Rock on TV – The Shortlist

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lohan.jpgJonesing for music on your television set? Don?t know what to watch? Love to see your favorite musicians tied up in absurd plots? Well, then, you?ve come to the right place, rockers! Check out our shortlist below. For more extensive listings, read VH1?s Rock on TV schedule daily.

A Prairie Home Companion, Monday, 9:30 AM (EST), HBOZ: We know, we know. You haven’t gotten quite enough of Lindsay Lohan lately, what with her recent trip to rehab. A thoroughly peroxided Lohan plays the suicide-obsessed daughter of Meryl Streep in the cinematic dramatization of the beloved NPR radio show.

The Gilmore Girls, “Girls In Bikinis, Boys Doin’ the Twist” Monday, 5PM (EST), FAM: Looked to as the death knell of indie culture, this was the moment the Shins came out of their (possibly scoliosis afflicted) shell and rocked this WB original series’ spring break episode. The performance by beloved, bespectacled indie outfit was more revolutionary than the Flaming Lips playing the Peach Pit on 90210. See also: Garden State.

Monday: Paris Chops Her Hair Off; Britney Speeds and Pleads with Cops

by (@katespencer)

paris_082707.jpgBrangelina: The Perfect Big Apple Family
The perfect Pitt-Jolie posse have taken NYC and the city’s parks and playgrounds by storm. They win “the coolest tourists” award for this week. [Just Jared]

Paris Lets Her Short Hair Hang
The heiress has chopped off her extensions and was spotted debuting her new Katie Holmes-like bob at her latest house party, where Kid Rock was a guest. Let’s hope she at least donated her unwanted locks. [DListed]

Is Madonna?s New Track a Rip-Off?
Madge’s new track supposedly sounds a lot like Britney’s “I’m a Slave 4 U,” which would make Madonna the only person in America still trying to copy the lost pop princess. [NY Post]

Winehouse: Caught with Crack Pipe?
Amy was apparently spotted getting high with a crack pipe in hand in the bathroom at the Chicago Lollapalooza show. Just her regular ol’ pre-show ritual, it seems. [NY Daily News]

Britney Pulled Over for Speeding
The starlet got a scolding by cops for speeding but got off without a ticket after using the old “the paparazzi were chasing me” excuse. It’s good to know that crazy celebs still get star treatment. [DListed]

Sacrificing L.A.M.B.

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Gwen Stefani played the mainly Muslim (and therefore immensely conservative) country of Malaysia on Tuesday, and her performance was a little less naked than usual. Literally. Protests from conservative Muslims meant Gwen had to cover up and ditch the skimpy threads that she normally dons on stage. This is just one in a series of incidents in which the potential indecency of Western artists has clashed with the purportedly chaste ideals of Malaysia.

But if you think that the idea that Gwen Stefani’s cleavage could corrupt Malaysian youths is ridiculous, check out her response to the opposition, as reportedly related to Malaysia’s Galaxie magazine before the show:

I’ve made a lot of changes to my concert just for Malaysia. It’s a major sacrifice that I have made as an artist. But I’m willing to do it because I want my fans in this country to see me perform here.

It should be noted that Gwen’s whining about sacrifice in a country whose per capita income is about 3.5 times less than that of the United States. Gwen Stefani seriously knows nothing about sacrifice. Yeah, it sucks to have to bow to the stifling ideals of others, but covering up your naked arm by wearing entitlement on your sleeve isn’t going to net you much sympathy. At least not in these parts.

Below, check out some shots of Gwen performing in the U.S. and, presumably, not sacrificing.

[GMANews.TV / Images: Getty]

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The Weekly Wrap Up: Lindsay’s Lucky, Hayden’s Hot, Flav is Back in Business

by (@katespencer)

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Kanye West and 50 Cent’s Feud Fizzles

by (@katespencer)

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So apparently that giant feud between Kanye and Fiddy was fake. Well gee, we spent a lot of time crying over nothing then. All to sell albums? Thanks a lot, guys. Page Six reports that the rappers joined Diddy, T.I., and Jay-Z at the 40/40 Club Wednesday night and palled around over vodka shots. Their boys night out came after the Screamfest ’07 show at Madison Square Garden where the group of guys all performed together onstage. Some feud that was! We’re not buying anyone’s albums on September 11th – so there. [NYP. MTV. Image: Getty]

Crazy Talk: Celebrities Say the Darndest Things

by (@katespencer)

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Every day we’re amazed at the ridiculous things that come out of the mouths of famous people. We’ve rounded up the best of this week’s wackiest celeb statements for your reading pleasure, straight from Jamie Foxx, Amy Winehouse, and a slew of your other favorite stars. Enjoy their wise words – and your sanity.

  • “If they’re using dry paper, they aren’t washing all of themselves. It’s just unclean. So if I go in a woman’s house and see the toilet paper there, I’ll explain this. And if she doesn’t make the adjustment to baby wipes, I’ll know she’s not completely clean.” ? Terrence Howard, detailing to Elle Magazine why he will only date women who use baby wipes after going to the bathroom. [DListed]
  • ?Blake is the best man in the world. We would never ever harm each other. Take back what you said on the blog. I thought you was my girl. I was cutting myself after he found me in our room about to do drugs with a call girl and rightly said I wasn?t good enough for him. I lost it and he saved my life.? - Amy Winehouse in a text message to blogger Perez Hilton, following a bloddy fight with her husband. [PerezHilton]

Read more…

Lindsay Finally Owns Up to Her Demons

by (@katespencer)

lohan_mugshot_070724_sm.jpgAfter getting off nice n’ easy with a plea bargain that will land the starlet with one day of jail time and ten days community service, Lindsay Lohan released the following statement admitting – finally – that she is “addicted to alcohol and drugs.” Give it a read and let us know what you think – is she fully changed or full of s**t?

“It is clear to me that my life has become completely unmanageable because I am addicted to alcohol and drugs. Recently, I relapsed and did things for which I am ashamed. I broke the law, and today I took responsibility by pleading guilty to the charges in my case. No matter what I said when I was under the influence on the day I was arrested, I am not blaming anyone else for my conduct other than myself. I thank God I did not injure others. I easily could have. I very much want to be healthy and gain control of my life and career and have asked for medical help in doing so. I am taking these steps to improve my life. Luckily, I am not alone in my daily struggle and I know that people like me have succeeded. Maybe with time it will become easier. I hope so.”

[TMZ. Booking Image]

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Winehouse: Bloody Face, Slashed Hubby

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Amy WinehouseThe latest installment of the Amy Winehouse saga has taken a left off of disturbing onto the expressway to tragic. On Thursday night the rehab-averse Winehouse was spotted ducking into a newsagent to pick up smokes, bloodied and her signature eye make-up smeared. Photos of her sliced up husband (commonly thought of as the British Kevin Federline) and Winehouse were quickly put up on PerezHilton.com, but here’s where the story takes a turn for the battered wife syndrome. After texting Amy to convey his concern, Perez receives several texts back, explaining what happened: “I was cutting myself after he found me in our room about to do drugs with a call girl and rightly said I wasn?t good enough for him. I lost it and he saved my life.” As time goes on Winehouse gets more and more agitated that Perez hasn’t posted her version of events, stating her husband “deserves the truth, he is an amazing man who saved my life again and got cut badly for his troubles. All he get is horrible stories printed about him and he just keeps quiet, but this i too much.” So let’s get this straight — he’s cool with getting sliced with razor blades and finding his wife doing drugs in a bathroom, but the final straw is “lies” on the internet?

Friday: Katie Holmes’ Embarrassing Tumble; Paris and Stavros Secretly Reconnect

by (@katespencer)

katie-holmes.jpgKatie Holmes Takes a Spill
Mrs. Cruise trips and skins her knee while walking with Suri in a massive pair of high heels. It’s the most normal thing she’s ever done! [X17]

Timberlake Conquers Hollywood
Justin continues his quest to be the ultimate renaissance man and signs on to star in a new film with Mike Myers, that surprisingly does not involve a green monster. [Variety]

Brangelina Battling Over the Kids?
There are rumors of a major fallout between the hot couple that has resulted in a spat over who gets the kids. We thought these two were really into peace? [Popbytes]

Is Paris Back With Her Ex?
The car belonging to her hunky Greek ex was spotted outside Hilton’s abode in LA. Maybe she’s trying to play catch up with Nicole. [X17]

Pete Doherty Heads Back to Rehab
Sick of this guy and his drug problems yet? Let’s hope he gets clean this time and then gets out of the public eye for good! [DListed]

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Lindsay Lohan’s No Felon

by (@katespencer)

lindsay082307.jpgThe LA County District Attorney has finally filed charges against the road raging Lindsay Lohan, and the starlet appears to be getting off easy. Boooooooo. The charges are seven misdemeanors, including two counts of driving under the influence. No felonies were brought against the star for the cocaine that was found in her car, her pants and her bloodstream, which was “below the .05 grams required by office policy for felony filing.” So what does that mean, the coke had worn off? She probably drove into the curb trying to snort a fresh line. If Linds is found guilty of both DUIs she faces up to four days in jail (we hear Nicole Richie needs a cellmate!), and it sounds like they went easy on Linds because she’s young, effed up and has been in rehab three times. A source told TMZ, “Prosecutors in this county see a lot of kids in crisis. There are lots of kids struggling with addiction. The first sign of trouble usually involves a car. We’re not going to throw every one of them in prison. It doesn’t make sense.”

So jail her for making that craptastic stripper murder movie. That makes a whole lot of sense to us. [TMZ. Image: Getty]

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