by (@katespencer)

Thursday: Paula Prepares to Suck at Super Bowl

paula-abdul.jpgPaula?s Superbowl Show a “Massive Disaster”
Insiders are saying Paula’s half time show is gonna straight up suck. But America will watch because she’s forever our girl. Rush, rush to your TV! [TMZ]

Amy?s Hubby Ready To Divorce
Her man threatened divorce after a major fight. Has Blake finally gotten off the drugs and wised up in jail? [DListed]

Ashley Olsen Sucks Jared Leto?s Face
Well-dressed troll + rocker a-hole = love. Awwww. [Us]

Oops! Someone Pissed off the Scientologists
Tom Cruise’s church is laying on the legal BS after Gawker posted this video of Tommy ranting, claiming copyright infringement. [Gawker]

K-Fed?s Lawyer Talks Up his Client
Kevin’s suit is claiming that Brit’s Ex wants to raise their kids together. Don’t lie, Kev. We’d be stoked about sole custody too. [People]

by (@katespencer)

Wednesday: Jessica Alba’s a Hot Mama

jessica-alba-1212.jpgJessica Alba: Still Hot, Now Pregnant!
Congrats to the couple – especially her beau Cash Warren, who will now be forever covered by his cash cow of a baby-mama. [People]

Madonna Freaks Out in Yoga Class
Madge apparently kicked out an entire yoga class at her gym so she could practice by herself. Surely Kaballah doesn’t preach being an asshole, right? [NYP]

Amy Winehouse Can?t See Hubby, Cries
The singer missed visiting hours at her hubby’s jailed and spazzed. Um, set an alarm next time? [Us]

Fur Lovin? Olsens Twins Trashed by PETA
The animal rights group is ragging on the gajillionaire sisters for wearing lots n’ lots of animal products. [Us]

Gwyneth and Chris ? Still Together, Still Boring
The Paltrow-Martins were spotted lunching together and chatting. Couldn’t they be plotting their divorce? [NYDN]

by (@katespencer)

Friday: Britney’s Lips are Red and Nasty

britney-1116.jpgLauren Speaks : ?The Hills Is Real?
Don’t worry Lauren, as long as you keep fighting with Heidi we’ll watch no matter what. [Us]

Britney?s Got Big Botched Lips
Britney Spears has become a walking example of what happens when lip injections – and life – go bad. [TMZ]

Lance Denies Love for Olsen Twin
The biking star comes forward to officially clear up the air about his Olsen makeout sessions. Eh, we still believe the rumors. [Us]

Kanye Mourns Mom from London
Funeral Arrangements have been made for a memorial service as Kanye tries to mourn privately in London. [Us]

Spice Girls Back On Stage
Ten-years older, but just as sexy. Oh yeah – and still lipsyncing. Gotta make it last forever somehow! [People]

by (@katespencer)

Thursday: J.Lo’s Got That Pregnancy Glow

jennifer-lopez-1108.jpgJennifer Lopez is Pregnant ? Surprised?
The worst kept secret in the world is out after J.Lo confirms her pregnancy at her Miami show. She can finally get back to wearing regular ol’ sexy clothes now. Phew! [Us]

Lindsay?s Crashed Mercedes for Sale
Feel like blowing over $100,000 on a cokehead’s car? Bid on Lindsay’s wrecked ride – it’s up on Ebay (she must really need some cash). [NYP]

Rosie?s Rumored Show Gets Canned
But never fear, she’s blogged all about it on her site! Guess it wasn’t meant 2b. [Us]

Ashley and Lance?s Sleepover
They keep hooking up and we keep getting more grossed out. Friend are claiming Lance might be having a midlife crisis – but really he just likes young tail. [Us]

Tom Gushes Over Katie – Again
Tom: “Katie’s an inspiration!” Katie: “Tom is all things love and light!” Suri: “Someone pay attention to me!” [People]

by (@katespencer)

Wednesday: Ashley Olsen Makes Out with Lance Armstrong

ashley-olsen-1031.jpgTomKat Ready to Give Suri a Sibling
- Or Katie just needs another friend to hang out with since her old ones are probably banned from their house now. [OK!]

Ashley Olsen Kisses Lance Armstrong
He may not be old enough to be her dad, but he’s tall enough to be her…climbing tree? Is that really sexy? [NYP]

J Lo?s New Flick Gets Panned
Everything Jennifer Lopez does these days is getting booed. She should just tell us that she’s pregnant so we can like something she’s created. [NYP]

Britney Refuses to Promote Album
Brit’s too lazy/crazy/tired/drunk/hungry/cold/spacey/stupid to promote her new album, and her label’s given up on trying to make her work. Psssst – tempt her with Taco Bell. [NYDN]

Reese and Jake?s Love: Real or Fake?
Check out this video of the pair cuddling on the beach and feeding each other. Who does that? People faking a relationship to create buzz for their failing film, perhaps? [TMZ]