Sorry, regular peeps. There is absolutely no chance you’ll be considered for the role of god-father to the new golden gods, Knox and Vivienne Jolie-Pitt. Super famous kids need super famous godparents, and Bono‘s getting the job, soley for the reason that it’s pretty f*cking cool to get money on your birthday every year from the dude who sings “With Or Without You.” Also, Brad and Angie are star f*ckers. Need examples?
1. A source says: “They have been friends for years. Brad is a massive U2 fan and told Bono how much he admired him when they were introduced at a party a few years back.”
2. The same source reveals: “Angelina is inspired by Bono’s humanitarian work and gets on with his wife Ali Hewson. Ali’s given Angelina some clothes from her ethical clothing range Edun.”
OMG! It’s the back of Halle Berry‘s baby! [Bossip]
Speaking of babies, Nicole Kidman is back out in public, and she looks like she never even gave birth. Jerk! [DListed]
18-year old Hayden Panettiere refused to let her much older boyfriend - Milo Ventimiglia – move into her house. Smart move – especially because it’s basically illegal. [I’mNotObsessed]
Katie Holmes‘ transformation into pale alien is almost complete. [ICYDK]
Ice-T and CoCo wear pink. Cute or creepy? [YBF]
Annoying Lauren Conrad masters casual chic, the color purple. [Jezebel]
Jen Aniston should know that snooping through your boyfriend’s sh*t is always going to lead to discovering something you don’t want to see – naked pics, a dream journal – so why is she digging around John Mayer‘s guitar case? Jen supposedly came upon a bunch of love letters written to the rocker from ex-flame Jessica Simpson, and she was reportedly “hurt.” Yeah, our eyes would hurt to having to look her chicken scratch. A source – probably Papa Joe Simpson – said the letters were “very touching and well written,” forgetting to add “for an idiot.” [NYP]
Lindsay Lohan gets a bad rap for being a bit, er, troubled, but we really can’t blame her. The starlet has a notoriously screwed up family, and her dad epitomizes the drama – he’s a recovering addict, has spent time in jail, and loves loves LOVES the press. He also claims to love his daughter, but we don’t buy it. Apparently neither does Lindsay, who has been ignoring her dad’s phone calls. How do we know? A voicemail Michael apparently left for Lindsay has leaked, and let’s just say it sounds a little desperate. He begs her to call him back, and promises never to mention her to the press again. Rightttt. We’re sure daddy’s little LiLo, who turned 22 yesterday, is just loving the latest birthday gift from her old man – a secret sister.
Our fave part of Michael’s rambling message is below – listen to the whole thing here.
Look, I love you honey. Please, please don’t do this anymore. Pick up the phone and talk to me. Everything from now on is between you and me. And I promise you, I will not go back on it, I will not break my word…I promise you, I’ll keep questions out of the press, when it comes to you I promise. Just please, please, honey, call me or pick up the phone. You need to promise me.
Jennifer Lopez loves her scrawny husband; we love her hot bag.? [Jezebel]
Amy Winehouse’s dad dragged his daughter home from the pub and locked her in the house. Finally!? [DListed]
Angelina‘s twins are weeks away from being born. Everybody can chill out – especially you, Shiloh!? [Seriously? OMG!]
Janet and JD look fine en France for fashion week. Ohh la love it!? [YBF]
The cast of Friends is reuniting for a movie based on the TV show. Do not want!? [I’mNotObsessed]
Suri Cruise caught playing with her favorite toy – a $100 bill.? [JustJared]
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! This kid isn’t even definitely Lindsay Lohan‘s biological sister yet, but the girl already supposedly wants to record an album. HA! Sounds like Michael Lohan‘s been whispering sweet nothings of nonsense in this poor tween’s ear. Ashley Kaufman, who Lohan may have fathered 13 years ago (we’re anxiously awaiting the paternity test results), is possibly ripe with talent, as an anonymous “record-industry insider” asserts that, “Ashley has more talent than Lindsay or Ali.?
Wow! We’d love to meet this insider – is his name Michael Lohan perhaps? A different family insider also jumps on the Ashley train, snapping, “Ashley?s singing ability just proves that the family talent comes from Michael (Lohan), not Dina Lohan.?
Um – who ever said anything about Lohan “family talent?” Poor Ashley shouldn’t get her hopes up – the only thing Lohans are good at is being crazy. Let’s hope the talent gene skipped her!? [MSNBC]
Um…If both she and her hubby are at a party, who is watching J.Lo’s nanny-less twins?? [DListed]
Ashlee and Pete are totally having a boy. Guyliner sounds like a great present for the little guy!? [ICYDK]
Lily and Lindsay hang together in LA – but are they singing together too?? [Seriously? OMG!]
Benji Madden thinks gal pal Paris Hilton is “pure.” This just in – Benji Madden is crazy.? [I’mNotObsessed]
Vanessa Hudgens is annoyingly adorable. Gr.? [CelebSlam]
Wow - Donald Trump’s kid got really big. Wasn’t he just born?? [Jezebel]
Spencer Pratt needs more publicity, apologizes to Mary-Kate Olsen for some creep thing he did once.? [Us]
Sienna Miller is apparently an actress, but we know her best from all the marriages she wrecks. Here’s a new one!? [DListed]
Jen Aniston is horny for more Mayer, and we like it!? [Seriously? OMG!]
Diva-in-training Megan Fox hates other brunettes and banned them from her movie set. Does she need to be reminded that she’s engaged to Brian Austin Green? [I’mNotObsessed]
Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson held hands this weekend!? [WWTDD]
Anne Hathaway totally turned her sketchy boyfriend in to the FBI. [ICYDK]
Ali Lohan‘s awkwardly teary tantrum caught on tape!? [Jezebel]
15-year old Miley Cyrus is finally breaking her silence about that infamous Vanity Fair pic of her wrapped topless in a sheet. You know the one. She had previously said she was “embarassed” by the pics, but now she seems to be seeing the upside of such a scandal.
?I was embarrassed, but also it?s like, every career thing that I do can’t be perfect, and sometimes my decisions are wrong. I think that just makes me even more relatable.?
She is right – everyone can relate to doing stupid sh*t in high school. The difference is we didn’t have a bedroom full of Benjamins to come home to and cry in at night. Stars: they’re still not like us, no matter how many regretful topless photos they take! [MSNBC]
Hurray! The greatest celebrity feud has just begun. Animal-lover Pam Anderson labeled Jessica Simpson a “bitch and whore” in an interview, after the singer was spotted wearing a t-shirt that read “Real Girls Eat Meat.” Yup, it’s pot and kettle time! She went on to say, “Actually, I don’t know if she was talking about food or men.” Dissed!
Pam Anderson is a vegetarian, among other things, but still we’ve gotta call bullsh*t on her for a couple of reasons.
1. She may not eat meat, but she wears it. While she renounced Uggs in 2007, she stuck her feet deep into those sheepskin boots for years. And seriously, if you can’t figure out those are made of animal fur and skin, then should you really be talking?
2. Google “Pam Anderson sex tape” and you get 1,750,000 results. So really, Pam, who you callin’ a whore?