Once again, fall transitions into winter, and once again you’re in the house looking at your ex’s Facebook page. Not that you wouldn’t look at your ex’s Facebook page during other seasons, but it’s cold(er) and you’re more apt to have aimless web browsing nights where you just happen to end up there. Not your fault!
Friendly reminder, all you Drakes out there: being miserable is a choice, and if you want to take steps to cultivate some holiday cheer, you can start right now. In a baptism-by-fire sort of way, let’s begin by getting the remaining sad ickiness out of your system, and go full-throttle into the carefully crafted playlist below, shall we?
Weepy sonic therapy ahead…
Quick question. Would you rather be cuddled up with someone you enjoy spending time with all winter, or lonely and depressed? There’s certainly nothing wrong with flying solo, but if “lacking intimacy” doesn’t sound like your ideal set of circumstances from now through February, listen up! The primary goal during Cuffing Season is to find yourself a consistent relationship (or, at the bare minimum, a steady hookup partner) to last you through the winter months when, let’s face it, you’re more than likely gonna be stuck indoors most nights (word to snow boots, wind chill factors, and ice-glazed sidewalks).
Luckily, songstress Vivian Green recently sat down with VH1 Tuner, and just because she prefers to let her romantic life pan out organically doesn’t mean Viv was at a loss for words when we asked her to address her fans with some survival tips for entering the daunting Cuffing Season arena. In the clip above, the “Anything Out There” vocalist delivers a PSA of sorts, and her suggestions for approaching the Game of Cuffs are definitely useful to all.
Here on VH1 Tuner, we’ve been supplying you with music to whet the Cuffin’ Season appetite all week long. Even though the find-a-mate scramble doesn’t officially begin until September 22nd, we wanted to help pysch you up and give you all an advantage over the competition. To bring you up to speed, we’ve already covered the following bases:
MONDAY: Let My Love Adorn You: Scooping A Hopeless Romantic
TUESDAY: I Wanna Be Down: Reeling-In A Distracted Workaholic
WEDNESDAY: Doin’ It Well: Bagging The No-Holds-Barred Freak
THURSDAY: We Belong Together: Pulling A (They’re Already Taken) Robbery
Let’s face it: some people just don’t want to be in a relationship. Speculating on why your crush may want to fly solo can keep you up at night, so instead of driving your ego into a tizzy, let today’s playlist soften the blow and remind you that you’re not alone.
If you thought yesterday’s Doin’ It Well playlist geared toward freaks was a tad scandalous, today’s Cuffin Season topic might really send your moral compasses whirling. In matters of the heart, we sometimes can’t control where our affections land, amiright? And in some instances, brewing feelings for someone who’s already in a relationship can be an unexpected reality that hits your bubble of awareness after it’s too late.
What’s the code of ethics to abide by when your heart and loins are telling you one thing, and your mind’s screaming the opposite? I’m no moral arbiter, but I do know one thing: whether the apple of your eye has been happily taken for years or is in the midst of a rocky separation from their significant other, wanting to scoop up someone who’s already cuffed is never an easy set of circumstances to end up in. The situations vary for everyone, too! Maybe your crush has no idea that you’re silently swooning in their presence, or maybe they’re aware of your feelings and have been stringing you along for months, dangling a I’ll-be-single-soon carrot in front of your face. Perhaps they’re recently single, but are still moping and fawning over their ex. Maybe they sincerely care for you and see a future together, but have been stuck in a repetitive break-up-to-make-up cycle that, from your vantage point, seems unlikely to end soon. Any of this drama sounding familiar, or am I just projecting?
As we’ve been noting all week, it’s
Coitus Cuffin’ Season, and there’s an elephant in the room that needs to be addressed. As you woo your Cuff targets over the next few months, it’s important to stay confident and keep your eye on the prize. Flowers and romantic candlelit dinners are cute and all, but if you’re looking to successfully procure a lasting relationship partner who’s not shy in the bedroom, you’ve got to make sure that you’re ready to, borrowing wisdom from Cuban Link, make it hotter than lava when you climb up in the cama.
Don’t worry, you got this! And if you’re a smidge apprehensive, I got you. Monday we made some suggestions for dealing with Hopeless Romantics, and yesterday we brought up the topic of reeling-in the Distracted Workaholics. Today’s lesson though, is a bit more intimate. And naughty. And for you conventional types, potentially offensive. Below you’ll find Doin’ It Well: Bagging A No-Holds-Barred Freak, a Spotify playlist molded to rev your sexual engines in preparation for what happens “Between The Sheets.”
Yesterday we introduced you to the calendarized concept of Cuffin’ Season, the time of year when folks start keeping their eyes open for a stable boo to hold them down through winter. Since we’re in Cuffin’ pre-season, it’s important that you get with the program – September 22nd is right around the corner, and a lack of early strategy might leave even the most sought-after single catches in the dust.
Each day this week, we’re unleashing Spotify playlists to help you both mentally prepare for suiters to reveal themselves and get inspired to start making your own roster of potential Cuffin’ candidates. Last night’s playlist was compiled with the Hopeless Romantics in mind, and today’s is geared toward a more challenging target: The Distracted Workaholics. You know the type. He or she is so career-minded, they’re almost impossible to pin down. During the day, they’re in meetings and deliver you delayed responses, and they’re working so late that your dinners turn into “let’s just get a drink,” or get canned altogether. But you like this person – a lot – because being focused and ambitious is attractive, and dating a bread-winner has a nice little caché to it. That, and you’re pretty sure the feelings are reciprocated, evidenced when they come up for air full-force, showering you with apologies and make-good efforts that flip your frown upside-down. Can that sort of inconsistency make for a good foundation, though?
Summer’s on its way out, y’all, and despite the fact that it’s been an amazing one, the time has come to switch gears and start preparing for the colder months. If you’re anything like me, you’ve been secretly daydreaming of pumpkin spice lattes and outerwear weather for the last few weeks — afraid to tell your friends though, because they’ll accuse you of wishing summer away. But beyond the autumn staples we love to ingest and layer on, there are also some more important priorities to consider, like who will be keeping you warm during those nights when the crisp fall air zips into your open bedroom window. Burr. No Gucci Mane.
With that in mind, there are a few things you need to know now that it’s nearly Cuffin’ Season. Officially kicking off on September 22nd, the primary goal during Cuffin’ Season is to find yourself a consistent relationship or hookup partner to last you through the winter months when, let’s face it, you’re more than likely gonna be stuck indoors most nights. All the late-night partying and random flings that summertime afforded you will quickly become less appealing when words like “wind chill factor” once again start becoming part of our daily lexicon, so now’s the time to take a good look around and determine which potential love-interests are out there to settle down with before they get scooped up. You don’t want to find yourself bored, horny, and needing some companionship in the house all winter long, do you?
To bring you up to speed, we’re currently in Cuffin’ pre-season, mourning the impending loss of our most savage summer nights and kissing all that skin we’ve been feasting our eyes on goodbye. No more muscle Ts or spaghetti strap dresses; we’re all about that scarf and hoodie life now. Time is of the essence to lock-in a good candidate to cuff this year, and like the good folks at ToySldrs.com said when they unleashed this year’s Cuffin’ Season calendar, “You don’t wing excellence.”