The Hills

by (@katespencer)

More Musical Crap From Heidi Montag

If your delicate ears can take it, Heidi Montag has leaked yet another one of her singles, and she wants you to listen. Is your stomach strong enough to handle this crap? Her latest “song” is titled “One More Drink,” and you can probably guess what it’s about – getting hammered! Wow, Heidi is really creating songs about those oh-so important, pivotal moments in life, huh? Nothing says world-changing lyrics like “sipping on that happy juice.” Seriously.

Enjoy it here.

by (@katespencer)

The Worst Heidi Montag Song Ever (For Now)

There.are.no.words.

Well that’s not entirely true – we can think of a couple words to describe Heidi Montag‘s new single “Fashion”. “Total crap” comes to mind, for example. Watching Heidi pursue a music career is liking watching a cat try to swim. It just ain’t gonna happen! The plastic princess has released her latest “song,” which totally reps her token sound: voice-morphing electronics, terrible lyrics, and an uncomfortably weird, unidentifiable French accent used to describe the clothes that make Heidi go crazy . In other words, it’s awesome!

Click here to enjoy such mind-blowing lyrics like “Oh oh la la la, we love designers,” and “I’m so fierce that it’s so nuts.” But the best line of all? “I live to be model thin.” Inspiring young women to destroy their bodies one beat at a time. Nice work Heidi!

by (@katespencer)

Heidi Montag’s Fake Duet with Britney

britney-heidi-030308.jpg

We just listened to the worst song ever created by humans, and want to share it with your precious ears. Listen to it here, but be warned, it is atrocious. But that’s also what makes it so effing enjoyable. The offenders? Heidi Montag and Britney mother-effing Spears! The song – which debuted this morning on Ryan Seacrest‘s radio show – is a duet between the two blonds, who sing some sort of garbage about a dude who deserves dumping. But Perez Hilton is reporting that while both ladies technically sing on the track, Britney never authorized the song’s release and knew nothing about it! His source says, “Heidi and Spencer got their hands on an old demo recording of Britney’s that never made it onto any of her albums…They decided to turn it into a duet instead of having Heidi re-record the song with just her vocals because they knew they’d get more press this way.”

There goes poor Brit, gettin’ used again. But we think this song is kind of a good thing for our troubled starlet, because compared to the tone-deaf Montag, she sounds AMAZING.

by (@katespencer)

Heidi Cried Over Crappy Video

heidicries.jpgPoor little Heidi from The Hills lost it when she discovered people on the internet were saying mean things about her budget music video for her song “Higher!” Has she just now discovered what the world wide web is all about? The wannabee singer claimed that she “started sobbing uncontrollably,” after discovering the disses, and cried herself to sleep. There is a very simple solution to all of this – don’t put garbage on the web. Stop posing for staged pictures on the beach in nothing but a string bikini. Don’t get “engaged” to your devil boyfriend on a reality TV show. Don’t make a PG-rated sex tape and stick it up on the internet. Easy!
Heidi claims the video was just a spur of the moment thing. “We did it in one take, maybe two, and it took us 20 minutes to film and cost us zero dollars,” she said. That right there is a sign to never show it to anyone, ever. Hopefully the plastic princess has learned her lesson and will find a way to make it big without big mistakes. After all, she’s “just a 21-year-old from a small town in Colorado trying to follow her dreams.”? [Us]

by (@katespencer)

Friday: Family Bids Heath Farewell

heathledger.jpgJessica Balks at Break Up Rumors
Simpson is suing the mag that claimed Tony Romo is desperate to dump her, which only makes her seem that much more annoying. [TMZ]

Brit?s Bud Sam Lufti Grilled in Deposition
K-Fed’s lawyers went after Brit’s sidekick Sam, attempting to discover what Britney drinks, thinks and does all day long. Try: vodka, little and nothing.? [TMZ]

Angelina Knocked Up with Twins?
Brangelina is well on their way to creating their own country of adorable, well-dressed kids.? [Star]

Ledger Family?s Last Messages to Heath
The Aussie fam left their son/brother heartbreaking messages in their local Aussie paper. Read them and weep.? [Us]

Heidi & Spencer: Paid for Paparazzi Shots?
The most hated couple from The Hills has a not-so-secret deal with a photo agency that pays them cash for all those posed shots.? [Jossip]

by (@katespencer)

Thursday: Rumble in The Hills

hills-011008.jpgKatie Holmes: More Marathoning in Boston
Mrs. Cruise was allowed into the Boston Marathon without actually qualifying because the people of Beantown want to see her run sans bra again. Oh, and she’s famous. [Us]

Jessica Simpson: NFL No Show

Her career, her boyfriend’s career – what can Jess ruin next? Fingers crossed that it’s Ashlee’s upcoming album! [Us]

Don?t Worry, The Hills Girls Are Still BFF
OMG, like, they are still totally giving each other blank stares at clubs and eating Pinkberry together! Phew. [E Online]

Milo and Hayden Make Love Work
Screw that 12-year age difference, these two are totally in love! And we’re like, totally grossed out. [Us]

John Mayer Dumps Actress Gal Pal
Finally he can go back to boning random, trashy chicks like a real “rock star.” [People]

by (@katespencer)

Friday: Full House Party

olsens-1214.jpgOlsens Get Boozy with Saget & Stamos
The gang drank and ate together at a downtown hotel, but didn’t invite their other co-stars to tag along. How rude!? [NYP]

Ryan Gosling Macks Heath?s Ex
Michelle Williams goes after another boring dude to make her dull life complete.? [NYP]

Heidi Montag?s New Song Leaks, Sucks
Check out The Hills star’s new single. It makes Gimme More sound like the music of angels in heaven.? [Us]

Britney?s New Video Drops
After watching her move awkwardly in the first 20 seconds of her video for Piece of Me, we wonder if Brit will ever truly dance again.? [People]

Winehouse Wants a ?White? Christmas
Amy has promised to get her life together in 2008, but first she wants to hold a major blowout at her house. With a lot of blow.? [The Sun]

by (@katespencer)

Friday: Britney’s Lips are Red and Nasty

britney-1116.jpgLauren Speaks : ?The Hills Is Real?
Don’t worry Lauren, as long as you keep fighting with Heidi we’ll watch no matter what. [Us]

Britney?s Got Big Botched Lips
Britney Spears has become a walking example of what happens when lip injections – and life – go bad. [TMZ]

Lance Denies Love for Olsen Twin
The biking star comes forward to officially clear up the air about his Olsen makeout sessions. Eh, we still believe the rumors. [Us]

Kanye Mourns Mom from London
Funeral Arrangements have been made for a memorial service as Kanye tries to mourn privately in London. [Us]

Spice Girls Back On Stage
Ten-years older, but just as sexy. Oh yeah – and still lipsyncing. Gotta make it last forever somehow! [People]

by (@katespencer)

Friday: Lauren & Heidi Happy Together in The Hills

hills-1109.jpgPissy Paris Sues Card Company
The heiress is mad at Hallmark for using her likeness on their products. Her face is all over the “Happy Birthday Mom – Aren’t You Glad Your Kids Aren’t Like Paris Hilton” card line. [TMZ]

The Hills‘ Lauren & Heidi Back as Buds
The former BFFs have been spotted together looking chummy – whatever happened to forgiving and forgetting each other? [JustJared]

Europe Makes Britney #1
So what if The Eagles beat her ass in the States, in Europe she’s still got the #1 album. Too bad Brit doesn’t even know where that is. [Us]

Ellen Dissed by Striking Writers
The comedian is getting bashed by writers for crossing the picket line during their strike (unlike Conan, Jay and Jon, for example) to go to work on her show. [NYP]

Dog Chapman Slapped with Suit
The girl Dog the Bounty Hunter railed against with racial slurs is now suing the star for slander. Nothing says healing like millions of dollars. [TMZ]