MTV VMAs

by (@katespencer)

Britney May Lose Her Babies & Her Mind

Things that would make any normal 25-year old twice divorced mother-of-two millionaire with crappy hair extensions go crazy:

  1. Your whale of an ex-bodyguard (who you allegedly fired when he didn’t hear you command him to retrieve a hat) coming forward to accuse you of doing drugs and prancing around naked in front of your kids (Mad props to Brit if she does both of these at the same time – that’s so “Jim Morrison cool!”)
  2. Your longtime lawyer and short-time manager quitting on the same day. Cuz your custody battles sucks as much as your career.
  3. Temporarily losing custody of your children. It’s only fun to party when they’re at the mansion with you!
  4. Being showed up by a guy in a cheap wig and control top panties (see boy Britney in the vid above) who performs your VMAs routine better than you did – and looks hotter while doing so. Ouchtastic.

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by (@katespencer)

The Weekly Wrap Up: Britney Bombs, Kanye Hides & New York Picks Her Guys

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Friday: Britney In Talks To Repeat VMAs Disaster at the Emmys

Britney SpearsBritney Wants to Give Us More; We’re Not So Interested
The aging orange-colored pop tart is allegedly in discussions with Emmy producers about this Sunday’s show. It seems she might want to apologize to the nation for her performance last Sunday at the VMAs. Sidebar: Anyone rent Groundhog Day lately? [Us Weekly]

Embarrassed Vanessa Hudgens Cancels on Leno
After the full-frontal nudie pix of the star circulated the Net, Hudgens decided to lay low and keep out of the spotlight for awhile. That’s understandable, except that it’s a strategy that won’t work. The soundtrack to High School Musical 2 has sold eleventy-billion copies, and for the under 15-set, she’s more famous than anyone, basically. [E Online]

O.J. Arrested After Vegas B&E
Looks like Mr. If I Did It has done it again. The Juice, a once respected football player and mildly comedic actor, was arrested on suspicion of breaking into a Las Vegas hotel room. He was released. Then he sort-of-kind-of confessed. It’s all very confusing. [TMZ]

Fred Durst’s Voice Isn’t His Only Deadly Weapon
The Limp Bizkit singer pleaded no-contest to charges that he tried to plow into two people with his car back in October of last year. [Hollywood.com]

Tori Spelling Goes to Broadway
Tori and her husband Dean might co-star in the Broadway production of Chicago. Hey, big spenders, won’t you spend a little time with us? [People]

by (@katespencer)

Thursday: Brit Sprayed on Fake Abs for VMAs, Mary-Kate Hates Wearing Clothes

britneyspears_0912.jpgBrangelina Bolts From Big Apple
Now you see them, now you don’t. The Bran Clan jets from New York City and heads to…who knows? Disney World? Paris? The moon? They just can’t seem to settle down. [JustJared]

Britney Fakes Her Toned Abs
Reports reveal that the singer used “ab-defining spray” to give the illusion of a toned tummy. Sounds like a Criss Angel magic trick! [Us Weekly]

Eve Thirsty for Free Vodka
Eve’s booze-monitoring ankle bracelet is off, and she’s out celebrating her love of all things alcoholic out on the town. Sounds appropriate – for getting in trouble with the law again.? [NYPost]

Diddy?s Diamonds Goin? to Court

The hip hop mogul is going to court for assault and must bring his diamond rings with him, so his accuser can see if the size and shape of the jewels match his injuries bling-juries. [E Online]

Mary-Kate Olsen Runs Around Naked
The actress takes the lead over her sister in their “Which Twin is More Fun” Contest after revealing that she loves to run around her house dressed only in jewelry. [Us Weekly]

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Britney and Madonna: Terrorist Targets?

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Britney Spears and Madonna have been threatened with forcible Islamic conversion and, if that doesn’t work, death. The hate-slinging comes courtesy of Muhammad Abdel-Al, mouthpiece and senior leader of the Popular Resistance Committees, a militant Palestinian organization that reps the Gaza Strip. According to a new book, Schmoozing With Terrorists, Mo promises that, “if these two prostitutes keep doing what they will do, we of course will punish them…We can stone them and even we can kill them.” He’s also quoted as having proclaimed:

If I meet these whores I will have the honor ? I repeat, I will have the honor ? to be the first one to cut the heads off Madonna and Britney Spears if they will keep spreading their satanic culture against Islam.

Leave it to religious fundamentalists to take music criticism to a new level. They often get called out by Westerners for being “backwards,” but clearly, they are innovators. [WorldNetDaily / Image credit: Getty]

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by (@katespencer)

Britney’s VMAs Flop: Conspiracy Theories

If you have two eyes and watched Britney move around on the VMAs stage like a tired raver trying to dance at 10AM after a night of hardcore clubbing, you’ll know that there really is no conspiracy involving her crappy performance. Britney straight up sucked it, but the excuses and stories keep pouring in placing the blame for Brit’s disaster on anyone and anything. We break ‘em down below, and all they really prove is that Brit is still a sloppy mess with ratty hair.

The Boot Heel:

Theory – Britney’s boot heel snapped at the beginning of the performance (check out the video “proving” this theory above).

Response - Maybe, but a broken boot heel doesn’t put a glazed look in one’s eye.


The Hairdresser:

Theory - Ken Paves – Jessica Simpson’s elfish hair stylist – was supposed to do Brit’s mane but quit at the last minute, after Brit was difficult to work with. So the singer supposedly styled her own hair with extensions from Jessica Simpson’s Hair-U-Wear line.

Response – So that’s why her hair looked so cheap! It’ still no excuse for forgetting how to lipsynch.

The Fat Pig:

Theory - MTV wanted Britney to wear a “form-flattering corset,” but Brit opted for that bikini number instead. Shortly before the show, she had an epiphany: She no longer has the body of a teenager.

Response - This doesn’t explain her failure on-stage, but maybe why she supposedly cried ?Oh, my God, I looked like a fat pig! I looked like a fat pig!? as she ran off-stage after her flop. Brit – for the record, you may have sucked, but you looked nice n’ healthy in that fugly bikini.

[Video via DListed]

by (@katespencer)

Wednesday: J. Lo Rocks A New Belly, MTV Still Loves Kanye

jenniferlopez0912.jpgLindsay: Back in Court
Even though she’s in rehab, LiLo can’t escape the law, as the actress is being forced back to court to deal with a 2005 car accident. It’s almost like she’s addicted to driving like an idiot. [E Online]

Pics: Is That a J. Lo Baby Bump?
The starlet looks like she’s got a tiny baby bulge behind that fancy dress (check out the pic!). Is there a little Lopez on the way? [Just Jared]

Ashlee’s Two Men Duke It Out
Simpson’s dad and boyfriend battled with a nightclub bodyguard who pushed the starlet. Sounds real chivalrous – but what was she doing hanging with her father? [NYDN]

Timberlake Loses Voice, Cancels Shows
Aw, poor Justin. All that hollerin’ he did at the VMAs has finally caught up with him. Guess you can only bring so much sexiness back before it starts to wreck you. [Us Weekly]

MTV Attempts Peace with Kanye

The network tried to make nice with the whiny star, who vowed never to work with MTV again. Just give the guy a couple moon men so he’ll shut the eff up. [People]

by (@katespencer)

Britney’s Fans Are Crazier Than She Is

There’s something so painful about this “Britney Fan” that we dare you to try to watch this clip and not immediately want to crawl under your desk in the fetal position and shut yourself off from the world for a year or too. We did not see tears, as the video’s creator claims exists (yes, we watched it in full screen, it was hellish), but we’re sure Britney could learn a thing or two from Chris Crocker‘s performance skills. We would also like to argue that Britney has indeed performed on a stage recently. Remember those “secret shows” she did? So right. Poor, poor Britney. If we leave her alone, Chris, will you stop making horrifying YouTube videos? K’thanks.

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by (@katespencer)

Tommy Lee Dishes on “Kid Pebble” Fight

kidrockvmas.jpgWell it’s a good thing Tommy Lee took to his personal blog to clear up the rumors about his fight with Kid Rock. We had read that Tommy had been taunting Kid all night, but now we know that he was just sitting there, minding his business, and was innocently attacked by the Detroit rap-rocker. Of course! How could we be so stupid. So why would Kid Rock smack Tommy unprovoked? He was probably pissed off that he wore a stripper’s cropped cowboy shirt to an awards show.

Read Tommy’s (edited down) blog post and let us know who you think is in the wrong:

Yeah!! …..here I am minding my own biz having a great time……Pamela comes and sits on my lap who I love and adore….and i get a text from another friend P. Diddy and he says come sit with me…..and he’s sitting with Miss HOT Megan FOX so I go over and sit with P! Not a minute later and Alicia Keys starts her amazing performance….I get a tap on the shoulder from Kid Pebble…I stand up and embrace him with a semi hug and say “Hey dude…What up”?? He punches me in the face…..well if ya wanna call it that!?….more like a bitch slap!…….Wuss!!

[Image: Getty]

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by (@katespencer)

Brit Chugged Booze Instead of Rehearsing

britneyspears_vmas.jpgNow we know why Brit was stumbling around during her Sunday night VMAs performance – her body wasn’t used to doing the dance steps without a liter of frozen margaritas inside of it. Word is out that Brit was uber-late to her rehearsals in Vegas, and skipped being on time in favor of downing the frozen drink in her hotel room. When she finally made it to her rehearsal over three hours late, she came with an alcoholic bevy in hand. A source said, “She didn’t even get to Las Vegas until 4:30 p.m. It was ridiculous . . . The production people at MTV were freaking out . . . Nobody can tell Britney what to do anymore. No one can control her. She is a mess.”

For more Britastic disasters, tune into VH1 tonight for All Access: Britney’s Most Shocking Year Ever. This new special will take you through the pop tart’s transformation from hot single mama to the bald and boozey flasher she has become in less than twelve months. If you’ve been longing to see Brit attack the paps with her umbrella or ruin her mane with some shaving shears, VH1 has got you covered – tonight at 8:30 PM!

[NYP. Image: Getty]

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