Tuesday: Jessica Simpson Goes for The Bony Look

by (@katespencer)

jessicasimpson0918.jpgJessica Simpson?s Super Skinny Bod
Damn Girl! One month you’re curvy and round and then 30 days later you’re a bag of bones. Pick a size — preferably a healthy one. [Egotastic]

OJ Simpson’s Uncensored Attack
Check out the uncensored version of the confrontation that’s landed OJ in (more) hot water. Just make sure your ears can handle the copious F bombs the Juice squeezes out in five minutes. [TMZ]

Madonna?s Mad Mothering Skills
Malawi decides they approve of Madonna’s mothering after learning that she bakes cakes and owns luxurious sheep-like carpets. Was Martha Stewart on the ‘deciding committee?’ [DListed]

Owen Spotted Flashing Scars
Yup, he really did it, and apparently we need the pictures to prove it. It couldn’t get any classier than that! [Us Weekly]

Rosie and Oprah: Ready To Feud?
Oh snap! Rosie turned down an interview with Oprah to instead discuss her new book with Diane Sawyer. Oprah’s gotta be thinking, ” What would the Donald do?” [NY Post]

Rock on TV: Hip-Hop Honors

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afrikabambaataa.jpgJonesing for music on your television set? You?ve come to the right place, rockers! Check out our shortlist below. For more extensive listings, read VH1?s Rock on TV schedule daily.

Forbes 20 Most Expensive Celebrity Weddings, 6 p.m. (EST), E!: They employ evil clip-show geniuses over at E!, men and women who are hell-bent on entertaining you in 15 seconds or less, writers and producers who know how to really jiggle your ass when you’re trying to make it to 25 minutes on the treadmill even though your lungs feel like they’re filled with hot chlorine. How are you going to get over the hump, doughboy? We’ll tell you — with this clip show. Who had the most lavish nuptials? Was it Madonna and Guy Ritchie, what with their Scottish-castle-wedding? Was it Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, what with their DJ Mark Ronson? Or was it Melania Trump, who wore a $1.5 million engagement ring and a $200,000 gown? Sweat to the excess as Forbes and E! team up to make you burn 800 wedding-related calories in just under an hour.

VH1′s 2006 Hip-Hop Honors 7 p.m. (EST), VH1: Last year’s Hip-Hop Honors awards show was veritably seismic, honoring Ice Cube, the Beastie Boys, Afrika Bambaataa (pictured), Eazy-E, Russell Simmons, Rakim, MC Lyte and the Wu-Tang Clan. The show, hosted by Ice-T, was a blow-out, chock-a-block with amazing performances, fashions and memories. Thrill to the events of yesteryear, even as you get ready for this year’s shinding. The 2007 Hip-Hop Honors will be given out on October 8th, in a show hosted by 30 Rock‘s most excellent funnyman, Tracy Morgan.

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news_20?97.gif2007 VH1 Hip Hop Honors Site

Marilyn Manson Definitely Doesn’t Do Drugs

by (@katespencer)

marilynmanson.jpgRest easy, friends. Apparently there was some confusion over what was/wasn’t said by Marilyn Manson in a restaurant bathroom after a screening of his girlfriend Evan Rachel Wood’s new movie. Manson did NOT: ask for coke, ask for Adderral, or go into a stall with another person to take either of the substances illegally. Or so says a publicist for the film. But obviously we believe everything those publicists say. It’s their job!

Besides – Manson’s not into illegal drugs, he’s into illegal booze. The singer is now selling his own brand of absinthe, appropriately called Mansithe. Yes, apparently even with a clear, drug-free brain he couldn’t think of anything more creative to name his brand of the mysterious drink. Sexin’ up young ladies in blood will do that to you. [Image: Getty]

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Who Would Want to Knock Off K-Fed?

by (@katespencer)

federline.jpgAnswer: Everybody!

Okay okay – we don’t want Keven Federline to be killed, but we wouldn’t mind if it he took his Britney bucks and hid out behind a rock for a few billion years. And we’re obviously not the only ones! ET is reporting that the FBI and LAPD are “investigating legitimate leads on a contract hit on Kevin Federline’s life.” Holy crap! Apparently the FBI has been trying to alert the gold-digger than there is a possibility that his life is in danger. Let’s put our investigative skills in action to figure out who could be out to snuff K-Fed – and where and how they might do the deed.

  • Vanilla Ice – in the recording studio with a “Popozao” demo
  • Ex #1 Shar Jackson – anywhere in front of the paparazzi with the DVD of Britney & Kevin: Chaotic
  • Ex #2 Britney Spears – in a gas station bathroom with a pair of hair-cutting shears (the Cheet-flavored finger prints would give it away)
  • Sean Preston and Jayden James – on the playground with the booze Mommy puts in their bottles

Watch your back dawg! [ET. Image: Getty]

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Colbie Caillat and Her Catchy Choruses

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Colbie Caillat
The best way for a newcomer to quickly make a dent on the charts is to drop a few tunes that have irresistible refrains or choruses. The sunny West Coast chanteuse Colbie Caillat has done just that, and her “Bubbly” is racing to the top end of the standings. One of our You Oughta Know artists, Caillat wooed MySpace users last year, and now her Coco is turning lots of heads. “Bubbly” is sweet little tune, and the chance to hear it in a stripped down setting has arrived. We’re launching Colbie’s “Unplugged” performances tomorrow. Here’s a look at one clip from the session to whet your appetite.

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Celebrating MLK’s Dream

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John Legend
Lots of prep work has gone into the solidification of the Martin Luther King, Jr National Memorial on the Mall in Washington, DC. All that’s needed is a final chunk of change to help get the whole thing built. When it’s complete, a tribute to the great man’s ideas regarding equality and peace will be closely situated to those praising other American thinkers, such as Lincoln and Jefferson.

An array of performers have bonded together to help secure these project funds – The Dream Concert is a superstar deal that takes place in New York on Tuesday, September 18. Stevie Wonder, Aretha Franklin, Carlos Santana, Ludacris, John Legend, Babyface, Usher, Garth Brooks, Wycliffe Jean, Joss Stone, Talib Kweli, Robin Thicke, Whoopi Goldberg, Magic Johnson, and several others will take the stage for the cause.

Check back on Wednesday. We’ll have some post-show pics for you. Which artist would you most like to see yourself? Hit “Comments.”

Monday: Lindsay’s Locked Up and Lovin’ It

by (@katespencer)

lindsay0917.jpgMadonna and Pals Invade Israel
The Kabbalah queen headed to Israel for the new year and brought along a slew of lame Hollywood pals. Rosie O’Donnell and the guy from Dawson’s Creek should not be allowed to ruin another country! [A Socialite's Life]

Lindsay: In Rehab for the Long Haul

The starlet’s committed to hangin’ in ‘hab for another 2-3 months. The food must be really damn good for her to want to stink around that long. [X17]

Britney Just Wants her Babies
Her lawyer claims that Britney just wants to be a mother to her two little boys. We’ll believe it when she closes her legs and starts acting like one. [People]

Paris : Having Kids is ?Retarded?
The heiress dispels rumors that she wants to adopt four blond babies, calling the myth “retarded.” Ah yes – people who talk like a dumb kid probably shouldn’t raise one – or four. [People]

Angelina?s Done With Drugs
Brad’s baby-mama claims that she’s done ‘em all (heroin included) and that pot made her feel the most crazy. Funny – we thought four kids would do that. [DListed]

Rock on TV: Grease

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grease.jpgJonesing for music on your television set? You?ve come to the right place, rockers! Check out our shortlist below. For more extensive listings, read VH1?s Rock on TV schedule daily.

Saturday Night Live, Saturday, September 15, 11:30 p.m. (EST), NBC: The long-running show’s 31st season kicks off with musical guest Kanye West, with whom there’s always a 50-50 chance of mega-drama, since he’s a bigger diva than Mariah, Whitney and Diana all thrown together. Ignore the music and tune in for the host, Steve Carell. Why? Because he’s funny, that’s why. Start laughing. Now.

Singles, Sunday, September 16, 6:15 a.m. (EST), HBO 2: Like most of Cameron Crowe‘s films, this paean to Seattle during the idyllic, nu-bohemian, quasi-hippie-punk days of the early ’90s was great the first time we saw it. These days it’s a little tough to take, since it seems like it’s taken a bath in sentimentality and then dried off with a towel made of nostalgia, but maybe that’s just because we’re jaded fools who couldn’t put a metaphor together if we tried. Regardless, the ensemble cast film features a hilarious turn by Pearl Jam as fictional band Citizen Dick, and a number of other Seattle types make appearances, too, including former Soundgardener Chris Cornell, who now owns a restaurant in Paris.

Grease, Monday, September 17, 9 p.m. (EST), VH1 Classic: If you see one musical this fall . . . this one’s not a bad way to go. Olivia Newton-John retains all her cuteness, and it’s so nice to see John Travolta before he became strange. If you haven’t seen this in a while, it’s like a ray of sunshine spun out of sugar the color of pure gold. Smiley faces all around!

The Weekly Wrap Up: Britney Bombs, Kanye Hides & New York Picks Her Guys

by (@katespencer)

wrapupheader0913.jpg

Friday: Britney In Talks To Repeat VMAs Disaster at the Emmys

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Britney SpearsBritney Wants to Give Us More; We’re Not So Interested
The aging orange-colored pop tart is allegedly in discussions with Emmy producers about this Sunday’s show. It seems she might want to apologize to the nation for her performance last Sunday at the VMAs. Sidebar: Anyone rent Groundhog Day lately? [Us Weekly]

Embarrassed Vanessa Hudgens Cancels on Leno
After the full-frontal nudie pix of the star circulated the Net, Hudgens decided to lay low and keep out of the spotlight for awhile. That’s understandable, except that it’s a strategy that won’t work. The soundtrack to High School Musical 2 has sold eleventy-billion copies, and for the under 15-set, she’s more famous than anyone, basically. [E Online]

O.J. Arrested After Vegas B&E
Looks like Mr. If I Did It has done it again. The Juice, a once respected football player and mildly comedic actor, was arrested on suspicion of breaking into a Las Vegas hotel room. He was released. Then he sort-of-kind-of confessed. It’s all very confusing. [TMZ]

Fred Durst’s Voice Isn’t His Only Deadly Weapon
The Limp Bizkit singer pleaded no-contest to charges that he tried to plow into two people with his car back in October of last year. [Hollywood.com]

Tori Spelling Goes to Broadway
Tori and her husband Dean might co-star in the Broadway production of Chicago. Hey, big spenders, won’t you spend a little time with us? [People]