Lindsay Lohan’s No Felon

by (@katespencer)

lindsay082307.jpgThe LA County District Attorney has finally filed charges against the road raging Lindsay Lohan, and the starlet appears to be getting off easy. Boooooooo. The charges are seven misdemeanors, including two counts of driving under the influence. No felonies were brought against the star for the cocaine that was found in her car, her pants and her bloodstream, which was “below the .05 grams required by office policy for felony filing.” So what does that mean, the coke had worn off? She probably drove into the curb trying to snort a fresh line. If Linds is found guilty of both DUIs she faces up to four days in jail (we hear Nicole Richie needs a cellmate!), and it sounds like they went easy on Linds because she’s young, effed up and has been in rehab three times. A source told TMZ, “Prosecutors in this county see a lot of kids in crisis. There are lots of kids struggling with addiction. The first sign of trouble usually involves a car. We’re not going to throw every one of them in prison. It doesn’t make sense.”

So jail her for making that craptastic stripper murder movie. That makes a whole lot of sense to us. [TMZ. Image: Getty]

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Justin Reminds Britney Who’s In Charge

by (@katespencer)

jtmadge082307.jpgBritney’s ex may be teaming up with Madonna to one up Britney’s comeback at the VMAs. Apparently it’s just a sweet rumor right now, but Madonna is reportedly “interested,” according to an E! Online source. This coupling would surely outshine whatever creepy magic show Britney is planning on doing with Criss Angel. What would you rather see – Madonna and JT rocking the house or Criss Angel pulling Brit out of a hat as her new depressing song plays? Plotting a comeback is gonna to be a lot harder than Brit thought, especially since her peers spent the last few years building careers – not ruining them. [Image: Getty]

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R. Kelly Believes He Can Fly the Coop


rkelly_trial.jpgIf you think the continued roll-out of chapters in R. Kelly‘s “Trapped in the Closet” saga is insane, here’s something that’s crazier than crazy: R. Kelly reportedly plans to hit the road in October. The nutty part? His kiddie-porn trial doesn’t begin till Sept. 17.

R. Kelly’s camp hasn’t confirmed the tour — in fact, it was his supposed tourmate Keyshia Cole who let the news slip in an otherwise unrelated interview. MTV News points out that assuming that the trial lasts a standard four weeks, this gives him little time to rehearse. And, oh yeah, it also assumes he’ll get off innocent. Booking a tour the size that Kells’ will undoubtedly be when you don’t know if the headliner will be in jail or not is about as risky as filming your famous ass having sex with a minor and hoping that it won’t leak. But then, it would seem that Kells is a gambling man. [MTV News via Idolator]

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Paris Hilton Pays Up for Lying

by (@katespencer)

paris082307.jpgIt’s always sweet joy when Paris Hilton gets nailed for her trouble making. Remember those three wonderful weeks in June? This time our heiress extraordinaire has reportedly forked over more than $2 million dollars to settle out of court with Zeta Graff. You may remember Graff as the ex-girlfriend of Paris’ ex-fianc? Paris Latstis (confused yet?) who sued Hilton for defamation. Her charge? That Paris leaked a bunch of lies to Page Six, which wrote that Graff ripped a necklace of Hilton’s neck and was then thrown out of a London night club as the song” Copacabana” played in the background. Sounds like Graff won this round! Nice work random rich lady. Too bad the Parises parted ways eons ago, making it all the more fun to say “that’s hot” to Paris losing a nice chunk of change for spreading such a lame rumor. [NY Post. Image: Getty]

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Britney’s New Song is Sadder Than Her Life

by (@katespencer)

britney082307.jpgThere’s only one thing we enjoy more than Britney being crazy, and that’s hearing new Britney music! Thankfully we have BOTHnot today. On the crazy front, Lady Spears – who is still at home in California and not peeing her way across Europe – is apparently so desperate to keep her sons that she is thinking of fleeing to London, Madonna style. She was also spotted by Life&Style magazine out at a Hollywood night spot recently looking down and depressed, and when pressed by the mag’s spy about her mood she replied, “My babies are my life.”

Poor thing. Check out her new song that leaked today and you’ll get a sense of the weird, dark place she’s currently living in. Brit actually belts it out pretty hard, when not bizarrely reenacting a phone call with K-Fed. She also apparently loves sampling beats from music boxes. The last line is definitely the best – is she talking about the sun in the sky or the son(s) her ex is trying to take away from her?

Listen to Britney’s new sad slow jam HERE and tell us what you think! Sucktastic or comeback worthy? [Image: Getty]

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Thursday: Christina Reveals Baby Belly; Jessica Alba Gets Close With Ex

by (@katespencer)

alba0823071.jpgPics: Christina Shows Off Baby Bump
She has yet to make an official statement but she doesn’t really need to, what with outfits like this. Xtina’s knocked up, yall! [IDLYITW]

Paris Spends Big Bucks on New Pad
The heiress has upgraded to a new $6.25 million pad in a gated corner of Beverly Hills. The manse comes with a gym and a wine closet, a clear upgrade from the stripper pole and monkey cage. [Us Weekly]

Jessica Alba Cuddling With Her Ex?
The starlet was spotted on a romantic beach stroll with ex-boyfriend Cash Warren. Apparently she likes to make thousands of grown men cry. [WWTDD]

Bridget Moynahan Gives Birth
Tom Brady’s ex gave birth to their son yesterday, and promptly named the kid ‘I Hate Giselle Bundchen’. [Ny Post]

Cameron and John Get Close in NYC

The couple take things slow but get closer at romantic spots around the city. It’s the summer of canoodling in the Big Apple. [Us Weekly]

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Britney Bolts to Belgium

by (@katespencer)

Weirdo!Britney’s apparently decided to head across the Atlantic to woo the Europeans with her adorable meltdowns. They’re probably a lot cooler with craziness than we Americans are. According to the latest cover of Star (see pic, left), Brit was plotting to head to France with her kids. While it appears that the kids are currently with K-Fed, Britney was allegedly spotted taking one of her signature piss breaks at a restaurant in Belgium wearing an ill-fitted wig. Maybe she is on her way to London to save Pete Doherty’s cats. K-Fed supposedly was worried that Brit would try to kidnap the kids and take them overseas. I’m sure he’s pretty relieved that she decided just to bring a couple of wigs instead. Bon Voyage! [Dlisted]

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Lindsay Caught Buying Beer in Rehab?

by (@katespencer)

lindsay082207.jpgLindsay Lohan apparently staged a photoshoot with OK! Magazine of her stint in rehab, posing for pics that show the starlet all cleaned up reading the Alcoholics Anonymous handbook and doing other “positive things.” She also seems to have lucked out with her legal issues as well, as she may only end up with a few days worth of jail time for her DUI charges, as opposed to the two year term she could face. But don’t go thinking Linds is off the hook just yet! An anonymous caller who phoned into a Utah radio show this morning (the most reliable source in the world!) allegedly spotted Loh-blow buying some Miller Lite at a convenience store last night. When fans asked for autographs, the source said her bodyguard replied, “This is not a good time.” What? It’s a perfect time! Get OK! mag in there for another staged photoshoot – of Lindsay’s booze relapse. [Image: Getty]

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Pete Doherty’s Cats are High on Crack

by (@katespencer)

pete0822072.jpgYou know those moments when you see a pic of a celeb with like, a giant zit, and you think to yourself, “Hey, celebrities are regular people – just like me.” Well this is NOT one of those moments. Kate Moss’ crazy sometimes-boyfriend Pete Doherty is a notorious drug addict (crack, coke, heroin – the usual), and now it seems like he’s gotten his kitties hooked on the stuff too. After his cat Dinger (which is junkie slang for syringe, apparently) had a litter of five kittens, one ended up sick. A blood test done by the veterinarian turned up – what else?! – cocaine in the cat’s bloodstream. I know he’s probably desperate for some pals to get high with, but animal cruelty is not the answer. Though it is kind of fun to imagine Pete making tiny straws out of gum wrappers for his kitties to use for snortin’. [SeriouslyOMG/Getty]

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Beyonc?’s Bouncy Boob Flash

by (@katespencer)

Beyonc? can’t seem to keep herself off the internet. First it was her glorious tumble down a set of stairs on-stage, and now it’s this clip of her performing in concert and giving a nice shot of her lady bits to the audience…and us. We can’t quite make out if we’re seeing her actual Beyonc? breasts or a flesh colored bra. What do you see? [SOHH]

The pics below don’t reveal any flesh, but they’re still hot.

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