Tuesday: No Nicotine for Nicole Richie

by (@katespencer)

nicole-richie-1030.jpgKid Rock Cleared in VMA Fight
Phew – now all the singer has to worry about is the charges from that pesky Waffle House beatdown. [People]

Nicole Richie Negs Smoking Rumor
It was alleged that the starlet was spotted smoking in NYC, but her rep reports that Nic is is nowhere near the east coast. Better take it back before Joel kicks some ass! [Us]

Britney Causes Late-Night Craziness
The singer and her gal pal Alli get pulled over last night and all hell breaks loose – including some drunk dancing on the side of the road. Amazingly, Brit was not the booty shaker – this time. [TMZ]

Did Barack Obama Diss Brad Pitt?

The presidential candidate may have rejected Pitt after the actor offered his endorsement services to Obama’s campaign. Finally – someone who’s not been bitten by the Brangelina bug. [NYDN]

Lindsay Looks Hot for AA Meeting
She looks like she’s going clubbing, but instead she’s sexing up an LA medical Center at her AA meeting. The 12 steps never looked so good (and tan). [x17]

Thin Man Moves On: RIP Porter Wagoner

by

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Country music fans know that it’s one of life’s great pleasures to hear Porter Wagoner bounce his way through a shuffle or crawl his way through a ballad. The lanky singer, who died yesterday in Nashville at the age of 80, could be a chilling vocalist regardless of of the style. Wagoner is known for being one of the most dapper entertainers in country music – onstage he often sported one of the exotic suits designed by the famed designer Nudie Cohen. He’s also the bandleader who brought Dolly Parton out of Eastern Tennessee obscurity in the late ’60s. Earlier this year, after a lifetime of hits, he cut a gorgeous new disc of hardcore country tunes; it was produced by Marty Stewart, shown with Porter in the picture above.

T.I. Free: Farrakahn Screams “Set Up”

by (@katespencer)

ti-102907.jpgRapper and assault weapons lover T.I. is back home after posting $3 million in bail – $2 million of it in cash! You could make a fort out of all those dollar bills. All T.I. could say as he left the courthouse on Friday was, “Due to the severity of the situation, I can’t say much more.” It’s a good thing we can! The rapper is now stuck at home and can’t leave except for medical and court appointments, and the only other people who can live with him are his kids and girlfriend. What the hell are they going to do together for all that time? One fun game is to debate whether or not the current gun charges are all just a “set up.” According to Louis Farrakhan that’s exactly what’s happening to the star, and he’s also hypothesized that Little Wayne is next on the chopping block. You never know – we’ve heard crazier stuff before. Maybe T.I. just thought he was heading to buy some bootleg DVDs – not a bunch of machine guns and silencers.

Are you down with the set up theory or do you think T.I. was gun hungry? [Yahoo. Image: Getty]

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Prince Goes Crazy Over Home Video

by (@katespencer)

By all accounts this kid appears to be just another adorable baby internet star who loves doing cute things like jamming to Prince while pushing a stroller on tape. Turns out he’s at the heart of a music copyright controversy after The Artist Currently Known as Lame freaked out and had his music label force YouTube to take down all videos featuring his tunes. Stephanie Lenz, mother of the little guy in question, fought back – and got her video (which had only been viewed by twenty-eight people when it was removed in June) back on the web, and she’s now suing Universal Music Publishing Group, Prince’s label. Apparently the tiny singer “scours the Internet” searching for videos that use his music, and Lenz’s clip was one of many that Prince personally requested to be taken down. Doesn’t this guy have better things to do? Perhaps a sequel to Purple Rain or a romp in the millions of dollars that he surely keeps stocked in the pool in his backyard? [ABC News]

Court Makes Britney Crave Drugs & Sex

by (@katespencer)

britney-spears_1029.jpg“Eat it, lick it, snort it, f*ck it.” Those are the words of Britney Spears, who hooted the tasteful statement at reporters on Friday when asked in the courthouse how her custody hearing was going. Her provocative response offered great insight into how she’s doing — you just need to dig a little deeper into her words to understand her thoughts. Here’s what Brit was trying to tell us:

Eat it: Ohhhhh — we get it. The singer is pissed off at K-Fed’s girlfriend for revealing that her ex freaked when she would guzzle vodka drinks and then breastfeed their boys. Alcohol has nutrients, ya’ll! She was just trying to keep those kids healthy.

Lick it: Britney has a new boy toy — football star Tony Romo — and she wanted us to know what kind of kinky things they may or may not be up too! The two hung out and partied together Friday night after her hearing, toasting Britney’s earlier tears.

Snort it: No, she’s not talking about cocaine! She’d be like, wayyy more obvious about it if she was. She’s trying to tell us how much she was crying during her court hearing on Friday — and not because she may not get her kids back. Brit was just upset that no matter what she did, she couldn’t get her hair and sunglasses to look good!

F*ck it: In this case, Britney means what she says. Eff this crap with her kids — she just wants to party! Chances are when the judge’s ruling comes back this week (presumably in favor of the Fedster), she’ll finally get a chance to celebrate her new life as a single woman. Baby bottles of vodka for everyone! [Image: Getty]

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Monday: Oprah Sorry About Sex Scandal

by (@katespencer)

oprah-winfrey_1029.jpgOprah Apologizes for School Scandal
The media queen feels so awful about the abuse scandal at her South African school that she’s given students her personal phone, email and mailing addresses. Score! [NYDN]

Paris: Skanky & Scary for Halloween
Paris flaunts her ass cheeks for a costume party. It’s the scariest sight of the night! [DListed]

Video: Britney Mobbed at Courthouse
The sketchy starlet gets swarmed as she leaves her custody hearing. We can’t help but feel that she kinda deserves it. [x17]

Jake & Reese: Costumed Cuteness
We admit it – they’re a cute couple, especially when we can’t see their oh-so-perfect faces. [DListed]

Ellen?s Dog Drama Gets Stupid
Do we really give a s**t about Ellen’s dog bowls? Someone put this story to sleep. [NYP]

Idol Rocks & Twangs & Phunks & Swings

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Part of the fun of watching last Friday’s first installment of The Next Great American Band was seeing just how many oddball outfits were allowed to be seen on this initial “clearing the corn” episode – you know, the cattle call show where they trot out all the wacko groups that didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of making it through the first round in the Vegas desert.

Middle-aged nimrod doo-woppers from Nowhereseville, big band jazz boys from Nerd Town, mask-wearing, Cookie Monster-growling Slipknot/GWAR imitators, ersatz Blue Man Group artistes who pummeled the trash cans they were wearing, bar-band blues boys that strutted their Stevie Ray fetishes, a Georgia foursome that came off like an emo Blue Oyster Cult, and, of course, the Afro’d Caucasion yelper of Big Provider, who launched into a ditty with the lyrics, “five, four, three, two, and one/it’s all fun from here/if you doubt that for a second/the good times will disappear!”

Yes, it’s brought you by the American Idol folks.

Those, of course, are not the “ensembles” that Johnny Rzeznik, Sheila E, and the Australian Simon Cowell guy will be judging tonight. Those are the bands that went home to tell the wives and daughters that daddy effed it up again (cue poignant farewell footage). The list of the musicians who will make their stand on the show is as follows:

The Clark Brothers (Nashville twang prodigy sibs who started when they were Smurf fans.)

Cliff Wagner and the Old No. 7 (very impressive bluegrass bar band from San Pedro who dropped “Like a Virgin” on the judges.)

Denver and the Mile High Orchestra (jump-swing-groove rubes who are quite sure they know who’s going to win the World Series – ‘cept they’re wrong.)

Read more…

The Weekly Wrap Up: Halle’s Hot, Tommy’s Rude & Heidi Just Wants to Be a Star

by (@katespencer)

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Brit & K-Fed Doin’ the Nasty in Court Today

by (@katespencer)

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In one corner, weighing the same as 657 cans of Sugar Free Redbull and 17 packs of Kools, is “living legend” Britney Spears! In the other corner, decked out in a brand new, 5 carat pair of cubic zirconia stud earrings, Kevin “Socks with Flops” Federline! Ladies and gentlemen, let the greatest, trashiest custody battle/slug fest of the century begin!

Game Day Breakdown

Start Time: 3 PM. EST today – complete with live streaming video of all the courthouse action!
Location: Los Angeles Superior Court – which is on lockdown.
Surprise Plays: K-Fed and his lawyers have already asked that Britney’s deposition be taped, as she was apparently a real wise-ass during her last appearance in court.
Expected Winner: Federline is looking good – and we already have seen him making winning moves in the past (remember that nice one he pulled marrying a vulnerable, naive millionaire and then snagging all her dough?). But Britney could wow the judge with her revamped parenting skills – just yesterday she took her kids to a pumpkin patch, and she didn’t drive away without them! She also purchased a new swing set – though it could always be for her and not her babies.

GAME ON!

Britney & Lindsay’s Moms Hog the Spotlight

by (@katespencer)

lynne-dina.jpgWanna know why Lindsay and Britney are all sorts of effed up? Look no further than the ladies that popped ‘em out. Dina Lohan and Lynne Spears both seem to prefer spending time focusing the spotlight on themselves than helping their kids. And this is why we LOVE them! Because really, can we ever have too many trashy ladies in our life? Even though Lindsay may be hiding out from the paparazzi for the first time in her life, Dina is busy mom-ing for the cameras for her new – what elsereality show! Dina will surely ruin her younger daughter Ali’s life by forcing her to star in it, but her reasons for the sure-to-be flop are true and genuine. ?There are so many misconceptions about me and my family,? Mama Lohan said. ?I?m setting the record straight.? Roughly translated, she means “Money money money money money fame money I’m jealous of Lindsay money money.”

Meanwhile the woman who soiled the world with her Spears spawn is set to write a tell-all book about her “personal story of raising high-profile children while coming from a low-profile Louisiana community.” Will Lynne detail how she enabled one of them to become a coked up divorcee and mom of two by the age of 25? We can only hope! That’s some seriously high-profile shizz!? [Getty]