Lily Allen Low on Gas

by (@katespencer)

Lillyallen British firebrand and neo-ska star Lily Allen has cancelled most of her current American tour. According to a post on her MySpace page, she?s not really feeling it: ?I am tired, but, more than that, I don?t think I have been giving my best performances recently. I have been getting really drunk because I?ve been so nervous about doing bad shows, and I don?t want people spending money on going to see a show that isn?t the best it could be.? Die-hards will still be able to see Allen perform at a few dates, Coachella and Bonnaroo among them, but her tour?s been truncated. In not-unrelated news, other burgeoning British female artists Lady Sovereign and Amy Winehouse have each had problems with live appearances lately: the former cancelling her U.K. tour because of exhaustion, the latter cancelling selected dates in various countries for a variety of reasons, poor girl. What?s up, Brits? Too much touring? Or too much infighting?

Bryan Ferry Praises Nazis, Realizes Mistake, Apologizes

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Ferry

Taking a page from the playbooks of Joy Division and David Bowie, former Roxy Music singer Bryan Ferry praised Nazis in an interview to publicize his new record Dylanesque, due out June 19. Ferry told German publication Welt am Sonntag he found the aesthetics of Nazi Germany "amazing" and calls his London recording studio "the Fuhrerbunker." "My God, the Nazis knew how to put themselves in the limelight and present themselves," Ferry said. Several Jewish organizations were outraged by the remarks, forcing Ferry to retract them. "I apologize unreservedly for any offense caused by my comments on Nazi iconography, which were solely made from an art history perspective."

Does this affect whether you’d buy Bryan Ferry’s albums?

Romeo Goes Trojan

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070416_romeo Bow Wow may be flying up the charts, but his partner-in-beef Romeo is the teen MC who’s truly got game right now.

In a hip-hop first, Percy "Romeo" Miller (nee "Lil’ Romeo") will play college basketball for surging West Coast powerhouse USC next season. The move is unprecedented — while many pro hoopsters have tried to cut it in the rap game, Romeo is out to become the first chart-topping MC to go from mics to Nikes. In fact, the only bigtime rapper to get this far up the sports ladder was none other than Romeo’s father, Master P, who tried out for a handful of NBA teams after playing college ball at the University of Houston.

Congratulations to the Millers for making the sports world say, "Huhhh?"

Ball’s in your court, Bow Wow.

Brit Flexes Her Wit

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Britney_x17rantOver the weekend, Britney Spears delivered what might be the performance of her career: a rant into a paparazzo’s video camera that’s heavy on the Valley Girl accent and even heavier on the sarcasm. Or, uh, something. Watch the video here, but don’t expect to understand it: as Brit says with facetiousness heavier than a five-pound bag of Cheetos, "America believe everything you read. Because, like, you’re smart and I’m stupid." Yo, America, Britney Spears just called you stupid. That’s like a manatee dissing your curves. How does that make you feel?

And since you’re so stupid, we thought we’d help you out with a line-by-line translation of Brit’s speech after the jump. For real: come on, y’all.

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Kelly Gets Her Siouxsie On

by (@katespencer)

Clarkson_2

Guess Kelly Clarkson’s iPod has more on it than just Avril Lavigne and Martina McBride. "Never Again," a fierce new eff-off track from her forthcoming disc, contains the faintest wisps of — yikes! — Siouxsie and the Banshees. With chiming 80s guitar, pummelling tom-tom thuds, and goth opera vocals that rub her ex’s face in the mude ("I hope the ring you gave her turns her finger green/I hope when you’re in bed with her you think of me"), Clarkson brings her vicious side to the table. Does this mean that Ashlee Simpson‘s next joint will tilt toward PJ Harvey?

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Oz Pulls Wonka With Ticket Giveaway

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Ozzy

In addition to "Lovable TV Dad" and "Prince of F*cking Darkness," Ozzy Osbourne can add "Willy Wonka-Style Concert Promoter" to his job description. While promoting his annual Ozzfest — the metal event of the summer featuring Hatebreed, Lamb of God and Eurovision titans Lordi — Oz announced tickets for the fest are free. As if that itself didn’t merit throwing the devil horns, select copies of his first album of orginal material in six years, Black Rain, will contain a secret code that gives lucky fans the opportunity at priority tickets four days before the public gets their hands on them.

Will you buy Ozzy’s latest for a shot at good seats?

Rapping Squirrel: WTF Wordsworth?

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Rap In an effort to seduce visitors, Cumbria Tourism has released a rap video. Officials who work for the bucolic English countryside decided it would be a good idea to give the area?s image a 2007 overhaul. With that in mind, they made this clip, which features a man dressed in a squirrel suit, rapping ?Daffodils,? also known as ?I Wandered Lonely As a Cloud.? ?Daffodils,? as you might remember from your high school English classes, is a poem by William Wordsworth, the Romantic poet who died in 1850. Wordsworth lived in Cumbria, which helps explain this video. A little. But can anyone explain the squirrel?

Stevie to Linds: Actually, DO Stop

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Stevie Fleetwood Mac fox and original California bad girl Stevie Nicks has slammed rumors of Lindsay Lohan playing her in a biopic about the singer’s life. In an interview in this month’s Blender magazine, the Gold Dust Woman addresses a question about La Lohan’s aspirations: "Lindsay Lohan thinks she is going to play me! But what the hell movie does she think she’s talking about? There is no book, there is no screenplay, there is no movie. There is never going to be a movie made without me, because it’s never going to be the story of me….So good luck, Lindsay."

The tartlet has never been shy about her Nicks obsession, covering "Edge of Seventeen" on her A Little More Personal album.

Tough break, Linds. Might we suggest Night of a Thousand Stevies?

Ne-Yo to Save Whit’s Matrix

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In the movie "The Matrix," Neo saves the world from technology run amok.

070412_neyo_whitney In the R&B matrix, Ne-Yo is out to save Whitney Houston. From herself.

The superstar writa ternt sanga has been called in by none other than Clive Davis to rework Whitney’s upcoming comeback album, and according to Ne-Yo, he got there just in time.

"(All the songs) had the one same theme, which was ‘My name is Whitney Houston and this is my triumphant comeback,’" Ne-Yo told The Sun after hearing eight cuts off the record. "I’m sure we all get that (she’s suffered a lot) but I think she needs songs about regular everyday life. So that’s what I’m planning to add to the album — songs about everyday emotions."

Meanwhile, Ne-Yo’s own "everyday emotions" — not to mention those of his female co-stars — are on full display in the video for his sexed-up hit, "Because of You."

America’s New Attraction: Mt. Rockmore

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07mtrushmore


Proving that there?s no low baby boomers won?t sink to, a rock ?n? roll theme park is set to open in Myrtle Beach next spring. Called Hard Rock Park (because it?s associated with Hard Rock Caf?, of course), the 150-acre playground will provide opportunities for 30,000 enthusiasts to ride the music, every single day. Though individual attractions have yet to be announced, we?re all aflutter over here, wondering whether the rides will be able to incorporate rock ?n? roll?s all-important sex and drugs elements into their design. We shudder to guess at who will be honored with a roller coaster (John Bonham? Bon Scott? Janis Joplin?). We also loathe to speculate whose name will grace the shooting gallery (Courtney Love? 50 Cent? Phil Spector?). Basically, there?s no end to the bad puns we could make here, which is sort of the point. After all, the park already unveiled Mount Rockmore — a 250-ton sand sculpture that features the faces of Elvis, John Lennon, Hendrix and Bob Marley, as its groundbreaking mascot. Way to respect the artists, Hard Rock Park!