Bad Britney! No Kids for You

by (@katespencer)

The judge in Brit’s custody case has denied the starlet any and all visitation rights with her kids! Oh snap. No sleepovers, no monitored play time, no family dinners where each kid gets his own KFC bucket of Extra Crispy chicken. So why has the starlet’s visits been suspended? Because the Queen of all Idiots “did not provide the drug testing people with contact information so they could reach her to facilitate the random tests.”

Sigh. Come on Britney, get it together! If you don’t, you’re gonna have to resort to some drastic measures to see those kids. Check out the hilarious video above for some sweet ideas – Mrs. Britfire has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?? [TMZ. BWE]

Michael Jackson Attacks Kid Nation

by (@katespencer)

We heart Kid Nation, so it’s only natural that this video mash up featuring train wreck Michael Jackson circa 2003 is playing our heart strings like a banjo this morning. We like to imagine how Michael might have ended up wreaking havoc on Bonanza City:

“Okay kids, you won the reward challenge, now here are your two rewards that the Town Council must choose between. Under the first fake old time-y crate, a roasted pig party, complete with grits, hush puppies and Kool Aid! And inside this gilded replica of a 1840′s submarine, musical sensation turned creepy plastic surgery addict, Michael Jackson! So Town Council, what do you pick as your reward?”

Are there any other Kid Nation fans who screamed at the TV last night in joy when Anjay beat that prissy b*tch Olivia in town elections? We’re still celebrating – you can probably smell the root beer on our breath this morning. As for Taylor – she’ll do a lot better being a brat on the bench, don’t you think? Now she really doesn’t have to follow any rules which means her inner Paris Hilton can finally shine. Also, what ever happened to that kid with the purple mohawk? We haven’t seen him since he pushed a wagon in the first episode – is it possible that he’s secretly the same kid as ejected Council member Mike? [via JustJared]

Viva Bonanza City!

Thursday: Ellen Ends Pup War

by (@katespencer)

Video: Is Ellen Ending Her Dog Drama?
The talk show star has asked her fans to stop the death threats against the shelter owner who took her dog, but her fingers were probably crossed behind her back as she said it. [DListed]

Angelina Rocks New Look on Set
Saint Angie has shipped the fam to LA so she can rock this new dowdy 1940s look in her new flick. She looks more great-grandma than mom, but we’re sure Brad finds it sexy! [X17]

Lilo & Her Man?s Matching Mug Shots
It’s what little girls always dream about when they think of their future boyfriend – his sexy mugshot pic! Do you think they traded pics and wrote love notes on the back of them? [TMZ]

Oprah?s Serious Health Scare
Say it ain’t sOprah! Our favorite woman in the world fell ill with a thyroid problem this summer – but it was nothing a month-long Hawaiian vaca couldn’t cure! [E Online]

Britney?s Secret Court Hearing
There’s no word on why Brit and K-Fed’s lawyers got together with the judge in their custody case yesterday, but we guess it was to gossip about Brit’s latest fashion disaster. [Us Weekly]

Win Tix to the Led Zep Reunion!

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Led Zeppelin
The latest issue of Q magazine finds Robert Plant saying that the “idea of going back to all that again is enough to make me break out in hives.” In this case, “all that” is the much buzzed-about Led Zeppelin reunion, so Plant is a bit of a fibber. As you know, the rock world is celebrating the gathering of the singer, Jimmy Page, and bassist John Paul Jones in the November tribute to their pal and Atlantic Records founder, Ahmet Ertegun. More than a million requests have been made for the 10 thousand available tickets. Meaning lots of people aren’t going to make it to this wildly exclusive show. But you might. Take your chances on our Led Zeppelin Live in London Sweepstakes, and you and pal might be whisked away to the year’s biggest rock show.

Perhaps you know by now that the group’s entire catalog is finally hitting the digital music services on November 13. One of the last digital hold-outs, the band and their money men will now let you crank MP3s of “Dazed and Confused,” “Moby Dick,” and a little something called “Stairway To Heaven.” Guess they knew we were tired of hearing “Rock ‘n’ Roll” in that Cadillac commercial. Check Zep videos at VH1 Classic. Read a classic interview with Jimmy Page.

PS: While connecting with Page has been a bit tough over the years, Plant’s got a new partner and a new disc that you might find intriguing.

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Foxy’s Lawyer Leaves Her After Lame Threat

by (@katespencer)

foxy1017.jpgFoxy Brown‘s barely got anyone to hang out with in jail for the next year, and to make matters worse her lawyer just ditched her too. The reason? His wife was “threatened” by a man who exited a silver car in front of their apartment building and asked her “How can a beautiful woman like you be beaten up?”

I guess this sounds like a threat, but hey, it could also be a compliment! Or perhaps he was just asking for suggestions on how to beat her if he were to try. It’s kind of nice of the guy to at least ask before he opens a can of revenge whoop-ass on her. Either way, this seems like an easy way for Foxy’s lawyer to get out of representing someone who is surely a difficult client. Just last Friday she refused twice – TWICE – to get on the bus heading to her court hearing because she hadn’t done her hair and make up. Sounds like Mr. Attorney couldn’t handle all the diva coming his way. [Getty]

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Nas: Censored Before He Could Talk?

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After Nas‘ shocking announcement that his next album, purportedly due in December, would be titled Nigga, his record company has hit back, debunking his claims entirely. A source “close to” Def Jam honcho L.A. Reid told Fox News that there’s no new studio album due from Nas at all (though a greatest-hits set is to hit stores in November), and that even if there were, it probably wouldn’t carry such a potentially offensive title. “How would that look at Wal-Mart?” Terrible next to $5 leggings and this T-shirt, no doubt.

Of course, the very hypothesis that Nas would release an album named Nigga sent the usual suspects’ mouths foaming. Jesse Jackson denounced the title, calling it “socially distasteful,” while the NAACP said the name “shows a real lack of creative imagination.” Interestingly, support for the name came from none other than Don Imus‘ camp: Imus lawyer Martin Garbus called Nigga “a good thing.” “Words like that should be deprived of their meanings, and then they can’t hurt.” Clearly, Imus (or at least, his people) can’t wait to get back to work. [FoxNews.com / Image: Getty]

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Mischa Barton Gets t.A.T.u.’d

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What do t.A.T.u. have in common with Ray Charles, Johnny Cash and Bob Dylan? Until very recently, nothing. But since Mischa Barton signed on to star in the upcoming film Finding t.A.T.u., the Sapphic Russian twosome is the subject of a new film. Based on a true story, the former O.C. starlet plays Lana Starkova, a Russian slaughterhouse worker [Ed: WTF?], who meets lonely American Janie Sawyer on a t.A.T.u. fansite and together enter the seedy Russian underworld of drugs and violence. Hear that kids? t.A.T.u. is a gateway drug. Check out the glorified music video above — you’ll have to suspend disbelief long enough to buy the idea that t.A.T.u. actually warrant a film, as well Barton’s accent.

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Wednesday: Ellen Barks While Her Fans Bite

by (@katespencer)

ellen1017.jpgEllen?s Pup Problems Escalate
She may have wept openly on her show yesterday, but Ellen’s flack has apparently been playing a little dirty with the dog agency in question, whose president is now receiving death threats. [NYP]

Hills Stars Spencer & Heidi Get Hacked
Hackers allegedly broke into the couple’s respective blogs and posted confessions, claiming that they leaked the sex tape rumors about co-star LC. We smell two idiots orchestrating a super-smart publicity stunt! [People]

Pics: Pam Anderson?s White Wedding
Hurray! It’s the first pic from Pam’s Vegas wedding and – big surprise – she looks like she does all the time. Tiny skirt, big hair and massive boobs say matrimony to us! [Ok!]

Brit Bashes her Custody Judge
The worst mom in LA was overheard ragging on the judge in her court case. That’s the way to get those babies back, girl!? [Us]

Lindsay Drops By Favorite LA Haunts
She’s backkkkkk. Linds did a little shopping yesterday on Robertson Blvd. surrounded by a posse of paparazzi. And here we thought she had kicked her addiction to attention. [DListed]

Regina Spektor: Red Lipstick & On-Stage Burps

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Our Tour Survival Guide checks in with rockers about life on the road. Here?s Regina Spektor on honey, belching and her Russian-Jewish immune system.

Code Name: Lady Danger
I always have my favorite red lipstick on before I go onstage — It’s MAC and the color is Lady Danger. It’s awesome because it’s super bright red. It’s very spy-ish. No matter how I feel before every show I put it on and then I?m [ready] ?- it’s my “OK now I?m going to play my show” moment. It really changes everything.

An Army of Squeezy Bears
I could eat a bowl of honey. I drink hot water with honey, tea with honey, eat a teaspoon of honey. It really helps the throat, and it’s delicious. I try not to get the really crappy honey, I try to get organic. But I like all kinds -? the squeezy bears are really fun because they?re so cute. When I come back from tour, because I have so many honey bears from the rider, I have an entire army of them on my refrigerator, with different levels of honey in each one.

Read more…

Fiddy: Listen, Don’t Listen to Me

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50 Cent spoke to high school students in Bridgeport, Conn., on Friday and basically told them not to believe things he’s said in the past. Implicit in his presentation, of course, is that they should totally believe him now. Confusing! Anyway here’s a rundown of the myths 50 debunked:

On cops: “I say in one of my songs I hate cops. I don’t hate cops. But I am expressing the feelings of a young boy who sees the cops take his brother away, and hates them for it.”

On drugs: “I don’t do drugs. That was who I was, but I changed direction. My music reflects the early part of my life.”

On his feud with Kanye West: He called it a marketing ploy, explaining, “His label and my label are both owned by Universal Music Group.”

He didn’t address his pre-release claim that he’d quit hip-hop if Kanye outsold him, but we can probably this up to yet another 50 Cent tall tale. In fact, if there’s one thing this talk of his taught us to believe, it’s that he really can’t be believed.

Some tech-savvy student took the video below at the event — in this portion, 50 talks about Britney Spears and why names will never hurt him. Words! Who needs’ em? [The Connecticut Post Online via mtv / Image credit: Getty]

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