Bob Dylan: “The Kindergarten Tapes”

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Let’s assume Bob Dylan didn’t play "A Hard Rain’s Gonna Fall" when he serenaded his grandson’s kindergarten class during a string of recent school visits. Let’s assume he stuck to "Froggy Went a’Courting," instead. Evidently rock’s still-vital legend is considered just another "weird man" by some of the audience members. They’re proabably not wrong. Who knows? Maybe he tests out new material on their yet-to-be-jaded ears. Here’s what one recent track sounds like.

Tell us: which Dylan tunes would go over best with the six-year-old crowd?

Beasties Bust Beyonce (Kinda)

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The Beastie Boys have been teasing girls since Licensed to Ill dropped in ’86. But they’ve grown up a little bit. To show how mature they are these days, they’ve allegedly scrapped their plans to reference the love of Jay-Z’s life in the title of their forthcoming instrumental CD. So no, the trio’s next album won’t be called Thick, Like Beyonce’s Leg.

In fact there’s damn good chance that the album is called The Mix-Up. But don’t rule out the idea that it could be Sweet, Like J. Lo’s Rump, Phat, LIke Diddy’s Wallet, or Insane, LIke Phil Spector’s Old Hair.

Road Tales: Where The Hell Is Hill?

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Our ramp-up to Rock Honors (May 24) always includes revealing chats with the heroes themselves. Here’s a recollection of on-stage shenanigans from ZZ Top.

The Texas Trio has earned itself lots of props for getting a big-ass sound. Three guys? With Billy Gibbons’ guitar wailing, sometimes they sound like six. But one thing’s for sure: It ain’t ZZ Top if Dusty Hill isn’t plugged in.

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Report: Hova Is the Papa

by (@katespencer)

070502_jayz Problem No. 100
Report: Despite denials, Jay-Z is father of Shenelle Scott’s four-year-old son (BallerStatus)

Ballet Ya!
Outkast‘s Big Boi to work with Atlanta Ballet (RapBasement)

‘Rise Up’
Listen to R. Kelly‘s tribute to victims of the Virginia Tech shooting (R-Kelly)

A Tribe Called Quit
Phife Dog on A Tribe Called Quest‘s breakup: ‘We should have kept going’ (XXL)

Buy Curtis’ Crib
50 Cent is putting his Connecticut mansion up for sale (AllHipHop)

Fightin’ Words
Ed Lover says Tru Life slugged Cam’ron, but Cam’s camp denies it (SOHH)

Alter Ego-Trippin’
T.I./T.I.P. talks about working with/arguing with Eminem/Slim Shady (HipHopDX)

Britney Brings Back Self, Not Sexy

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Brit_comeback_2 As expected, Britney Spears played a show at San Diego’s House of Blues on Tuesday night. The show was supposed to be a secret (she was billed as the M+Ms, which is at least classier than heading a pack of Cheetos), but everyone knew about it last week. It was foolish to think that any public outing of Brit’s could be kept a secret — especially when every quip she makes is fodder for a media frenzy. Remember: "Like, America believe everything you read. Because, like, you’re smart and I’m stupid." For real!

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Pete Wentz Takes Care of Ashlee, Uganda

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WentzBeing a rock star is hard work, as Fall Out Boy bassist Pete wentz will tell you. When he’s not opening bars in New York’s East Village or attending to his tipsy pop star girlfriend, Uganda beckons, and he’s heading to the African nation on a humanitarian mission — plus keeping his eye makeup artfully smudged the entire time. On Monday night Wentz celebrated the grand opening of his bar Angels and Kings on Avenue B. The bar, which Wentz partnered with members of Gym Class Heroes to open, is "for the rejects," yet paradoxically features a VIP lounge where Wentz’s girlfriend Ashlee Simpson had a bit too much to drink the other night, forcing Wentz to curtail an interview to take care of her. Wentz also announced his July trip to Uganda to raise awareness about the conditions there. "I’m pretty excited, but also a little nervous," Wentz told the NME about his trip.

Meat Loaf & Chicken Noodle Soup

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Our Tour Survival Guide checks in with rockers about life on the road. Here’s Meat Loaf on his beauty rest, soup preferences, and recording obessions. His upcoming tour dates are here.

Pissed Off and Pushing Petty. . .
In the ?70s, I had Tom Petty opening up for me for awhile. I had Dire Straits opening up for me. I had Eddie Money opening up for me. There?s more: I just can?t remember them all. I was warming up my voice one night and Tom Petty told me to shut up. I guess the walls in the dressing rooms were thin. I?m loud. He was like, ?Shut up!? I think at the moment, it pissed me off. Back then — that would have been early ?77, we were in Cleveland, at the Agora — I?m surprised I didn?t bust through the wall of the dressing room into [his] room, throw [him] back into mine and say, ?Come here, you?re listening anyway!? That was my intensity, then. I?m pretty intense now, but back then — whew!

Beauty Rest
Sleep is the most important thing on the tour  – a key issue for me. [I have to get] eight hours, or we don?t move. The road managers get e-mails from me if I can?t sleep: ?Bill, it is now 5:30 in the morning. I am not asleep. We will not leave at 1 p.m. I?m predicting that I?ll be asleep in half an hour, which means we?ll leave at . . . 6, 12, 2 . . . 2:30 p.m.? I?m a night owl on tour.

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Kanye’s Mom: My Son Loves Porn

by (@katespencer)

070501_kanye Kanye West has already come clean about his obsession with porn. Now it’s his mom’s turn to talk about the rap superstar’s fleshy fixation.

In her memoir about her son, "Raising Kanye," Donda West talks about a young Kanye’s obsession with porn growing up. According to his mom, Kanye would take adult magazines with him to grade school, then graduated to smuggling pornographic videos into the house by the time he was in high school. The habit became such a problem that Donda, a college professor, eventually made him write a full-blown research paper entitled, "The Impact of Watching X-rated Movies on a Teen-age Boy."

The famed MC ‘fessed up to being hooked on porn about a year ago. "My only drug is porn," he admitted.

Maybe it’s time for a new thesis, K.W. … "The Impact of Porn on a College Dropout," anyone?

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Courtney Puts Kurt On the Block

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KurtAfter running out of items of her own oversized clothing to sell on eBay, Courtney Love has moved on to the possessions of deceased husband and former Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain. "I’m going to have a Christie’s auction," Love said. While she hasn’t yet decided on specific items that will be for sale, she claims her house is a "mausoleum" and her daughter doesn’t need to inherit "a giant Hefty bag full of flannel f*cking shirts." Daughter Frances Bean’s legacy? "A sweater, a guitar and the lyrics to ‘Teen Spirit’ — that’s what my daughter gets." Love has slowly been selling off Cobain’s legacy, parting with 25% of his musical catalog last year.

What items would you want from Kurt Cobain’s wardrobe?

Christians ‘Cross’ With 50 Cent

by (@katespencer)

070430_50cent As if getting attacked by Cam’ron and The Game wasn’t enough, 50 Cent now has a new partner in beef: Christians.

The Resistance, a radical Christian organization that gained recognition after saying Jessica Simpson was "whoring herself out," is now attacking 50 Cent for wearing the cross as a fashion statement.

"50 Cent is no Christian, and if you listen to his lyrics it becomes clear that he is more of a Satanist than anything," said Resistance founder Mark Dice. Dice went on to say that 50 is defaming the cross by wearing it while rapping about "killing people for no reason," and said that it would be more appropriate for Curtis Jackson to wear a "large, diamond-studded platinum satanic pentagram."

What do you think: Should 50 cut the cross from his neck, or should he be allowed to wear what he wants?