Jennifer is J-Lo No More

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Jlomarc
Jenny from the block is kicking her old nickname to the curb, a la "Puff Daddy." In a new interview she confesses that J-Lo was created for fun, but then "got out of control and really crazy." Your fault, not ours, Jen. We didn’t force you to use it in every song for three years, nor did we enjoy it.

She also tells The Sun, "That’s all gone with the ridiculous stories about me
throwing tantrums and insisting on Egyptian sheets. That’s all firmly
in my past." After all that warning, even J-Lo Jennifer got fooled by the rocks that she got. But what’s the future hold for our uptown diva? Word broke today that she and her hubby Marc Anthony will hit the road on a joint tour, covering their own songs as well as duets. What a brilliant plan! Instead of one of them sitting at home worrying about the slew of affairs the other is having on the road, they can head out together and ruin each other’s chances of getting hot, backup dancer booty. Isn’t their marriage over already?

50 Says Free Ride Is Over

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50centIf you thought the key to easy street lay with recording a record for G-Unit or maybe inventing a new flavor of Vitamin Water, think again. 50 Cent, budding mogul and onetime golem of Dr. Dre and Eminem, has said enough is enough. Speaking to White Rapper‘s Sacha Jenkins, 50 explained how his artists and their entourages have lightened his wallet by about $8.5 million, give or take. He also said that if his people were looking for a little walking-around money, he was the go-to guy: "Whether I got to give them $500,000 or $300,000 … Just ’cause they want $300,000 more to make what they [are] doing at the time comfortable. Like, ‘yo, I want to get this new place over here.’" Clearly 50′s ideas about friendship differ from most people’s: His ideas about friendship overlap with his ideas about branding and sponsorship. Consider this problem: "I looked around the room, and I was the only person with G-Unit sneakers on. But they were being paid," he adds. "It had become the norm for the check to come, but they were no longer wearing the clothes." Yikes. Those must be some ugly sneakers to risk losing a $500,000 pay day, you know, whenever you feel like it.

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Britney Pens Poem to Mom

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Britneybird
Britney’s legal letter demanding her mom stay far way from her two tots wasn’t the meanest note she handed to Lynne Spears last week. Apparently the pop princess also included a poem entitled "Dear Mama" in her paper pile, detailing what she feels is unforgivable mother-daughter treatment. A source reveals that Brit disowns her mom in the piece, writing that "she couldn?t imagine a mother doing what she did to her child.?

And just what did Lynne do? Well supposedly Britney hired a private investigator to dig up the dirt and obtained recordings of her phone calls with K-Fed. One has her plotting a visit with Sean and Jayden at his place behind the pop princess’ back, in which Lynne even says, "I have to be careful that Britney doesn?t find out!" Nice try Mama. You should know better than to mess with Britney Jean!

Below the jump, our imagined version of Brit’s poetic masterpiece.   

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Diddy’ll Be Missing His Girlfriend, Kate & Pete Part 27

by (@katespencer)

Didkim Diddy‘s living up to his bad boy moniker. After 10 years and three kids (most recently twins, born in December), Diddy and his model-actress girlfriend Kim Porter are calling it quits. The couple have been on-and-off throughout the course of their relationship. This time, though, Porter has purchased a home in Beverly Hills for her and her children, and isn’t coming back to Diddy’s New York digs.

Other occupants of the Heartbreak Hotel? Kate Moss and Pete Doherty. Seems that the couple (who were practically genetically engineered for one another) are on the outs, with Pete taking up with other models, Kate changing the locks and a moving van transporting Pete’s earthly goods to a quaint little trailer in West London.

Thursday: Beyonce Browses Barefoot; Lindsay Skips Booze for Makin’ Out

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Beyonce
Jessica: Flirting with Dane Cook?
Simpson was spotted getting her canoodle on with the comedy hunk (and former co-star) at a recent Prince show. [Mollygood]

Beyonce’s Barefoot Shopping Spree 
The big-voiced diva got a bad rap amongst snobby shoppers at Bergdorf Goodman this past Sunday while shopping for shorts. Apparently Beyonce browsed barefoot, even though she wasn’t anywhere near the shoe department. [NY Post]

Brit Sends Love Letter to Paps
The always kooky Britney penned a sweet letter to the paparazzi, apologizing for that unfortunate umbrella beat down earlier this year. She sarcastically claimed to be preparing for a role – in the sequel to The Shining, perhaps? [X17]

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Nicole: Bun in the Oven is For Real?

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Nicoletwo
Both TMZ and In Touch Weekly are reporting that Nicole Richie is indeed knocked up, preggers, with child – whatever you want to call it. She still looks like she’s eating for none, but hopefully that’ll change soon, as she’s rumored to be three months along. She’s also apparently going to marry her rocker boyfriend/possible baby daddy Joel Madden sometime this summer. Richie may want to hurry it up, cuz that July 11 court date’s not getting any farther away.  Maybe they can kill two birds with one stone and tie the knot at the courthouse before her hearing.

If Nicole really is pregs, she’ll probably officially announce it on July 4th, when all us gossip fiends are off barbecuing and setting off fireworks. Remember Jessica and Nick’s Thanksgiving divorce announcement a couple of years ago? Celebs have a way of using the holidays to their advantage. [TMZ/In Touch Weekly]

Lily Lashes Out at Paris and Lindsay

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Lilyallen
It’s hard not to love Lily Allen, especially when she’s opening her big mouth. The British pop star,  Myspace blogger, and future jailbird rocked the Concert for Diana this weekend, but before she returned to her native land she had this to say to Intelligencer:

"I’m about to be arrested just as soon as I get back to England. I
punched a paparazzi in the face. There were 70 of them
surrounding me. And I left the country
the next day.They’re saying I’m going to be arrested as soon as
I get
back. I could be
Paris Hilton soon enough. Oh, my God, her life is so f***ing insane. She doesn’t even do anything. I can’t
wait until Lindsay Lohan goes to jail. ‘Boo hoo. I’m going to
jail.’
Good. Does that mean you’ll stop showing me your p**** now?"

Oh Lily, please don’t ever stop telling it like it is. And just so you know, a stint in jail does not mean that Lindsay will stop flashing her lady-thang 24/7. That freckled mess is here to stay. Welcome to America.

Courtney’s Sexy Hairballs

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Courtneylove
Courtney Love has posted a new track on her website, the first off her forthcoming solo release, Nobody’s Daughter. It’s called "How Dirty Girls Get Clean" and it’s unmistakably Courtney — lots of groaning, ominous atmospherics and what is very clearly Billy Corgan playing guitar. It’s a sad song, and it never really goes anywhere, but it’s also sort of intriguing. It starts with "I’ve lost my mind" and it never gets more optimistic than that. Take a listen. Does it sound like she’s coughing up a hairball to anyone else? And does she make hairballs sound sexy or what? 

New Couples Alert: Hot Chicks with Really Old Dudes

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Katehudson
Recently a slew of smokin’ ladies have been spotted looking cozy with men who are around twice their age – a trend as horrifying and gross as Ugg Boots worn in the summer. So just who is rumored to be doing the nasty with a geezer guy?

Kate Hudson: The adorable actress was spotted leaving her Paris hotel with Ron Burkle, the 60-year old supermarket billionaire and close pal of Bill Clinton. It’s not like her ex-husband – Black Crowes lead singer Chris Robinson - was much of a looker, but at least he had his wrinkles under control.

More ladies rockin’ it with the oldies – after the jump!

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Nick and Vanessa’s X-Rated Jacuzzi Jaunt

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Nickvanessa_xxx
Turns out the censored pics (kinda NSFW) Life&Style Magazine published of Nick Lachey and gal pal Vanessa Minnillo getting nekkid on the balcony of their Mexican villa are pretty tame compared to the rest of the photos snapped that day. Apparently there’s another batch that shows the pair gettin’ it ON in their jacuzzi, and a source tells TMZ that the images are “Paris sex tape-level scandalous.” Boooo. I was hoping for Kim Kardashian sex tape-level scandalous, but I’ll settle.

The lovebirds (and future porn stars) quickly got their attorney on the job, and notices have been sent to all the weekly gossip mags alerting them that if anyone publishes the sexy shots they’ll be slapped with lawsuits galore. So for now we can only imagine what kind of sexalicious insanity these two got into. It sounds wayyy more exciting the Nick’s ex-wife’s tear-filled trip to Mexico last month. Jealous much, Jess?