Tony Romo

by (@katespencer)

John Mayer to Texas: Don’t Mess with Jess

jess-john.jpgIs it possible that John Mayer is actually not just a cool guy, but an even cooler ex-boyfriend? The cocky rocker posted a Jessica Simpson-defending manifesto on his blog, after the entire state of Texas and every member of Cowboy-nation blamed her for their team’s recent football failures (funny how no one actually blames the stupid dude who lost the game). The only problem with John’s sweet words is that they’re probably gonna make Jess (and her dad) fall back in love with John all over again. Now that would really punish Tony Romo for ruining the lives of millions of Texans. John blogged:

Dear Dallas and Surrounding Areas,

This isn’t a sports blog, and it isn’t a publicity stunt. (but have at me if it feels right.) This is about doing what I think is right as a person, in this case speaking my mind. I have never known anyone to have more pride in their home state and their upbringing in it than Jessica Simpson has in Texas. I don’t really follow sports, but I have played some of my biggest and best concerts in your state, and having witnessed how dynamic the spirit there is, I’m betting emotions are running high right about now. All witty barbs, blogs, and fashion policing aside, that girl loves Texas more than you know. It’s one of her most defining traits as a person. So please don’t try and take that away from her. (You probably wouldn’t be able to, but it’s less work for all involved.)

I just thought it would mean something coming from the guy who has the absolute least to gain from this. And if I’m out of line in having written it, too bad. I can spare a Wednesday’s worth of bad press if it means sticking up for a good soul.

by (@katespencer)

Jessica Gets Romantic With her Parents

jessica-simpson-010708.jpgDon’t take dating tips from Jessica Simpson. If her past track record isn’t enough (we miss you Bam Nick and John!), let her latest sexy move be a lesson to you – she is currently on vacation with recent flame Tony Romo and her parents. HER PARENTS! How can they get busy when her mom and dad are sleeping right next door?! The couple, the Simpsons, and some pals are all staying together in a rented villa in Cabo San Lucas. At the airport, a source spotted Jess and Tony ?rubbing each others butts and laughing on the tarmac.” Kinky! Things got even crazier over at their vacation house. ?Tony couldn’t stop touching Jessica,? another spy (with really awesome long-distance vision) said, ?They were having a great time, with Jess? parents laughing and joking with Jess and Tony. Tony was affectionate to Jess and everyone seemed very relaxed.?

Yes, supervised sleepovers are always such stress relievers! It sounds like Jess needs to check her co-dependency baggage – and her rents – the next time she travels with her dude…if he even sticks around that long. [Us]

by (@katespencer)

Tony’s Teammate Bashes Jessica Simpson

jessicasimpson-1220.jpg

We hopped on the anti-Jess boat a long time ago and paddled far far away into the sea so we could resist the temptation to buy her shoes, envy her hair or laugh at her pathetic movie career. But now Dallas Cowboy player Terrell Owens has joined party, trash-talking Jessica after her boy-toy Tony Romo played his worst game ever with her in the stands. He said:

“Right now, Jessica Simpson is not a fan favorite ? in this locker room or in Texas Stadium. With everything that has happened, obviously with the way Tony played and the comparison between her and Carrie Underwood, I think a lot of people feel she has taken his focus away. Other than that, she was high on my list until last week.”

But just as we were falling in love with Terrell, he goes and takes back his original diss! Because Jess presumably has the same sense of humor as a rock, Owens is now all like “I tried to get (Romo) to call her so I can explain to her that she doesn’t really know me and that I can be funny. And that everything I say, the media will take it and run with it. It’s not a big deal. I will try to rectify the situation between her and I.” Why is it that the second these dumb waste-of-hair-extensions pout about something, people feel the need to backtrack? Terrell was just about to be granted genius status in our book.