Jesse Desperate To Sing?

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UK’s Now magazine is reporting that Jesse Metcalfe is set to make beautiful music by reinventing himself as a singer. He does, after all know how to handle a guitar. The rag quotes Jesse as saying:

People are going to be shocked by my first album. It’s going to reveal my unseen mature side and I’ve even co-written some of the songs…I think I could be the next James Blunt.

The “unseen mature side” bit proves that this is either fabricated (who says that about himself?!?) or that Jesse’s subscribing to his own hype (a douche says that about himself, that’s who). The “next James Blunt” thing adds to the douchieness — he knows he’s the next Clay Aiken, he’s just too shy to say it. [Now]

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Fiddy Believes That Children Are Our Future

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50 Cent has his eyes on the future and he thinks R&B youngins Ciara and Chris Brown will lead us there. That probably means we all have to start taking dance lessons, right? If you can’t 1-2 step or grab your crotch like Michael Jackson, your ass will be left behind. Anyway, 50 says:

They came at me about doing ["Can't Leave 'Em Alone" with Ciara] and I heard the joint. It was before her album came out and I was thinking that she?s the future of R&B. People love Beyonc?, but look at how long she?s been around! I think that she?s dope, though. But I?m about the future of the business and her [Ciara] and Chris Brown are just that. They?re going to be the best things out in a lil? bit. But as far as what people think between me and her, man…[laughs], the video did that.

This is mostly notable because 50 Cent is actually saying something nice about someone else (two someones, even!). I thought there was a bullet lodged in the section of his brain responsible for compliments. He’s always so full of surprises! [HipHopDX.com]

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Britney Sleeps with Women, Hates Her Kids

by (@katespencer)

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If you’re in Britney overload, don’t worry – we feel your pain like a bad set of hair extenstions. She’s on the cover of practically every gossip magazine this week and according to the tabloids is doing everything from hitting on Jenna Jameson to guzzling Jameson in front of her kids. If you’re keeping tabs, here’s a list of all the Brit rumors circulating this morning.

  • Britney and her ex-assistant Shannon Funk (recently subpoenaed by K-Fed) are/were lesbian lovers
  • Brit asked nannies to sleep in her bed with her and her baby
  • She drinks to loosen up and boozes until she ends up drunk in front of her kids
  • Stripping in front of visitors and nannies is a daily habit
  • The mom of two has told her kids they were mistakes. Sadly they’re too young to understand what the hell she said, especially because her speech was most likely slurred.
  • The starlet is planning a performance comeback at the MTV VMAs next month.
  • Brit is applying to be on Flavor of Love 3. Yeah, we’re just kidding, but wouldn’t that be so effing awesome?! Her Flav name would probably be something like CrazzeeMamma or Weaviee.

[DListed, OK!, Popbytes, NY Daily News, Us Weekly, Life&Style.]

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Wednesday: Justin and Jessica Moving In Together; Brangelina’s Baby Shopping

by (@katespencer)

jt081507.jpgJustin and Jessica Playing House?
The cute couple are supposedly ready to take the plunge and share a house. Get ready for baby bump watch to start in a week or two! [Life and Style]

Lindsay Sued by Car Chase Victim
A passenger in the car Linds chased last month is suing the actress. Funny how she starred in a movie about some girl with no luck, and now she has none. Karma’s a bitch to bitches! [TMZ]

Paris Parties for a Price
The heiress and her little sis are apparently shopping around their services as party hosts to Las Vegas clubs, for a price of $500,000. We didn’t realize Paris’ wallet counted as a charity. [NY Post]

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Lohan’s Ta-Tas: “A Really Big Hit”

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When in doubt, go with the sexy photo spread, right? Maxim is about to drop a new issue that features some kootchie-koo shots of Lindsay “The Black Kid Was Driving” Lohan. Somewhere in between taking the pictures, the mag’s journalists found time to get some quotes, and yes, the juiciest of ‘em is now out there making the rounds on the InterWeb.

Which part of your body garners the most attention?
My breasts have been a really big hit?

We’re wondering if that’s a leftover quote from some old Jessica Simpson chat, but I guess we’ll find out what comes after the ellipses when the mag streets next Tuesday.

One thing’s certain. Old Firecrotch looks better in that white thingee than she did on her darkest day.

Think there’s any chance Lohan will still be looking sexy after her stint in dry-out camp?

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Papa K-Fed: Custody Battle Smack Down

by (@katespencer)

britney_spears.jpgAfter serving Brit’s “cousin” Alli Sims with legal papers over the weekend, K-Fed and his team of lawyers pounced on another victim, serving her manny/boyfriend/security guard Daimon Shippen with two subpoenas yesterday to testify in the couple’s latest custody hearing. Apparently Shippen “was completely surprised to be served. He was dumbfounded and in a state of shock.” What we’re most shocked about is that K-Fed can actually afford lawyers. How many copies of Playing With Fire did he sell? Five?

One of Brit’s pals is defending the singer and going after Kevin, arguing that the back up dancer really wants Britney’s other baby – her money. A source close to the star told X17, “…his dispute now is clearly for financial gain. Britney isn’t hiding anything. And why didn’t he fight for full custody of his kids with Shar Jackson if he loves his kids so much?”

Good point mystery source! Now if only you could tell us why Britney let Jayden wear one of her hats out to dinner last night. [Getty]

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Winehouse Hits Rehab, Will She Change Song Lyrics?

by (@katespencer)

amyblake081407.jpgA bunch of British rags are reporting this morning that Amy Winehouse has indeed entered rehab, apparently flying across the Atlantic to hit up one of America’s fine treatment facilities. Amy’s husband Blake is also along for the ride, as they’re attempting rehab together (really bad idea?). The singer was allegedly caught by her best friend on Friday night smoking heroin in the hotel room where she was supposed to be recuperating from her previous drug overdose. Her family flipped out and Amy finally changed her tune on the whole rehab thing.

Before the couple jetted away for treatment, they stripped off their clothes to prove to their parents that while they had been smoking heroin, they had not injected the drug. Was that news supposed to make their families jump for joy? It’s not like smoking the stuff and putting coke (and horse tranquilizers!) up your nose is that much better. But really, kudos to the dysfunctional couple for getting their collective s**t together. [The Mirror, The Daily Mail. Image: Getty]

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Tuesday: Paris Pulls a Fast One; Britney’s Headed Back to the Stage

by (@katespencer)

paris081407.jpgIs Paris Faking Good Behavior?
Though she seems to be on her best behavior – cuddling with babies, wearing full-piece bathing suits and ignoring her pals the paparazzi – a source alleges that it’s all an act. [NY Post]

Nicole’s Got a New Hot Body
After years of looking painfully thin, Nicole’s body finally gets hot – and it’s all thanks to that baby bump. We like this kid already. [TMZ]

Lindsay Cleaning Toilets in Rehab
The starlet’s daily schedule at posh rehab joint Cirque Lodge includes cleaning duties as well as gardening, hiking and spa treatments. So when do they address the actual addiction? [Us Weekly]
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The Rock Life Recap: Episode 3

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Rainbow Jeramy

The boys hit the road, with the express purpose of geting Tony Potato laid. Which shouldn’t be a problem, given that Whitestarr has “girls galore.” Post-show, Cisco describes Mr. Potato as “a dancer, a lawyer, an overall renaissance man, but he cannot follow through on anything.” A heart-to-heart ensues after a crestfallen Tony leaves the backstage area to take a leak, and Cisco follows him into the bathroom. Apparently Tony’s trouble isn’t the fact that he’s overweight, balding and in a struggling band (what girl wouldn’t want that!?!), but that he has no follow through.

The band embark on a tour, playing 28 shows in 30 days to bring the music to the people. Cisco doesn’t seem to think of what he does as “touring and playing music” so much as pirating: “taking what we need and leaving some scurvy…new town every night, new girl every night.” This proves more difficult for Tony. In one particularly painful scene, Tony has one unsuspecting female in a half nelson, and as she cackles on his lap she says, “I don’t do dancers. I only do rock stars.” Wrong bus, sister.

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Biggie Smalls Casting Call

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This crossed our desks. We thought some of you might be interested. It seems Fox Searchlight is casting for the role of Biggie Smalls in their upcoming film Notorious. Think you’ve got what it takes? Well, unless you’ve got an endless supply of Cohibas, a yacht and the voice of angel, we doubt it. But go here to apply now anyhow. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

See the full ad after the jump …

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