last February. Tune in to VH1 tomorrow at 10 pm to get the total Christina experience.
Christina Aguilera Artist Page
Watch all of her music videos & interviews in Box Set!
Hey Chris Brown, what do you think you’re doing dating Rihanna? Sure, she’s hot and all, but we thought you were totally into your much-older manager! Have you forgotten all about that sexy, totally inappropriate love affair? We loved the X-Rated you! But now you’ve been spotted taking your crush Rihanna on a cutesy date to a New Jersey restaurant after a recent performance. It’s just so predticable, so tame, so G-Rated. At least spice it up by dating someone a little less wholesome. Britney Spears is single, older and totally f*ckin’ crazy! Or what about starting up a long-distance love affair with Foxy Brown while she’s in jail? That’s the Chris Brown we want to know.
Jessica Balks at Break Up Rumors
Simpson is suing the mag that claimed Tony Romo is desperate to dump her, which only makes her seem that much more annoying. [TMZ]
Brit?s Bud Sam Lufti Grilled in Deposition
K-Fed’s lawyers went after Brit’s sidekick Sam, attempting to discover what Britney drinks, thinks and does all day long. Try: vodka, little and nothing.? [TMZ]
Angelina Knocked Up with Twins?
Brangelina is well on their way to creating their own country of adorable, well-dressed kids.? [Star]
Ledger Family?s Last Messages to Heath
The Aussie fam left their son/brother heartbreaking messages in their local Aussie paper. Read them and weep.? [Us]
Heidi & Spencer: Paid for Paparazzi Shots?
The most hated couple from The Hills has a not-so-secret deal with a photo agency that pays them cash for all those posed shots.? [Jossip]
We love John Mayer‘s blog (okay and maybe his first album, too) and were truly saddened to discover that Mr. Mayer had a little freak out and deleted his entire web-wonderland. No more comedy videos, self-aware posts about his own douche-baggery, or rants defending Jessica Simpson against the people of Texas. No more Mayer being Mayer. The singer-songwriter broke up with us in one single post, declaring in large font: “Done & Dusted & Self-Conscious & Back to Work.” Underneath, he blogged, “There is danger in theoretical speculation of battle, in prejudice, in false reasoning, in pride, in braggadocio. There is one safe resource, the return to nature…”
Okay we get it, he’s being all thoughtful and is now returning to his nature, the guitar. We’re not totally dumb (though we don’t get his link to that vortex message board post), but we are totally disappointed. RIP sassy John Mayer blog.
Go Amy go Amy go! The crack-pipe toting singer has checked herself into rehab again, and hopefully this time things will click. Her record label released the following statement today: “Amy decided to enter the facility today after talks with her record label, management, family and doctors. She has come to understand that she requires specialist treatment to continue her ongoing recovery from drug addiction.”
Good for her. [Us]
Auditions: Charleston, SC
American Idol Day 4 took us to the fabled South, where the talented and talentless were on view in equal measure. Hoping for a chance to head west, 10,000 people flooded Charleston. The contestants there put their faith in gimmicks, perhaps more so than any other city thus far. Some were successful. Some were not. Let?s take a look:
Lindsay?s Coke Dealer Speaks
Apparently Linds called the guy looking for some blow after rehab. So he’s just telling us what we already know? [NYDN]
Britney?s Kids Can Forget About Mom Time
The judge is Britney’s case continues K-Fed’s sole custody, protecting the Feder-kids from their bra-less mom for a few more weeks. [Us]
Sandler Sticks up for Tom Cruise
The “funny” guy is mad at people for mocking his pal. Er, isn’t that what Adam does to make his millions (Chuck and Larry, anyone)? [People]
Tony Can?t Kick Jessica to the Curb
The guy should know you don’t mess with a girl from Texas, especially one who’s desperate for love. [DListed]
Joel Madden: Baby Obsessed
Blah, blah, blah, the baby and life are beautiful and amazing and everything is a blessing blah, blah, blagh. [People]
Yesterday, Def Jam honcho L.A. Reid invited a group of journalists into his office to play tracks from Janet Jackson’s upcoming album Discipline (due out Feb. 26). Janet fans worried that the absence of Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis (her longtime producers who’ve been shaping her sound since 1986′s Control) should fear not: the combination of pillowy, multi-tracked harmonies and virtually non-stop dance tracks results in an album that out-Janets Janet. Easily her most dance-oriented album since Rhythm Nation 1814 (and possibly her most dance-oriented album ever), Discipline is the album so many fans have been waiting for. Below are our impressions of the nine tracks Reid played: