Paris Hilton Dumbs Down China

by (@katespencer)

parishilton-1126.jpgThis Thanksgiving I gave thanks to Paris Hilton, for being beautiful, sure; but mostly just for being wonderfully stupid. Yes friends, that dead turkey you deep-fried and devoured last Thursday has more brain power than our rich, perfume-hawking princess, and she wants the whole world to know! Paris was in China doing whatever it is that she does for that job of hers (posing, smiling, spending, and swapping fluids with dudes, probably) and was blown away by the stylistic modernity of Shanghai. “Shanghai looks like the future!” she declared of her surroundings, which was, at the time, a Hyatt Hotel where her press conference was being held.

Ladies and gentlemen, Paris Hilton has seen the future and it’s full of polyester, neon lighting, and crappy framed photographs of world landmarks. But rest assured – there will be sleep number beds for all! [Ok! Images: Getty]

Check out more pics below of Paris partying, sightseeing and clutching a stuffed panda bear while roaming the streets in China.

More Driving Don’ts from Britney Spears

by (@katespencer)

If we told you that Britney ran a stop sign, would you be surprised? How about three stop signs – in a row? Still not surprised, right? Yeah, neither are we. But what’s even less surprising is that there’s video of her dumb driving, and we’ve got it for you above! Because you know that whatever Britney does, it must be documented on tape. Britney waxes her moustache? On tape. Britney clogs the toilet? Gotta film that! No matter how small the dirty deed, regardless of how boring it is, it must be captured for the masses to see! Because as we all know, she does everything wrong. You think her driving is bad? You should see the girl sleep. And at the rate the paparazzi is going, we will, soon. [via Us Weekly]

Pete Defends Ash from Band of Nobodies

by

pete_wentz_ashlee_simpsonThere’s a lot of negative inspiration a band could draw upon to write a nasty song about Ashlee Simpson: the nose, the creepy dad, the bizarre sister. California rock outfit Neurosonic selected Ashlee as their muse for an entirely different reason — her botched 2004 Saturday Night Live appearance and her Billboard award [Ed: WTF?]. The band penned “So Many People” in her honor (Sample lyric: “Am I the only one feeling the itch because they’re giving away the Billboard to some phoney little…”), and while all 280,000 of their MySpace friends might be into it, one person is definitely not.

Whereas in the past overprotective Papa Joe may have gotten involved, boyfriend Pete Wentz went ahead and sent a cease and desist letter to the band, requesting they refrain from playing the song. This Saturday, the band openly ignored the legal order at their New York City show, playing the song, and inviting the crowd to do a jig in the disgraced pop star’s honor.

NGAB: Bye-Bye Bluegrass, Hello Satan

by

nextgreatband.jpg

We?ll never get to hear the banjo?d-out version of ?No Expectations? or ?Honky Tonk Women? or whatever Stones song Cliff Wagner & the Old #7 were plotting before they got deep-sixed last Friday night. Americans with money and phones have voted, and bluegrass ain?t part of Next Great American Band?s agenda.

That?s okay, it?s a pop and rock world we live in, especially when you?re selling blocks of commercial time in a talent contest, so we?re now down to six outfits that are going to take us through the start of ’08. I?ve still got my fingers crossed for Tres Bien, who did the shimmy-shimmy-shake on ?Get Off My Cloud? (with a ?Satisfaction? guitar riff thrown in for you dudes who miss mash-ups) and conjured a vibe out of That Thing You Do.

All in all, it was a surprisingly fun romp through the Jagger-Richards songbook, with no one ? except for the big-band nimrods ? embarrassing themselves. The metal rugrats should have told Dicko to sticko and come out sans shirts for their ?Jumping Jack Flash? romp. Something very odd about seeing an 11-year-old from the San Diego suburbs singing that he was ?born in a cross-fire hurricane,? but the Light of Doom kid swings his hair around really well; I believed him for a sec or two. And the praying pickers in the Clark Brothers summoned the dangers of the devil quite convincingly with their judge-pleasing ?Gimme Shelter.?

Read more…

Monday: Nobody Puts Oprah in a Corner

by (@katespencer)

oprah-1127.jpgOprah?s Enemies Try to Ruin Her Rep
Some weirdo is trying to trash Queen O with an expose book about alleged discrimination at her production company. We smell an Oprah’s Book Club pick! [NYP]

Did Paris Sell Out Pal Nicole?
Someone is trying to sneakily sell pics of Nicole’s baby shower (of which In Style has the exclusive pic rights) to the tabs that feature a certain blonde someone in the center of every image. BFF can also stand for Bad Friend Forever, apparently. [NYDN]

The Spice Girls Get Hacked
Someone broke into the Girls’ website and posted a message announcing the cancellation of the show. Surely the culprit deserves to be slammed down and zigazig-ahhhhed for this crime. [People]

Lohans Battle at Family Therapy
It is so nice to see that everyone’s Thanksgivings are wonderfully dysfunctional. Nothing goes with pumpkin pie quite like a group counseling session! [X17]

Britney Spends Thanksgiving Shopping
The singer just HAD to go to the Virgin Megastore on Thanksgiving to buy a CD and a movie. Think she was trying to boast sales of her own album flop? [Us]

Celebrities Talk Turkey

by

Happy Thanksgiving folks. As a Turkey Day treat, we’re presenting you with this special report from VH1 News and Red Hot Red Carpet. In it, our peerless reporters get to the bottom of Thanksgiving traditions — celebrity traditions, that is. Want to know how Heidi Klum bastes her bird? Bet you didn’t think Christina Ricci knew how to eat turkey, much less cook one. Diane Sawyer likes to play games at her table. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Jessica Simpson needs a little help with her feast preparation. Common is a big mumbler, so we can’t tell you what his Thanksgiving is all about. But our favorite response is from actress Kerry Washington. When asked about her special cooking skills, she replied, “I make a really good reservation.” Spoken like a true superstar.

Brit Wants to Catch K-Fed Behaving Badly

by (@katespencer)

britney-spears-1121.jpgFinally this divorce is gonna turn into a fun little game of Gotcha! Along with her private investigator (our guess is that this is just cousin-assistant Alli Sims in a Sherlock Holmes hat and pipe), BritBrit is attempting to bust K-Fed doing something dumb. Kevin’s attorney wasn’t fazed by the singer’s latest attempt at couple’s war, stating that he didn’t think her snooping would be “a good expenditure of funds.” But this is Britney Spears we’re talking about! The girl is made of funds. And so what if the Kev’s counselor isn’t freaked? We still like to imagine what dirty business Britney might find goin’ down at Chez Federline:

  • Kevin likes to dance around in his underwear to – gasp! - Christina Aguilera.
  • Sean Preston and Jayden James are fed Cheez-Its and Ginger Ale instead of Cheetos and Diet Coke.
  • K-Fed invited Justin Timberlake over for a sleepover where they ate pizza, prank called Britney and learned the entire dance routine to “I’m a Slave 4 U.”
  • Her ex has a weekly hang session with his bros where they smoke some of the green stuff, drink 40′s, and watch The Bachelor.
  • Kevin stops at red lights and only makes left hand turns when the stoplight is green - amazing!

Donda West’s Surgeon Speaks (Not)

by

jan_adams.jpg

Dr. Jan Adams, the doctor who operated on Kanye West‘s mother Donda the day before she died, appeared on Larry King Live last night…for about a minute and a half. He’d been slated as the night’s guest, and was set to seize the opportunity to clear up what he claims are press-spun inaccuracies. But after being booked, the doctor was asked by the West family not to appear on the show. Adams explained:

They are my side, and I’m going to respect their wishes. I’m going to apologize to you because I think I’m taking up your air time, but I will not be on the show and I’m not going to discuss any of that. I’m going to honor their wishes, OK?

Soon after, he unclipped his mic and left. As if this case needed any help in its weirdness, Dr. Jan Adams just saw it and raised it a pile of attitude. Work it out.

You can watch the clip of Jan’s appearance at CNN’s website.

Astbury Tripping or Zeppelin Fibbing?

by

plant-180?210.jpgEvery right-thinking rock fan wants Led Zeppelin to play more dates than the single reunion gig that’s caused so much ballyhoo since its announcement last month. But Robert Plant says it’s highly unlikely and Jimmy Page is uncertain. Someone should give the icons a magic eight ball. But maybe Zep fans are being fed some fibs about the likelihood of a more extensive tour. Seems that Ian Astbury, tough-guy singer for the Cult, mouthed off about his band’s opening slot on a Zeppelin 2008 tour on stage in that rock ‘n’ roll paradise, Cincinnati.

Blast the new, 5.1 surround sound version, of The Song Remains the Same until the real beans about the tour are spilled from the Zep camp.

And here are 10 tunes that don’t get enough respect from Zeppelinites.

Kanye West Bids His Mom Farewell

by (@katespencer)

The hip hop star took a break from his European tour this week to return to the States and pay tribute to his #1 fan – his mama. Donda West‘s funeral was held yesterday in Spencer, Oklahoma, at the True Vine Ministries church. Kanye broke down as he stood in front of the gathered crowd – which included Jay Z, Beyonce, Erykah Badu and Pharell Williams – and spoke a few short words about his mom. The rapper said that he was addressing them because his mom would have urged him to “get up there,” and that he hoped she would not “rest in peace, but rest in paradise.” Anita Baker sang the song “Summertime,” while R&B star John Legend played piano. One guest commented that “it was a beautiful service.”

In the video above, Kanye pays tribute to his mother at his concert in Brussels, Belgium, on Sunday. Before bringing a woman out to sing the Journey classic “Don’t Stop Believing,” West told the crowd, “I wanna dedicate this to my mother because of the words, the lyrics … It says what she would want me to do, and that’s to not stop believing.” Awwww.