Mariah Brings Pain (And Panties?) to SNL

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You know how superstardom works – you can’t stay in one spot for more than a few minutes because you’ll get swamped with fans. Keeping the evening’s action moving is the subject of “Migrate,” the lead track from Mariah Carey‘s forthcoming E = MC2. From the the car to the club, from the party to the after-party, from after-party to the hotel – wonder what time Miss Thing goes to bed? She rolled through the tune on Saturday Night Live over the weekend, bringing out T-Pain to help with a little contrast. She wore pants to sing this ditty.

On the show’s other performance, she wore one of those patented Mariah micro minis that reveals all that gorgeous Carey real estate. Actually, there are some thong-lovers who say our girl revealed a bit more than that. She was singing a tune call “Touch My Body.” Mariah would never pull a Britney on TV would she? Watch the “Body” clip after the jump.

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Monday: Halle Berry’s a Baby Mama

by (@katespencer)

halle-mama.jpgHalle Berry Welcomes Baby Girl
Another adorable child is about to takeover Hollywood. Shiloh should be very scared.? [TMZ]

Sam Lutfi Still Not Allowed Near Brit
The creepy hanger-on has been ordered to steer clear of Brit for another 30 days. Big sigh of relief!? [TMZ]

Is Madonna Dumping Guy in 18 Months?
Madge apparently has an elaborate plan to announce her divorce and move back to NYC in 18 months, when he career can handle the split.? [ShowbizSpy]

Eminem Working on New Bod, Album
The rapper might be makin’ a skinny comeback. Slim Shady, indeed!? [NYP]

Lindsay Blabs About her Druggy Past
LiLo loves to talk about how she’s changed since her trio of rehab stints, but we don’t really notice a difference.

Snoop Dogg On Stage: Tales To Tell

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He talked about cooling his heels in the living room while Doctor Dre took a boudoir trip with a female friend. He talked about growing up on the East Side of Long Beach, “where the grass is always greener.” He talked about being a kid and making his family laugh by doing the bump with his mom. And he talked about his wife thinking that “Sensual Seduction” was “weak” the first time she heard it. (Now, he added with a sly smile, “she can’t stop singing it. Heh Heh.”) Yep, Snoop Dogg lived up to the story part of his Storytellers sessions last night in Brooklyn – he’s got quite a few memories. This is going to be a good one.

The show airs on March 31, and certain tunes are going to remind fans just how agile an MC Snoop is. He had his flow on last night, especially during an update of “Lodi Dodi” from his rather classic debut disc. He made it special by kicking it with an old school master beat boxer by his side – can you guess who? Also sharp: a set closin’ romp through one of The Time‘s party anthems – can you guess which one? And our show ain’t the only TV the Doggfather’s doing. Looks like he’s dropping into the soaps and the toons, too. More about Storytellers next week. Stay close. Set list after the jump.

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The Weekly Wrap Up: Kim’s Crush, the Gov’s Call Girl & Dustin’s Dumpy Bod

by (@katespencer)

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Do the Nasty with a Plastic J. Lo

by (@katespencer)

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Radar has introduced us to the wonderful world of celebrity blow-up sex dolls, and trust us, once you see the fake goods you’ll be waving bye-bye to Paris, X-Tina and BritBrit for good! The dolls are the creation of Nick Orlandino, and through his company Pipedream Products he’s sold over 100,000 of the plastic ladies at $26.99 a pop. Check out the gallery and pic a favorite – we’re obviously addicted to the J. Lo doll – appropriate called J. Ho – both for her stunning, realistic face and that giant blown up butt (the pics are NSFW, obvs. They’re sex dolls, ya know?). [Radar]

Kim Kardashian: Famous for Stylin’

by (@katespencer)

The lady with a large butt, Ms. Kim Kardashian, has revealed that she’s desperate to give bumbling Britney Spears a makeover. “I would love, love, love to give Britney Spears a makeover,” Kim said. “I think everyone wants to give her a makeover. But I think that she is so cute and sweet and has a great style. But it’s all fallen apart and it’s a mess now. I would love to bring her back to where she used to be.”

Sure, we all want to redo Brit’s look, but what makes Kim think she’s qualified to do so? Well apparently our dark-haired diva is a STYLIST. Who knew? We thought she just sat around all day and got paid. Kim divulged her career secret as a guest on The View, after Barbara Walters bluntly asked her why she was famous and what exactly she does. Her answer – which was actually quite articulate – is above. We know what Kim wants to do, but do you think Brit would look hotter with long dark hair, loads of makeup, and decked out in an ultra tight dress?

Friday: Paris Gets Fugly for Love

by (@katespencer)

paris-benji-0314.jpgBenji and Paris: Adventures in Horrible Fashion
Paris Hilton and Benji Madden fugged it up on the streets of LA in two serious fashion don’ts. There’s nothing cuter than a couple that embraces bad outfits together! [X17]

Wanna Date Scarlett? Fork Over $40,000
A Brit bid $40 Gs to go on a date with the pretty star, with all proceeds going to Oxfam. [Us]

Britney Beloved on ?How I Met Your Mother? Set
The entire cast of the ABC show is in awe of their troubled guest star, and only had wonderful things to say about Brit. Maybe she can make some real friends, for once! [Us]

Nicole Kidman Kicks Ass to Protect Baby
Check out this vid of Nic’s bodyguard going ballistic on a paparazzi. Kinda scary, seriously awesome. [DListed]

Remy Ma?s Trial Hits a Bump
No one brought to the stand has been able to pin last summer’s shooting on the rapper. Will she walk? [NYP]

Brit”s New Video: She Looks Better Animated

by (@katespencer)

Brit couldn’t pull it together to shoot a video for “Break the Ice,” so instead she’s grabbed a cartoon, laid the track over it, and has released it as the official video. Back when Korn dropped their “Freak on a Leash” clip — almost 10 years ago — the whole animated idea was fresh and hip. Britney’s take is just stale, and it’s not just her fault! The girl can barely leave her house, much less shoot something for a couple of days. But doesn’t she pay someone, somewhere, to make these decisions for her? Oh — maybe that’s what Sam Lutfi was for. Oh well. Enjoy Britney — cartoon weave and all — above.

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American Idol: The Stripper Goes Down

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The stage is bigger, the contestants edgier, the crowd louder, the cross-promotions more brazen: It?s officially Finals Season on American Idol. Our big 12 took a crack at the Lennon/McCartney songbook this week, to such acclaim (and 29 million votes) that next week we?ll continue butchering the Beatles? legacy.

But first things first — somebody had to go home last night. After some grandstanding from an elephant-nosed Jim Carrey (Horton Hears a Who — as Ryan pointed out in one of his more incisive gestures, also a Fox venture — is the cause celebre of this season?s Idol) and a group performance of a Beatles medley (which shows, as always, that Idol mints solo stars, not group talent), the bottom three were revealed:

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